Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Store]. What can I help you with?”

Caller: “Do you have any diet food for puppies?”

I take two seconds to pause while trying to figure out if she is serious.

Me: “No, I don’t believe we do, and for that matter, I really doubt you will find any such food. You see—”

Caller: “You don’t need to explain it to me. My puppy is too fat, and I want her on diet food.”

Me: “Well, what breed is she, and how old?”

Caller: “She’s a Scottish terrier, and she’s only five months old, but she is so fat!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think you understand. The point of food specifically for puppies is a high fat and protein content to—”

Caller: *Yelling* “I KNOW! I JUST WANT DIET FOOD FOR MY PUPPY! WHAT DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?!”

Me: *Trying to be polite* “Ma’am, making diet food for puppies is totally redundant. I know of no company that makes it, and we certainly don’t sell it, nor do we condone feeding your puppy a low-protein diet.”

Caller: “FINE! I’ll just find someone else, then!” *Click*

I swear, some people need a license before they are allowed to have a pet.

I am feeding the puppies at our animal shelter, and my manager comes up to me.

Manager: “If you see a ditzy-looking woman in pink hot pants, absolutely do not let her start any puppy adoption process.”

Me: “Why?”

Manager: “Because she just asked me if we can change their DNA to make them stay puppies forever, and I don’t want another living thing to be subjected to that level of stupid.”

Puppies give us so much, the least we can do is make sure they go to responsible homes. Sadly, that doesn’t seem to be the case with these 12 Stories About Amazing Puppies (And Some Customers Who Are Too Stupid To Own Them).

CONTENT WARNING: Animal Cruelty

The uncle in this story is my step-uncle, my grandmother is his stepmother, and the house he evacuated to is his mother’s (my step-grandfather’s ex-wife). This uncle is also a deadbeat with severe alcohol, gambling, and mental health problems he refuses to get or accept help for.

As previously mentioned, my uncle evacuated to his mother’s house just recently because of Hurricane Ida. However, for reasons unknown to all of us, he didn’t bring his two dogs with him despite his mother not having any issues with them coming along. Because of this, they ended up being left alone in a hot trailer for several days that had been half destroyed by the storm without any food or water.

When my grandmother found out about this, she was livid. She and my step-grandfather essentially forced my cousin — one of my uncle’s adult children — to drive out there, pick up the dogs, and give them up to the first animal shelter he could find with working facilities. Apparently, the poor things were extremely dehydrated and hungry. They were also filthy and ridden with fleas and ticks, but we strongly suspect they already had these issues prior to the hurricane.

As soon as my grandparents got water and power back to their place, my grandmother drove out and adopted both of the pups. Apparently, my uncle has since been begging her to return them to him, but she refuses to do so after what he put them through. Both she and my step-grandfather have even gone so far as to threaten him with getting the police involved should he try to take them. These are all decisions that everyone in our immediate family — barring my uncle, of course — wholeheartedly supports.

I’m talking with a friend of mine through video call. We haven’t talked in a while, so we are catching up. Everything is going great until my cat jumps into frame and sits on the back of my chair.

Friend: “Oh, you still have [Cat]?”

Me: “Yeah! She’s been the sweetest and a great emotional support.”

Friend: “Oh. I was kind of hoping she’d like, die, or you’d throw her out. I hate cats, you know.”

I quickly ended the call, and I ended up cutting the person out of my life. I know not everyone has to love my pets, but you also shouldn’t wish harm to them simply because you don’t like them.

Customer: “What animal do artichoke hearts come from?”

Me: “Artichokes are a vegetable, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, is that why the blood is green?”

Me: “That’s pesto, sir.”