23 Crazy Stories That Only Hamster-Owners Will Understand

Dear readers,

Hamsters, like most pets, are a lot of work! Daily feeding, changing hay, cleaning out the mess, playtime and socializing, etc. We’d like to think that most pet owners are responsible, but sadly anyone who has spent more than a few minutes on this site knows that responsibility and common sense are in shockingly low supply.

We’ve been running the hamster wheel into overdrive to get you 23 crazy stories from our archives about hamsters and other cute rodents, those who own them, and those who definitely SHOULDN’T own them!

The Lesser Of Two Buttocks – One is cute and hairy, and the other is a hamster.

Pray She Hasn’t Got A Cat Called Tom – Wouldn’t be the first customer on this site that lived in a cartoon reality.

Those Oh-So Subtle Distinctions – When you make a Freudian slip make sure it’s not on top of a hamster.

You No Challenge Tarzan – Ace Ventura opens a pet store.

Third Tail’s A Charm – Maybe if you can count the hamster as a child?

Chinchilla, I Choose You – For those who needed one more Pokémon story after yesterday!

What What It’s A Butt – Lying to your children makes you a butt.

Be Sure To Ask For Frickin Laser Beams – This story has an army of battle-hamsters and if that’s not enough to get you to read it then nothing will.

There’s Always A Bigger Fish – Actually, the hamster and the goldfish will become best friends and journey on a quest together.

Avoid This Customer Like The Plague – The timing of this story might suck, but it kinda explains a lot of the stupidity we’re seeing lately.

Alternative Pet – Hamster pride!

Pet Yourself In My Shoes – Giving Karen a taste of her own medicine.

There Can Be Only One (Pet At A Time) – What you need is a Turritopsis dohrnii.

The Birds And The Bees And The Hamsters – When a hamster is also a tribble.

Playing In The Big Garden (State) In The Sky – Sending the hamster to the old farm to live with Grandma.

Pooped Trying To Explain It All – Reading this story will make you feel pooped in more ways than one.

Sadly Having A Ball – There are people who should not have pets, and then there are those who should not even have children…

Not Very Cagey About Their Drinking – We really hope this hamster is okay… and not plastered.

Not Really Feline The Friendship – The hamster is not very a-mew-sed.

Sold A Hamster By A Dirty Rat – Ruby would not approve of this behavior.

In Soviet Russia, Hamster Buys You – A Djungarian is far more tolerable than a KnowItAllarian.

Getting Cagey About Buying A Pet – How dare you tell me I have to be responsible for my pet!

Ratting Out Ignorance – All hamsters are just cunningly-disguised lizards.

We hope you enjoyed this Hamster-themed roundup! Any stories we missed? Let us know in the comments! Want to send in your own story? Submit your story here!

Check out more roundups here to see if you’ve missed any!