(In my Latin III class, I sit in front of a girl who’s known for being simultaneously really smart and really stupid. This day, I hear her giggling, but I don’t pay much attention to it until I hear my friend whisper-yelling at her.)

Friend: [Girl], no! Don’t do that!”

(I turn around, but I can’t see what she’s doing since her computer case is in the way, but I just know in my soul what she’s about to do. At this point, we’ve gotten our teacher’s attention.)

Teacher: “[Girl], what are you doing?”

Me: “You don’t want to know.”

Friend and Classmate #1: “You really don’t.”

([Girl] then just wordlessly holds up a large chunk of HER HAIR that she had just cut from her head. Our teacher just stares at it wordlessly for several seconds while the rest of the class explodes into yelling.)

Teacher: “Why-why would you do that?! Why? Go throw it away! Now!”

Classmate #2: (Yelling over the class) “[Teacher], can I go to the bathroom?”

(She pauses and laughs.)

Classmate #2: “[Girl], give it to me! I’ll leave it in the bathroom for someone to find!

Teacher: “NO YOU WILL NOT, [Girl], THROW. IT. AWAY. NOW.”

(She eventually left it on top of the garbage can for anyone to see. The sad part is that this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this.)

I am waiting on hold for technical support for a cable TV/Internet outage. While I’m on hold, my girlfriend and I start talking about horror movies.

Girlfriend: “Who does the killer actually kill in all of these movies?”

Me: “Usually promiscuous teenage girls and—” *phone picks up* “—horny teenage boys.”

Tech: *Nervously* “Thank you for calling tech support; how may I help you?”

My eyes go wide as soon as I realize what happened, and then I just break out laughing.

Me: “These are the things we talk about when the cable’s out.”

I go to a private Catholic high school; however, there aren’t really any non-religious private schools in the area so a decent amount of the students, myself included, are just there for the education and couldn’t care less about the religious aspects of the school.

Every year during Lent, my school sends out daily Lenten reflections through our email. During my senior year, these emails come up in conversation in one of my classes.

Teacher: “Oh! Did y’all read the Lenten reflection yesterday? I thought it was so good.”

Friend: *Laughing* “No, I just delete those as soon as I see them in my inbox.”

Almost all of my classmates nod their heads in agreement with my friend. The teacher genuinely looks bewildered.

Teacher: “Wha— What? Why not?! They’re always so sweet.”

Half The Class: “I’m not religious.”

(This happens the afternoon after my school’s annual career day. It’s important to note that I am very much NOT straight and my parents are fully aware of this.)

Me: *talking to my dad* “Oh, yeah, we had career day today.”

Dad: *only half paying attention* “Huh? Queer day?”

Me: “No, career day, Dad. You should know that every day is queer day for me.”

(I go to a Catholic all-girls private high school. As I’m FTM trans, I can’t be “publically” out without risking expulsion and being forcefully outed to my parents. Despite this, most everyone I’m friends with knows and is cool and respectful about it. In my sophomore year, this happens when I decide to tell one of my newer freshman friends about it.)

Me: “So, my name isn’t actually [Deadname] but [Chosen Name], and I mostly use masculine pronouns.”

(I guess at this point she realizes that she’s been unknowingly misgendering me for the past three or so months we’ve known each other and kind of freaks out.)

Friend: “Oh, OH! I’M SO SORRY, ‘HE.’ I WON’T DO IT AGAIN!”

Me: “Sweetheart, that’s not how pronouns work.”

(Thankfully, she’s learned how to use grammar far more effectively since then!)