Serving A Fair Lady

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Working | February 18, 2015

(I am a hostess at a fairly high-end restaurant. On a quiet night, I am scanning through the reservations and organize the parties in different sections. I noticed one reservation under the name of “A. Hepburn.” I am a big Audrey Hepburn fan. At the time of their reservation, I greet an older couple at the door.)

Me: “Welcome! Do you have a reservation this evening?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you. The name is A. Hepburn.”

Me: “Very good. Let me show you to your table, Ms. Hepburn…”

(A moment later, I turn to one of my coworkers.)

Me: “I’ve been waiting to say that all night.”

Paid His Burger Tax

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Working | February 17, 2015

(I am offered a job over the phone. The manager tells me to come in the next day. When I get there he tells me he will pay me under the table $9 an hour (min wage is $11) and tries to argue that he is paying more than minimum wage because there are no taxes. Even at $11 an hour, I would not be earning nearly enough to be taxable. About a half hour into me doing basically all grubby kitchen tasks (cleaning, washing dishes, taking out garbage, restocking fridge, etc):)

Manager: “Would you like something to eat? You can have anything on the menu for free.”

Me: “No, thanks. I’m not hungry right now.”

(The manager continues to offer at 10 minute increments for the next hour and a half, while I start to get very uncomfortable that this job is under the table for an exploitative wage doing gross work and therefore he doesn’t have any responsibility if I get hurt, which is very possible.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think this will work out. I have to leave now.”

Manager: “Oh, that’s okay. I can’t pay you for only two hours but come back for that meal anytime.”

(Two weeks later:)

Me: “Hey man.”

Manager: “Hey.” *recognizes me* “So, what can I get you?”

Me: “Just a burger, please.”

Manager: “$4.50, please.”

Me: “I thought you said I could have it for free because of those two hours of free work I did for you.”

Manager: “Do you know what food costs? I can’t just give it away for free.”

Me: “Do you know what my work costs if you bother to make it legal? I think I’m entitled to a burger. And, yeah, I’d ballpark the patty, bun, and toppings at about 1.50 tops.”

Manager: “Was this your plan? You respond to my ad, stay for less than a shift, all to try to get free food? This is a business here!”

Me: “Yeah, that’s what I do. I go around to restaurants and pretend I’m looking for a job all so I can get free hamburgers. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to get my lunch somewhere else!”

(I emptied his tip jar into my pocket to pay for my two hours and walked out the door.)

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Incorrectly Prospecting Your Lack Of Prospects

, | London, England, UK | Right | February 17, 2015

(I work in a fast food restaurant to earn some extra money while at university; I work at a branch quite far from my university in a popular shopping area so no one in my class knows. Most of the other people in my class are fairly well off and I don’t really fit in. I have colourful hair and three facial piercings. One day a girl from my class comes in with her mother and she notices me but doesn’t say anything as the mother steers her towards my station.)

Mother: “I’ve told you time and time again that you have to stay in education. You can’t just quit university because you’d rather spend time with your boyfriend.”

Me: “May I take your order?”

(The mother places order for them both and as I walk to fill the drinks I hear her say to her daughter.)

Mother: “If you drop out of university you’ll end up like that girl there, all filth and metal with no career or future prospects.”

Girl: “Actually, mum, she’s in my class and she works harder than most of us. She helps us all with our work if we get stuck and is really nice.”

(The mum was stunned into silence and I pretended not to have heard as I gave them their meal. The next day the girl asked if I wanted to go to a party with her!)

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A Dashing Hero

| ME, USA | Right | February 17, 2015

(I worked at a Chinese restaurant where many people would dine and dash on the owner, who they knew couldn’t catch them due to having bad arthritis in both hands. This happens one day when I have just come into work.)

Old Lady: *comes in with her granddaughter and granddaughter’s best friend*

Me: “Just three, miss?”

Old Lady: “Yes.”

Me: *takes them to a table* “Anything to drink while you decide what you would like?”

Old Lady: “Pepsi.”

Granddaughter: “Sprite.” *giggling*

Me: “We have Sierra Mist. Is that all right?”

Granddaughter: “Yes!” *laughs*

Me: “…and you, miss?”

Granddaughter’s Best Friend: “I’ll have the same.” *smiling in an odd way*

Me: *nods and gets their drinks*

(They take another 10 minutes whispering before they ordered. They take a half hour ordering food which costs over $100.00. By now I’m suspicious.)

Me: *comes out of the other dining area in time to see them leaving without paying* “HEY!”

Granddaughter: *laughing and running*

Me: *grabs her by the upper arm* “Oh, H***, no! You will NOT dine and dash on MY shift, LADY!”

Old Lady: *comes in and hits me with her bag* “LET HER GO, YOU B****.”

Granddaughter: “OWWW! YOU’RE HURTING MEEE!”

Me: “I’m only squeezing enough to hold you! Now, lady! If you don’t stop hitting me, I will call the police!”

(An officer just happens to come in and I know him.)

Officer: “[My Name], are you having trouble?”

Me: “Can I do it just once?”

Old Lady & Granddaughter: *both pale and stop what they were doing*

Officer: *laughs* “Yes.”

Me: *I grab both women and yank them outside where I swing the granddaughter out, and release the old lady* “Your choice.”

(The old lady gave me the money for the bill, and a tip! The officer was laughing and my boss gave me a gift certificate for a free meal for my entire family!)

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Their Happy Marriage Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow

| Stockholm, Sweden | Romantic | February 17, 2015

(My husband and I are regulars at a restaurant next to our apartment. We’re becoming good friends with the staff and other regulars. I’m there on the 14th of February, reading and having some wine.)

Staff #1: “[My Name], where’s your husband?”

Me: “I… don’t know. I think he might be in the gym still.”

Staff #2: “He should be here with you!”

Me: “I’m sure I’ll see him later. I’m bound to – we live together, you know.”

Staff #3: “But… it’s Valentine’s Day! How can he not be here?”

Me: “Seriously, guys, [Husband] is the love of my life, and I know that I am his. That’s what’s important. I didn’t even reflect over the fact that its Valentine’s Day when he said he was going to the gym. I’m happy here, with you guys. And my book.”

Staff #3: *shaking his head* “You’ve been married for so long. When are you going to get all bitter? It’s more fun that way.”

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