Working The Twilight Shift

, | OH, USA | Working | May 26, 2015

(Normally, I work the evening shift at the restaurant, but today I am working an earlier shift.)

Coworker: “[My Name], what are you doing here this early?”

Me: “I was scheduled to work from noon.”

Coworker: “Can vampires get up that early?”

Me: “Hey! I do not sparkle!”

In Need Of A Golden Nugget

, | LA, USA | Right | May 25, 2015

(I’m working the drive-thru window when a customer orders two meals, plus two extra 12-nugget boxes. I don’t think anything of it, as this is fairly normal, but then they drive up. There are two large dogs in the back, where the seats are folded down, and the customer and her husband in the front seats.)

Me: “That will be [price].” *sees the dogs* “Oh, I love dogs! Yours are gorgeous! Are they Huskies?”

Customer: “Aw, thank you, honey! Well, one is, and one’s a Malamute.”

(I have quickly processed the transaction as we chat, and I hand her card back, then her drinks, and then the bags.)

Me: “They look really well-behaved, too.”

Customer: “Oh, yes. They were so good at the dog park, we had to come get them a treat. They just love [Restaurant].”

(As she’s saying this, she hands one nugget box to her husband, they both open them as if on cue, and put them in the back where the dogs gobble them down.)

Me: *blinks* “Have a good day, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, we will. Bye!”

(They drive off, and my coworker and I look at each other.)

Coworker: “She just spent ten bucks on those dogs… I need that kind of money.”

The Medium Suddenly Felt Very Small

, | Daytona Beach, FL, USA | Right | May 24, 2015

(I am a customer waiting in line at a popular fast food restaurant’s drive thru. I am next to place my order, and behind a large black SUV with a middle-aged blonde soccer mom type in the driver’s seat, another person in the passenger’s seat, and what must be her son in the back seat. She places the order for the son and begins to give her order.)

Mother: “I’d like a #4.”

Cashier: “And what size would you like that?”

Mother: “Medium.”

Cashier: “Okay, and what to drink?”

Mother: “Medium.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, what would you like to drink?”

Mother: “MEDIUM!”

Cashier: “Miss, I’m sorry, I just want to know what you would like your beverage to be today.”

Mother: “MEDI—”

(At this point I have had more than enough, as I detest people who don’t listen when ordering and treat food service employees like they are lesser. I stick my head out the window and shout at the top of my lungs.)

Me: “SHE’S ASKING WHAT YOU WANT TO DRINK, YOU IDIOT!”

(The mother sticks her head out her window as well to glare at me, when she notices my gleaming, freshly shaven bald head, large beard, and scowl barely covered by my sunglasses. She turns back to the speaker and meekly replies…)

Mother: “A Diet Coke, please.”

(After I give my order, actually giving the size and beverage without needed to be prompted, I pull up to pay.)

Cashier: “Oh, my God, thank you. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that!”

Me: “Don’t worry. For a long time I used to work in restaurants. I’ve wanted to do that forever, too!”

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Take Your Hat Off To Their Detective Skills

| UK | Right | May 23, 2015

(A customer has been telling me about all the break-ins recently over Christmas, and how a lot of houses have been robbed in the village.)

Customer: “Yeah, the police told us that a CCTV camera caught some young guy wearing a woolly hat.”

Me: *looks up at customer who is wearing woolly hat*

Customer: *quickly snatches hat off his head* “Oh, my, it’s not me. NOT ME!”

Close(d) To Death

| Newport, KY, USA | Working | May 21, 2015

(I went into work despite having a cold. By the time I’m leaving, I’m feeling my fever come back and my manager gives me some cold medicine.)

Manager: “[My Name], do you work tomorrow?”

Me: “Yeah, I close.”

Manager: “Will you be alive?”

Me: “I hope so. But, if I die, I’ll call and let you know.”

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