The Devil Wears Costumes

| WV, USA | Right | October 31, 2016

(My best friend works in a seasonal Halloween store in our town. Since it’s only open for a little over a month each year, and the sister store is a 45 minute drive away, they can get a lot of business most days. A mutual friend and I go to her work to hang out and look around while we wait for her to get off. The staff is small, but we’re all very close. One of her coworkers has just gotten off the phone and huffs, noticeably irritated.)

Mutual Friend: “Angry customer?”

Worker: “It’s this woman I’ve been trying to contact about a costume. She needed a size for it we didn’t have, so we had to get it from our store in [Town 45 minutes away] and she didn’t answer our call yesterday so I left a message, except she never called back. So I called her again when we opened this morning and she’s just now getting to me demanding why I’m bothering her. I say, if you want the costume you need to get it today or I have to put it on the shelves for others to look at. It’s a very popular costume this year, and she says she’ll stop by when she’s ready.”

Owner: “You can’t please everyone. We have policies like this for a reason. I can’t tell you how many people want us to hold items but never get them.”

(Fast forward about an hour. The store closes in twenty minutes at nine pm when a pair of young women walk in and head straight for the service counter. It’s obvious this is the woman on the phone and we watch her snatch the costume bag from the coworker’s hands. Our friend is manning the changing rooms and walks over.)

Friend Working: “Ma’am? Can I suggest you try the costume real quick before checking out? Just to make sure everything fits comfortably?”

Woman: *snottily* “Well, why? Like, I already know it fits me.”

Coworker: “It’s just that our policy states all sales are final. We don’t do any returns or exchanges so if something is wrong or missing from the outfit, we need to know now so you’re getting everything you wanted.”

Woman: “Ugh, FINE!” *stomps over to the fitting rooms*

(I’m sitting on the floor with our mutual friend watching the exchange. We’ve made our purchases, most of the lights in the store are off, and other workers are sweeping or unplugging their props for the night. The woman and her friend then spend the remaining time in the front mirror outside the changing rooms loudly gossiping and complaining.)

Woman: “I don’t see why I have to do this. If I don’t like it, I’ll get my money back. It’s just a cheap costume anyway.”

Woman’s Friend: “Like, yeah! As if we weren’t already busy. Whatever.”

(Almost fifteen minutes after the store should have closed for the night, the woman finally gets dressed, buys the outfit and leaves in a huff. My friend grabs her jacket, clocks out, and practically RUNS to our car.)

Me: “Wow, [Friend], I thought I got all the horrible people at my job!”

Friend Working: “That’s not even the half of it. We get people like that ALL the time. Even people who try to come in December and call [Owner] as if he should even be open then to sell Halloween stuff!”

Mutual Friend: “They were some straight up b****es.”

Friend Working: “I would have said something if they weren’t going to buy it, but whatever. That’s not even the worst part. When she went to the counter to pay, she demanded a discount for the trouble we caused HER. She said we owed her for ruining her day-off by having to come in and pick up her order.”

Makes You Just Go ‘Powwow’ Wow

| Coeur d'Alene, ID, USA | Right | July 22, 2016

(There’s a few Reservations around the region, and there’s an annual powwow that takes place in June. We run into this issue every year, and this is usually how it goes:)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Could you find me one that sits on my head right?”

(He holds up an “Indian headdress” – the kind that’s a bunch of dyed multicolored feathers strapped to a band.)

Me: “Uh… are you going to the powwow?”

Customer: “Yep! I wanted to go, and I wanted to be authentic.”

Me: “I would highly suggest you do NOT wear that to the powwow.”

Customer: “What? Why? Isn’t this traditional?”

Me: “No, it’s not. For one, it looks nothing like a real war bonnet, and secondly, in most tribes a real headdress is reserved for great leaders and warriors, and are considered sacred.”

Customer: *blank look*

Me: “It’s considered offensive.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(Usually most customers would put it back, but it happens every year.)

Search Your Feelings, You Know It To Be True

| KY, USA | Right | October 30, 2015

(It is October, 1999. I am in the local fabric store with some friends, getting costuming stuff. We run across a woman buying up materials for making an Anakin Skywalker costume for her nine-year-old son that’s with her. He really, really likes ‘Star Wars: The Phantom Menace;’ it is his favorite movie and he has come to be a huge fan of ‘Star Wars.’)

Boy: “I’ve watched the original trilogy of films every week and that I’ve seen Episode I in theaters a dozen times and can’t wait for it to come out on tape!”

Mom: “I hope my boy grows up to be just like Anakin!” *she then goes on talking about what a great role model Anakin is for young boys and how she encourages her boy to be like Anakin… cue the awkward pause and cringe by me and my friends*

Me: “Uh, do you know that Anakin Skywalker grows up to be Darth Vader?”

Mom: “Don’t be crazy. You’re making that up. There’s no way sweet little Anakin could ever become evil like that. Besides, he doesn’t grow up to be Vader. They have different names after all.”

Me: “These are prequels. They are set decades before the original films, right? Okay, the hero of the original films was Luke Skywalker right? Okay, remember the “No, I am your father.” part that Vader says?”

(That is when it clicked to her. She’d never put it together. She got a look of abject horror on her face when she realized it was true. She grabbed her boy by the hand, dragging him out of the store, saying he was going to be something else for Halloween, and he was not allowed to ever watch Star Wars ever again and she was getting rid of all his Star Wars stuff because it was filled with such bad role models for children.)

Godzilla Versus The Muppets

| Chicago, IL, USA | Working | September 4, 2015

Me: “Hi, I am looking for a costume I saw on your website. It is a hood and gloves that looks like a Godzilla-type green monster?”

Employee: “Oh, yeah, I know just what you’re talking about! It’s over here!”

(The employee leads me to a display and shows me a very revealing, full body costume that looks like a Muppet.)

Employee: “This is it!”

Me: “No, this is a full-body Muppet. What I am looking for just goes over your head and hands, and looks like Godzilla.”

Employee: “Oh, sorry. Now I know what you’re talking about!”

(Leads me to a different display, takes off a package of green leg warmers and hands them to me.)

Me: “No, this isn’t it either…”

Employee: “Sorry. Wait, what did you ask for me for again? A teddy bear?”

Me: “Never mind. Maybe I can find it myself.”

From Flappers To Flares

| USA | Right | August 31, 2015

Customer: “Hi, I need a dress for a show I’m singing in.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. What time period are you looking for?”

Customer: “Just a dress from ‘back then.'”

Me: “When exactly?”

Customer: “Like, between the ’20s and the ’60s.”

Page 1/3123