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Dig Deeper At Your Own Risk

, , , | Right | March 24, 2009

(A customer and her young son are buying a bag of birdseed when she notices a picture of my horse on the board behind me.)

Customer: “Oh, what a beautiful horse! Is he a black stallion?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, he’s a gelding.”

Customer: “Oh… what’s the difference?”

Me: “A gelding is a male horse who’s been castrated.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Uh… a male horse who’s been neutered.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “A male horse who’s had his testicles surgically removed.”

Customer: “I still don’t…”

Me: “A horse with no balls, ma’am.”

Customer: *covering her son’s ears* “My goodness! My son’s only five, you know! He doesn’t need to hear that language!”

Me: “…have a nice day, ma’am.”

Just Add Water

, , , | Right | March 20, 2009

(I work in a pet store that does not sell live feeder mice. We only sell frozen feeder mice that come four a container.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I have a question about these feeder mice. If I unfreeze them, will they come back to life?”

Honk Twice For Bird Barrage

, , , , , | Right | March 16, 2009

(I work at a call center for truck drivers.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the service center. My name is [My Name]. Are you experiencing a breakdown?”

Trucker: “Yeah, I need a new windshield.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What happened to your current windshield?”

Trucker: “A bird went through it.”

Me: “All right, a bird hit your windshield and cracked it, correct?”

Trucker: “No, the bird went THROUGH the windshield. It’s sitting in the passenger seat now and the windshield has a hole in it.”

Me: “So, what kind of bird is it?”

Trucker: “… a dead one.”

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Those Pesky Survival Instincts

, , , , , , | Right | March 16, 2009

Me: “Thank you for coming to [National Park]. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

Customer: “Thank you. Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “It’s a national park, ma’am.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The animals are wild.”

Customer: “All of them?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not very safe!” *walks away*

This story is part of the National Parks-themed roundup!

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Dr. Doolittle’s House Of Style

, , | Right | March 11, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cosmetics]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Do you test your product on animals?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we do not.”

Caller: “Not even on unicorns?”

Me: “Uhh… no.”

Caller: “What about mongooses?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Dogs?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Then how do you test your products?”

Me: “I believe they’re tested by using clinical trials.”

Caller: “So, you don’t test your product on animals?”

Me: “No, we do not.”

Caller: “That’s great! Bye!” *hangs up*