Teenage Boys And Smutty Mags? You Don’t Say!

, , , , , | Right | May 19, 2008

Angry Old Woman: “Excuse me! I am very upset because you sold my young grandson p*rnography!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell p*rnography.”

Angry Old Woman: “Get me the manager, now!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Angry Old Woman: “Your pervert cashier sold my grandson p*rnography!”

Manager: “Are you sure about that? We don’t sell anything like that here.”

Angry Old Woman: “Do you think I’m stupid? I saw it with my own eyes! It had naked women and he told me he bought it here with no problem!”

Manager: “Could you show me on the shelf what it was?”

(She goes over to the magazines, and points at Maxim.)

Angry Old Woman: “It was this one! See? Right here! Where any child could see!”

Manager: “Ma’am, this magazine is not p*rnography. Granted, the women are scantily clad in a few pictures but they aren’t naked and there is no age restriction on its sale.”

Angry Old Woman: “I know p*rnography when I see it, and this is very offensive. How could you sell it to young children?”

Manager: “Well, actually our store policy dictates that we won’t sell this to a young child even though it is still legal. How old is your grandson?”

Angry Old Woman: “He’s only sixteen!”

Manager: *rolls eyes* “I don’t want to offend your moral beliefs, Ma’am, but if your sixteen year old grandson wants to look at women in bikinis there is no force on earth that is going to stop it. Seriously.”

Angry Old Woman: “The power of Jesus can stop it! The power of Christ should compel you to remove this magazine from your shelves!”

Manager: “Right… Real quick, ma’am, before I get back to work, can I ask you a question? Does your grandson have Internet access?”

Angry Old Woman: “What does that have to do with anything?”

Manager: “A lot, and I think that the power of Christ should compel you to learn how to look up his browser history. Have a good day.”

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As Long As It Runs On Unleaded

, , , | Right | April 21, 2008

(At a “compound” for a “New Age” cult, we needed to replace the pump in their well. In order to get our truck close enough to the well we had to have them move one of their vehicles.)

Me: “Excuse me, I’m going to need you to move that suburban over there.”

Lady: “Okay, no problem.”

(She goes outside and yells at one of her people working on the yard.)

Lady: “Jebediah, could you please get the keys and move the Starship?”

Jebediah: “Sure thing!”

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A Simple Go To H*ll Would Have Sufficed

, , , | Right Romantic | April 16, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Direct Sales]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I need a power cord for my product.”

Me: “I would be happy to place your order. I just need you to read me the three numbers from the front of the product.”

Caller: “Talk to my wife, I can’t read…”

(In the background, I overhear the following…)

Caller: “Get on the phone!”

Caller’s Wife: “You are Satan! When spiritual warfare happens, I will have more angels on my side because you are evil and no one loves you!”

(The wife then comes on the phone and very calmly gives me the number, her address, credit card info and then hangs up.)

 

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The Pope Might Have Something To Say About That

, , , , , | Right | April 2, 2008

Customer: “Sir, it is a sin to sell these Halloween decorations.”

Me: “How else could folks get them?”

Customer: “That’s not the point. Halloween is for devil worshippers.”

Me: “No, it’s a Christian holiday, ushering in All Saints’ Day.”

Customer: “No, that’s Catholic. I’m a Christian.”


This story is part of our Devilish Halloween roundup!

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God Forbid

, , , | Right | March 15, 2008

(It is 2004, and the movie ‘The Passion  Of The Christ’ has just come out.)

Customer #1: “Oooh, I’ve heard great things about The Passion of the Christ.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, it really reaffirms your faith in Christ.”

Me: “It’s been a big hit this week; Mel Gibson tried to make it as historically accurate as possible.” *cough* “Even all the dialog is in Aramaic.”

Customer #1: “Wait what?!”

Me: “It’s in Aramaic, the language which they spoke back then.”

Customer #1: “You mean it has subtitles?! It’s not in English?! Ugh, I’m not gonna watch that!”


This story is part of the Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup!

Read the next Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup story!

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