I Am Number Four

, , , , , | Working | April 8, 2018

(I am a senior in college, working four jobs, because due to several incidents I have been traumatized by roommates and need to pay for a place of my own. My parents insist it be in a “safe” area, which means it will be expensive. Also, I can’t find single full-time job that works around my school schedule. This happens at my job at the university box office a few weeks before finals, when I am working an average of about 70 hours per week. The box office job is my “easy” job, where I’m allowed to do homework. I just came from three days of doubles at my other jobs, and stayed up late the night before working on a project. I’m alone in the office and dozing when the phone rings, waking me.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Drugstore] on [Street], [Drugstore slogan]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: *silence*

Me: *realizing* “Um, I mean, thank you for calling [Sporting Goods Store] at [Local Mall]. Which department were you hoping to speak to?!”

Caller: “I don’t think that one is right, either, sweetie.”

Me: *now slightly panicking* “Right! I meant, welcome to the [Non-Profit that I both volunteer and work for]! No, wait. That’s not right, either.”

(At his point, the caller is laughing hysterically, and the fog clears from my head long enough to realize it’s the woman who works in the office that oversees the box office.)

Me: *laughing, too* “I’ve got it this time! Thank you for calling [University] box office. How can I help you today?”

Caller: *no response, only laughter*

The Password Adds Up

, , , , , | Learning | April 7, 2018

(My algebra teacher teaches both honors and regulars at my school.)

Classmate: “Mr. [Teacher], what are the regulars doing right now?”

Teacher: “They just did a MathXL quiz.” *he giggles* “I made the password ‘ilovemath’ just so they would have to write it out once in their lives.”

The Kind Of Open-Carry Laws That Americans Aren’t Used To

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2018

(I work as a hostess at a restaurant and bar next to a hotel in a touristy area. Two very sweet-looking girls holding wine glasses approach the host stand.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me. Can I tell you something?”

Me: “Of course! How can I help you?”

Customer #1: “We’ve seen a lot of people leaving with glasses of alcohol. We wanted to let you guys know, so you don’t get in trouble.”

Me: “Thanks for letting us know! I’ll send someone out with go-cups for them.”

Customer #2: “What?! You mean they can just leave and drink out in the open?”

Me: *chuckles* “Welcome to New Orleans! Y’all can even get daiquiris at a drive-thru window down here.”

You’d Be Barking Mad Not To

, , , , , | Learning | March 11, 2018

(In my study hall class, there’s this one girl who is know for being rather disruptive.)

Girl: “Hey, Mr. Teacher, can I play this video for [Classmate]?”

Teacher: “No. Do your work, please.”

Girl: “But it’s ten seconds long and has a dog in it!”

Teacher: “So, it’s not important?”

Friend: “Did you just say dogs aren’t important?!”

Teacher: “Good point; you can play it.”

Refunder Blunder, Part 33

, , , , , | Right | March 5, 2018

(I work for a popular chicken restaurant that is well-known across the country for giving out free food if people complain. When it first opened in New Orleans, the locals caught on to this quickly, and many times took advantage of the system. I am working a quiet shift one evening when a guest approaches the counter and says he doesn’t like an item he ordered, gives it back to me, and asks for his money back. I apologize and refund him the $4.00. As he came to the front to throw away his trash after finishing his meal, I notice that he has a young daughter, and his wife is carrying their baby, who is crying very loudly. I comment that their baby is precious, and the father just rolls his eyes and says:)

Customer: “Yeah, God makes them cute on purpose, so you put up with them when they do this!”

(I thank them and tell them to have a good night. A few days later, I get a phone call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How may I serve you?

Caller: “Yes, my family and I were eating in your restaurant earlier this week, and we had an emergency and had to leave the restaurant with our food, and it was all horrible! We couldn’t even eat any of it. The fries were cold, the chicken wasn’t cooked all the way through, all of our drinks were like water, and worst of all was the wrap! I demand that you give us all of our money back, immediately!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Could you give me your receipt number so that I may look up your order?”

Caller: *gives me the number* “This is outrageous! You better refund every penny, or I am going to sue you! My children didn’t even get dinner!”

Me: “Sir, why didn’t you come back to the restaurant, or even call us that evening to tell us about the problem? Why did you wait five days?”

Caller: “I TOLD YOU! WE HAD AN EMERGENCY AND HAD TO LEAVE! IF YOU DON’T REFUND ALL OF MY MONEY, I WILL CALL ALL THE NEWS STATIONS AND TELL THEM WHAT A TERRIBLE COMPANY YOU ARE! I WILL CALL THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU, AND I WILL HAVE YOUR RESTAURANT SHUT DOWN!”

Me: “Well, sir, my boss would need to speak with you about a refund, and he’s not in at the moment, but he should be back in about five minutes. Could I take your number and have him call you back?”

Caller: *gives me his name and number* “I am on my way to you right now, anyway, so you better have my money ready when I get there!”

(The next 15 minutes are spent with my boss and me looking through receipts and our video surveillance to discover that this guy is the one who had me give him a refund on his wrap. I physically watched him and his family eat all of their food IN the restaurant before they left. The guy shows up with his young daughter in tow. My boss pulls him aside and speaks to him, while I wait across the counter where he won’t notice me.)

Boss: “Could I just get some contact details for you? I may need to mail you a check for the refund, since it’s been so long since you were with us.”

(The customer starts writing down his mailing address.)

Boss: “So, you said you had to leave suddenly and had to take all of your food with you?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s what I told the girl on the phone! This is ridiculous. Don’t you people listen? Just give me back my $45.00 right now or I am going to start trouble!”

Boss: “Well, see, here’s the issue. I just pulled up your receipt, and it says that you received a refund on your wrap. Do you remember that?”

Customer: “Uh… Yes. But still! We left right after that, and all the other food was bad! Soggy, cold fries and stale buns. Even my daughter’s chicken nuggets were raw!”

Boss: “So, you’re saying you didn’t eat any of it in the restaurant, at all?”

Customer: “Are you not listening to me? I TOLD YOU WE HAD AN EMERGENCY AND TOOK THE FOOD WITH US!”

Boss: “Hmmm. Well, that’s odd. Because my manager over there—” *points to me* “—says she saw you eat all of your food and throw away your garbage. She even commented on your baby as you were leaving. Do you remember that?”

(I just smile and wave at the guy, and his jaw drops open as he knows he has been caught.)

Boss: “Tell you what. I’m going to ask you to leave my business, and don’t ever come back. As long as you do that, I’m not going to call the police. But if you ever come back to my restaurant and try this again, I will call the police. And just to make sure, I’m going to follow you out and copy down your license plate number, as well. Do we have an understanding?”

Customer: “Yes, sir.”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 32
Refunder Blunder, Part 31
Refunder Blunder, Part 30

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