(I am a female, as is my manager.)
Manager: “You know, [My Name], you really do a good job…”
Me: “Well, thanks—”
Manager: “…which is surprising, because I really don’t like women. They’re so needy and… I don’t know. They just suck. Don’t women suck?!”
Me: “Um. I… suppose? I’m going to get back to work now.”
Manager: “Oh, right. See what I mean? You’re so good at this job!”
(I am a female working in a reptile store, so it’s fairly common for people to question why I would be interested in snakes and lizards. On this particular day, I’m helping a woman and her six-year-old daughter hold a snake.)
Customer: “So, do you have any reptiles of your own at home?”
Me: “Oh, yes, I have a ton.” *laughs*
Customer: “How does that affect your dating life? I mean, boys can’t possibly think that’s attractive in a girl!”
(The customer’s question has caught me off guard, but I try to remain friendly.)
Me: “Um, it doesn’t really have an effect. It’s not usually an issue.”
Customer’s Daughter: “Mommy, can I get a pet snake?!”
Customer: “No, sweetie. We want YOU to have boyfriends.”
Me: *speechless*
This story is part of our Snakes roundup!
(I work in a large pet supply store that also sells pet rodents and rabbits. My job includes offering advice and info to those who want to buy a pet.)
Customer: “Excuse me, are these a kind of hamster?”
Me: “No sir, those are rats.”
Customer: “Wild rats?! Are you sure they’re not a kind of long-tailed hamster?”
Me: “They’re definitely rats. They’re not wild; they’re domestic. They’re also known as ‘fancy rats’.”
Customer: “Okay, so do they carry the plague, too?”
(I’m used to this question. It’s always been asked jokingly, so I chuckle.)
Me: “Nope, no plague. Rats are very clean pets and are actually cleaner than your average pet dog or cat.”
Customer: “I don’t want disease in my house. Are you sure these aren’t carrying plague?”
(I realise he is totally serious.)
Me: “I assure you, these rats are perfectly safe to own.”
Customer: “I don’t believe you! How do you know?”
Me: “I actually own several rats and they make really lovely pets. They’re very clever and affectionate.”
(Suddenly, he becomes very agitated and backs away from me. He covers his mouth by lifting his t-shirt over it, simultaneously revealing an obscene and racist tattoo on his stomach.)
Me: “Sir, I need you to lower your shirt please… right now.”
Customer: *loudly so everyone in the store can hear* “She has plague rats in her house! Stay away from her! Oh my God, what the f*** is wrong with you?! Do you want people to get ill?! I’ll kick your a** in for trying to make me ill!”
(At this point, two burly male colleagues of mine come running from other aisles to help. They make the customer put his shirt back down and try to escort him out of the shop, but he struggles like mad in his bid to ‘warn’ everyone. They have trouble restraining him, despite their height and strength.)
Customer: “She’s diseased for God’s sake! She has plague rats!”
(One of my coworkers who has been escorting him out decides he’s had enough and speaks up.)
Male Coworker #1: “I keep rats too, mate. Now, get out in case I give you the plague too! Don’t come back, either—the plague might be in the air!”
(At this, the customer freezes and then bolts screaming from the shop. The other customers applaud my coworkers, I get an extra ten-minute break and three nice people gave homes to pairs of rats after wanting to find out more about them!)
This story is part of our Hamsters Roundup!
Read the next Hamster Roundup story!
Read the Hamsters Roundup!
(I am bagging some fish for a customer who is setting up a new tank.)
Me: “Alright, here are your fish. If you’d like to follow me, I can show you where the fish food is.”
Customer: “Fish food? You mean I have to feed them?”
Me: “Well, yes, unless you want them to die.”
Customer: “But I don’t have time to feed any pets. Don’t you have an animal I don’t have to feed?”
(One day, my boss meets me at the door as I report to work with a curt request to come to her office. With the door open so customers and co-workers can all hear, she begins lambasting me about my “unacceptable behavior” of late.)
Boss: *angrily* “Last night, [coworker] stated that you never spoke to him even once, hid in the back and refused to check out customers!”
Me: “First, we did talk, and—”
Boss: “He said it was pretty quiet!”
Me: “Well, I was in the back stocking the entire large food bag section entirely by myself.”
Boss: “Well, your behavior is unacceptable, so I’m writing you up!” *hands me a write-up to sign*
Me: “Okay, let me just get this straight. I am being written up for not talking to [coworker] because I was busy doing heavy stocking while he leaned on the counter up front and texted on his phone all night?”
(There is a pained silence where my boss and I simply stare unblinkingly at one another.)
Boss: *snatches the write-up from my hand* “Go and make today’s bank deposit.”
(I make the deposit as she requests, and return for the write-up.)
Me: *politely* “May I please sign the write-up?”
Boss: *defeated* “Oh, I tore that up…”
