Steam Cleaner On Elm Street

, , , | | Right | February 10, 2009

Customer: “Can you show me where the carpet cleaning stuff is?”

Me: “Sure, right here.” *leads him to the aisle*

Customer: “Which one is good for getting blood out of carpet?”

Me: “Well, this brand works well for spots. How much blood are we talkin’ here?”

Customer: “About a bucket full…”

Me: “You may want to rent a carpet cleaner…”

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On The Politically Proper Placement of Puzzles

, | | Right | February 10, 2009

Customer: “THIS STORE IS RACIST! YOU ARE RACIST!”

Me: *confused* “Um… why?”

Customer: “Your Native American puzzles are on the bottom shelf! I demand to speak to your manager!

Me: “Okay, go ahead. I’m the manager on duty.”

Customer: “This is an insult to me that your Native American puzzles are on the lower shelf. This is racism!”

Me: “So, I’m a racist because the Native American puzzles are on the bottom shelf…”

(I look at the shelf and notice some animal puzzles on the very bottom shelf.)

Me: “Well, I hope PETA doesn’t find these puppy puzzles down here then.”

Customer: *storms off*

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The Tiny Flaw In An Otherwise Brilliant Plan

, , , | | Right | February 9, 2009

(I work at customer service and this lady could not return a lamp because it was past our 90-day return policy.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, the transaction for the lamp does not show up on your credit card. Has it been more than 90 days?”

Customer: “No, I don’t think so! Try it again.”

(I try two more times and sure enough, the same thing happens.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you bought the lamp more than 90 days ago, it does not show up in our system anymore. We can do a store credit return if you would like, but you would get the lowest price which is about $3 less.”

Customer: “Fine. It was 92 days ago! Now can I return it?”

Me: “I cannot do that. That purchase is not in our system anymore and the computer will only allow me to give you store credit at that price.”

(A long argument ensues and I tell her the same things.)

Customer: “Well, you know what? I’m going to buy this lamp again and then use THAT receipt to return it!”

Me: “Why would you want to do that? You would technically own two and then you’re returning one. It makes no difference.”

Customer: “Then I’ll buy a NEW one and use that receipt to return my broken one!”

Me: “I cannot allow you to do that. I am the supervisor and would have to report that sort of potential activity to our store security and managers.”

Customer: “How did you know what I’m going to do?!”

Me: “…um, because you just told me?”

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Coming Soon: Laptop Loofas

, | | Right | February 9, 2009

Customer #1: “This cell phone doesn’t work anymore. I want you to replace it.”

Me: “When did it stop working?”

Customer #1: “After I brought it in the shower.”

Me: “If it got wet, it’s probably not going to work at all, and it won’t be covered by the warranty.”

Customer #1: “I don’t understand. If it doesn’t work anymore, you’re supposed to replace it. It should work in the shower.”

Me: “Well, no. Like any piece of electronics, it’s not going to work if you get it wet. Would you bring your laptop in the shower?”

Customer #2: *interjecting* “I bring my laptop into the shower all the time.”

Me: *facepalm*

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And The Landfills Wept

, | | Right | February 6, 2009

Me: “Just this scarf for you today?”

Customer: “Yes — and could you please cut the tag off? I’m planning to wear it straight out of the store.”

Me: “No problem.”

(After the transaction is completed…)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Um, can I have a bag, please?”

Me: “Err… I thought you wanted to wear your scarf out of the store?”

Customer: “Well, yes, but I still need a bag. Where else would I put my receipt?” *stuffs her large wallet into her purse*

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