More than half of the attorneys I work for in my office are Jewish. We’re currently all working from home, and all our meetings with each other and clients are virtual.
At today’s meeting, our boss passes on a virtual meeting tip that someone who can’t attend today has shared: “Do not have a book with a Nazi symbol visible in the background, even if it’s just a book about the Third Reich.”
I’ve had some worrying symptoms, so I go to see a new doctor for the first time. I recently lost my insurance and then the health crisis hit, so I haven’t had a primary care provider in some time. As suspected, the doctor orders some bloodwork.
Me: “Will this require me to fast? Because if I don’t, fair warning, my liver enzymes will be high.”
Doctor: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Any time I take a blood test and I’m not required to fast, my liver enzymes are always reported as abnormally high.”
Doctor: “And your previous doctor never bothered to try and figure out why that is?”
Me: “No, they would just order another test, have me fast, and then go, ‘You’re normal.’”
The doctor rolls her eyes in annoyance at this.
Doctor: “Okay, but… why wouldn’t they check that?” *Sighs* “Don’t fast for this one, but I’m going to have to have that checked out… like somebody should have a while ago.”
A coworker is getting frustrated; she keeps getting notified that she has a call waiting for her, but every time she goes to answer it, she can’t hear the woman and has to hang up. The woman has called ten times now trying to get through. She switches devices and reboots it, as well, and it still doesn’t work. Finally, I try it on my device to see if I can get through.
Me: “Hello, hello?”
Silence.
Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be honest. Whatever problem we are having hearing you is on your side. My coworker has switched devices multiple times and I know mine is working as I just answered another call a couple of minutes ago. By any chance, did you happen to mute us?”
A couple of seconds go by.
Customer: *Very meekly* “Oh, can you hear me now?”
My mother and father have asked that I spend more time with my grandmother as she hasn’t been looking well lately. I agree and figure a good thing would be to bring her food and maybe tidy up her house a little. I call her on a Saturday.
Me: “Hi, Grandma, how are you?”
Grandma: “Oh, not great. Been feeling dizzy and I don’t eat much.”
Me: “Well, how about I bring some haluski? I got a great recipe that uses bacon and it’s pretty good if I may say so myself!”
Grandma: “That sounds good. Maybe you can come Monday.”
Me: “Sounds like a plan, love you!”
Grandma: “Love you.”
Two hours later, my mom texts me that my grandfather has taken Grandma to the ER because she got dizzy enough that she couldn’t stand or walk without aid. As a family, we tend to joke a bit to deal with stressful news, so when I see my sister on Sunday, I know the perfect joke.
Me: “I guess the thought of eating my cooking was enough to send her to the hospital!”
It made my sister laugh because she doesn’t usually eat what I make and it helped to relieve a bit of stress. We’re still waiting to hear about Grandma, as she’ll be in the hospital for a bit, so send good vibes, please!
Me: “Hello, what can I help you find?”
Customer: “Yes, I need some chicken wire for my yard.”
Me: “Okay, follow me and I’ll show you where it is.”
We get to the chicken wire.
Customer: “I need enough that will cover my yard.”
Me: “Okay, do you know how big your yard is?”
Customer: “No! You work here. Shouldn’t you know how big my yard is and how much I’ll need?”
Me: “Sir, I’ve never been to your house to see your yard, so I don’t know how much you’ll need.”
Customer: “Well, I’ll just buy two rolls, and if it isn’t enough, I will be back and tell your boss to get you fired since you obviously don’t do your job right.”
