Customer: “Excuse me… where is your dog cookbook section?”

Me: “Um… dog cookbooks?”

Customer: “Yes. Where are they located?”

Me: “We don’t have a dog cookbook section in the store. I don’t think we have any dog cookbooks at all.”

Customer: *stares blankly* “You can’t be serious.”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss. I might be able to order-”

Customer: *interrupting* “YOU DON’T HAVE ANY DOG COOKBOOKS?! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY DOG FOR CHRISTMAS?”

Me: “Have you considered a nice set of dog cookware?”

Customer: *storms out*

This story is part of our Even-Crazier-Pet-Owners roundup!

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Customer: “I bought ten fish and they all DIED. The customer service desk said you would get me new ones. Here’s my receipt.”

Me: “It looks like you had ten feeder goldfish?”

Customer: “Yes, and they all DIED. I want new ones.”

Me: “That’s unusual. Goldfish are pretty hardy. Did they have any little white spots, or anything like that before they died?”

Customer: “No, I went to feed them and they were all dead in the bowl!”

Me: Wait… you had ten goldfish in a bowl? What size?”

Customer: “Like this!” *points to a small bowl on the shelf*

Me: “Ma’am, that bowl only holds a gallon of water. The general rule for fish is ‘a gallon of water per inch of fish’. So for these goldfish at the size they’re now, you would need a tank larger then ten gallons to accommodate them.”

Customer: “I want them in a bowl! Maybe I’ll get smaller fish. How much are these?” *pointing*

Me: “Those are fancy guppies; they’re two dollars.”

Customer: “EACH?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “What about those?

Me: “Those are angelfish; they’re four dollars.”

Customer: “EACH?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Just give me the ten fish to replace my other ones! Those are only 39 cents each!”

Me: “Fine… but if you put them all in the same bowl, they’re all going to die again, and I don’t want to hear about it when they do!”

Customer: *pause* “Get me my fish!”

(She got her new fish. No idea what the death toll was.)

This story is part of the Terrible Fish Owners roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

14 Times Aquarium Customers Made You Wish You Were Out At Sea

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Read the Terrible Fish Owners roundup!

Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Place]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I ordered some food and I need a refund.”

Me: “Of course; can you please explain what the matter with your food was?”

Customer: “Well, I drove it home and put it on the counter. My husband asked me to help him rake up some leaves. When I got back in, the dog had gotten up on the counter and eaten everything.”

Me: “You want me to replace the food your dog ate?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…”

This story is part of our Even-Crazier-Pet-Owners roundup!

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Read the Even-Crazier-Pet-Owners roundup!

(I am working in the reptile department and I often get questions about the snakes.)

Customer: “What do you feed these snakes?”

Me: “Those snakes? Usually feeder mice.”

Customer: “You feed them live mice?”

Me: “Yes, that’s what they eat.”

Customer: “Well, don’t you think that’s cruel?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Can’t you feed them a vegetarian diet?”

Me: “No, they need to eat a diet similar to what they would naturally eat in the wild.”

Customer: “Well, I think that’s just awful. They should be able to survive on vegetables.”

Me: “I’m sorry…  You’ll have to talk to God about that one.”

This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

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Customer: *marches to the front desk with her young granddaughter* “Hello, dear. Are you in charge here?”

Me: “Well, I’m in charge of the front desk. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to purchase a dog for my granddaughter.”

Me: “Er… ma’am, this is a kennel.”

Customer: “I’m aware of that! I just want to buy a dog for my granddaughter; she wants a pug.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell the animals here. We take care of dogs and cats for their owners.”

Customer: “What? You do all the work for those lazy sons of b****es?”

Me: “Um… no. The kennel takes in dogs and cats for owners when they go away for vacation or business. When they come back, they take their pets back. It’s like daycare.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand me, boy. I told my granddaughter we were coming here to get her a dog, and you will get her a d*** dog!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but like I said before, we do not sell the dogs we keep. They are other people’s pets.”

Customer: “Goodness!” *pause* “Can I have a cat, then?”

Me: “Ma’am, does your granddaughter go to daycare?”

Customer: “Yes, but that is irrel–”

Me: “How would you like it if I went to your granddaughter’s daycare and bought her off?”

Customer: *storms off*