Don’t Make Her Dairy, You Won’t Like Her When She’s Dairy

| USA | Working | June 22, 2015

(At the cafe where I work we make burgers and garden burgers. A customer comes in and asks us many questions about the garden burger, even going so far as to ask for the box so she can check the ingredients and stating multiple times that she is vegan and gluten free. Our cook makes a big show of using clean new utensils and a pan instead of the grill we cook meat on to make her order.)

Me: “Dude… you put butter in the pan with her garden burger.”

Cook: “So? I always put butter in! It helps keep it from sticking and tastes nice!”

Me: “She just spent ten minutes making sure that the patty was vegan.”

Cook: “..So?”

Me: “Butter isn’t vegan! It’s a dairy product, made from milk! She won’t want it!”

Cook: “…”

(After a moment of silence he shrugs, flips the patty and nonchalantly replies.)

Cook: “F*** it. She won’t notice.”

(Five minutes later she got her garden burger, took a bite and threw a fit, throwing the burger back at our cook before storming off. Guess she could taste it, and he had to wear the greasy stain on his shirt from that burger all night long.)

Not So (Do)Nuts About Burgers

| Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | Right | June 19, 2015

(I work at a burger place, next to a coffee and doughnut shop. Occasionally we get people in drive-thru that get the places mixed up, but both drive-thrus are close to each other, A customer walks in, past three big pictures of hamburgers, and the restaurant name is posted several times.)

Customer: *looking at the menu* “Can I get an iced capp, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have those.”

Customer: “Oh. The machine’s broken?”

Me: “No. We’ve never had them.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I had one last week.”

Me: “No. None of the [Restaurant] have ever had them.”

Customer: *looks around* “Oh. This isn’t [Donut Shop]. You should have told me.”

Me: “I assumed with the pictures of hamburgers all over, and lack of donuts you knew where you where.”

Customer: *looks around again, and leaves embarrassed*

Enough Bong For Your Buck

, | Selkirk, MB, Canada | Right | June 18, 2015

(I am working in the drive-thru section of our store. My coworker is taking the order as the customer is at the speaker box.)

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. [Coworker] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll take a glass of bong water!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Haha, just give me a cup of water.”

Coworker: “Okay… anything else?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Coworker: “Okay, please drive to the window.”

(At the window…)

Coworker: *gives customer the cup of water*

(The customer drives into the parking lot.)

Coworker: *to me* “That guy had a bong right on his lap. He and his buddies in the car are seriously about to go do drugs in the parking lot.”

Me: “I’m astounded at how stupid they are. Let’s call the police.”

(We called the police, and they came within a few minutes. They searched the car and drove the impaired guys home. We don’t know any details about how they were charged. When my coworker was taking out the garbage, he overheard the guy complaining because he would have to go get more drugs now.)

Slow On The Slow On The Uptake

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Related | June 18, 2015

(I sort of help my little brother get his first job, as a busser at a restaurant I’d previously worked and where I am friends with the assistant manager. After his first shift, I ask my friend how he is doing.)

Friend: “Okay. A little slow, but he’ll get better.”

Me: *joking* “Slow as in speed, or slow on the uptake?”

Friend: “Ha ha. Slow as in speed.”

(Later, I relayed this conversation to my brother.)

Me: “So I said, ‘Slow as in speed, or slow on the uptake?’.”

Brother: “Uptake?”

A Slice Of Entertainment

, | PA, USA | Working | June 17, 2015

(I am 13 years old. My family and I are out to dinner in a popular pizza restaurant, owned by two feuding sisters. My mother is counting each table as it being served, and notices in the kitchen when our pizza is coming out. We can see through the windows in the kitchen doors, one labeled ‘In’ and the other ‘Out’)

Mother: “Oh, here comes our pizza now!”

(Just as she says this, the two sisters, one walking out with our pizza, and the other entering through the “Out” door, crash into each other, sending our pizza to the floor.)

Sister #1: “Look what you did! You made me drop their pizza!”

Sister #2: “Me?! You were walking through the wrong door!”

(The two sisters start arguing in Italian, and later Sister #1 comes over to our table to apologize.)

Sister #1: “I’m very sorry about this. We will make you a fresh new pizza, on the house for your troubles.”

Mother: “Hey, I’d have paid double if I had known we’d be getting dinner and a show!”

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