How Nicknames Are Born

| | Right | February 14, 2008

(An intensely inebriated individual entered our store with two women in tow, one pushing a baby carriage, wearing a jordan jersey, sunglasses, and sporting gold fronts.)

Customer: “CRACKAS STINK! THIS STORE STINKS! CRACKA STORE STINKS!”

Me: *falls over laughing*

Customer: “GOOD LORD IT STINKS! SHE GOT PURPLE HAIR, I BET IT STINKS!”

Women with him: “Shut up! Shut up! I’m sorry, he doesn’t–SHUT UP! ”

Me: *rolls around with glee*

Customer: “STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!”

(And from then on I am known as stinky hair.)

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…And You’re Still Drunk Now

| | Right | February 14, 2008

Scary old lady: “You b*stards better give me a refund!”

Me: “Er…okay. What seems to be the problem?”

Scary old lady: “I was drunk when I bought this! GIVE ME A F&*^%NG REFUND!”

Me: *blink blink*

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The Beauty Of A One-Track Mind

| | Right | February 13, 2008

Me: Thank you for calling [Retail Store], what can I help you with?

Lady: “Yes, I was wondering if you had any TV’s that were in your ad.”

*I remember selling the last one a few moments ago*

Me: “I’m sorry, we have no more left in stock.”

Lady: “Why?”

Me: “Because I sold the last one a few moments ago.”

Lady: “Why would you do something like that? I wanted one.”

Me: “Well thats what we do here, we sell things. We may get some more in tomorrow. You could call tomorrow morning and ask to put one on hold.”

Lady: “Okay, I’d like to do that now.”

Me: “I can’t do that, we don’t have any now. I meant to try again tomorrow.”

Lady: “Okay. The name is Johnson.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have any more of the TV’s that were on sale to put on hold. I don’t understand why you are not grasping that. We have zero TV’s that you want. I have several other models that are not on sale you can choose from.”

Lady: “I would like the one in your ad to be put on hold under my name.”

Me: “Ma’am, we are sold out of that model!”

Lady: “Okay. I’ll come pick it up later today.”

Me: “Ma’am, I sold the last TV before you called!”

Lady: “Why?”

Me: *click*

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I Goes To Skool

, , , | Right | February 13, 2008

(A girl in her late teens approaches me holding a t-shirt, turning it over in her hands, apparently searching for defects or blemishes in the material.)

Customer: “Do you have any of these that are new?”

Me: “I’m sorry? They’re all new.”

Customer: “No, this one is used. I want a new one.”

(I take the shirt and inspect it, finding it to be in perfect order.)

Me: “It looks perfectly fine to me. I unpacked these from today’s shipment an hour ago. We have multiples of each size if you’d like me to help you find another one.”

Customer: “I checked them all. They’re all used. See…”

(She snatches the shirt and points at the tag which reads, under the bar code, “USD $14.99.”)

Me: “That’s the currency. United States Dollars.”

Customer: *becoming irate* “I can f****** see that. Fifteen dollars for a used shirt is f****** insane.”

Me: “No. U-S-D. United States Dollars. We don’t sell used clothing.”

Customer: “What are you, a f****** idiot? It says used, right on the d**n tag.”

Me: “My mistake. Here, I’ll take that and make sure it gets thrown away.”

(I take the shirt and begin walking to the stock room.)

Customer: “Can I just have it? You’re going to throw it out anyway.”

Me: “Sorry, no. There’s an IQ requirement.”

Customer: “A what?”

Me: “It’s an acronym thing. Don’t worry about it.”

Customer: “You’re a f****** a**-hole!”

(She stormed out.)

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Hey Look, It’s Raining Change

| | Right | February 12, 2008

(A lady walks in with a bunch of change in her hands.)

Lady: “Can you give me a dollar bill for all this change?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s against company policy to open the register unless I am making a sale.”

Lady: “But you just opened the register for that kid.”

Me: “Yes, because I was making a sale.”

Lady: “This is bulls**t. You aren’t helping me because I’m Hispanic!”

*starts swearing at me in Spanish and English*

Me: “Have a good day, ma’am.”

*lady continues yelling*

Me: “Have a good day.”

*lady is still yelling*

Me: “Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

(The lady is about two feet away from me and throws all of her coins at me. I didn’t move because I was in shock. She managed to not hit me with one single coin.)

Me: “Ma’am, you dropped your change.”

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