(My store has an outdoor gardening section, which is currently buried under a meter of snow.)
Customer: “Excuse me. When do you get the live plants in?”
Me: “Just as soon as the weather is nice enough for them to survive outside.”
Customer: “Well, when will that be?”
Me: “Um, after the snow melts.”
Customer: “Yeah, but when?”
(This happens over the phone.)
Customer: “Is [Coworker #1] working today?”
Me: “No, sorry, he’s not, but [Coworker #2] is. Would you like me to get him?”
Customer: “No, it needs to be [Coworker #1].”
Me: “Hmm. Well, he doesn’t work today. But all the electronics associates know the same stuff, so if you have a question, I’m sure [Coworker #2] can help you.”
Customer: “Nooooo! It has to be [Coworker #1]!”
Me: “Well, he’s off today, so you’ll have to call back, or come into the store tomorrow, or something. Sorry about that.”
Customer: “What am I going to doooo?”
Me: “You can wait until tomorrow, or you can talk to someone else.”
Customer: “But I can’t wait until tomorrow!”
Me: “Then, I will get another electronics associate for you.”
Customer: “Nooo! It has to be [Coworker #1]! Can you just call him at home?”
Me: “Um, no. No, I can’t call him at home.”
Customer: “Can you give me his number so I can call him at home?”
Me: “No, I can’t do that.”
Customer: “Ugh! Fine, I’ll call back tomorrow!”
(It’s near the end of the night and we’ve been closed for about half an hour at this point. All of our lights are off, including the one on our drive-thru menu board. I head outside to take out the last load of garbage. There’s a car at our drive-thru speaker:)
Driver: *spotting me* “Hey, nobody is answering me! I’ve been here for five minutes now.”
Me: “Sorry, we actually closed a half hour ago.”
Driver: *seemingly ignoring me, yelling at the speaker* “I CAN’T READ YOUR MENU! TURN ON A LIGHT FOR ME!”
Me: “Sir, like I said, we actually aren’t open right now. We closed about half an hour ago. We’ll be open at 11:00 am tomorrow, though, if you’d like to come by then.”
Driver: *pulls out a flashlight and reads the board* “I WANT A #5 COMBO! HELLO? HEELLOOOO?!”
Me: “Sir, sorry for repeating myself, but we’re closed. Nobody is going to take your order, because we aren’t open. We’ve been closed for a while now, but you’re more than welcome to come back tomorrow when we’re open again.”
Driver: *suddenly notices me again* “Why aren’t you in there making my food? You’ve been out here doing nothing this entire time!”
Me: “I can’t take your order, sir. Even if I did, all of our tills are offline and our equipment is shut down and being cleaned. There is no way I could possibly give you any food tonight.”
Driver: “Oh, well, why didn’t you just say so?”
(He sped off after that.)
Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 26
(I work in a computer store. It is very common for customers, particularly older ones, to be baffled by our technology, and I often find myself explaining the most basic of basics to uncomprehending tech newbies. One afternoon, I get a call from a kindly-sounding gentleman who I can tell is going to need some special assistance.)
Me: “Hello, [Business]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Hi! You sell used monitors there, right?”
Me: “Yes, we do! We have about thirty in the store right now, prices ranging from $79 to $225.”
Customer: “Excellent! What background colours do you have?”
(It took me five minutes to explain to him that the background on a computer monitor was changeable, like his TV set at home, and not preset by the factory.)
(Our shop specializes in walk-in, available pizza, so we do not have our own drivers, but use a local delivery company. Customers who order delivery are told this over the phone, as they have to pay the delivery fee, as well. One cold December night, a woman orders two large meat pizzas for delivery. The pizzas are made and then sent away with a delivery company. I always make sure to put extra toppings on delivery pizzas, because our prices for large pizzas and for delivery are so high. The phone rings again, and my coworker answers. I overhear him mention the pizza box’s reheating instructions during the conversation, but I am busy focused on a task. When I wrap up what I am doing, I look over, and my poor coworker is just standing there, silent, bemused, and holding the phone. I walk over, and he wordlessly passes the phone to me. I can hear the screaming already coming through the phone. My coworker explains the issue to me in one ear while she screams through the phone into my other. Her pizzas, delivered far from the store’s location on a cold day — it was -25°C or 13°F — via a delivery company we have no control over had not arrived as fast and as hot as she was expecting. I try to speak but she keeps screaming profanities.)
Me: *trying to interject louder* “Ma’am! MA’AM, I WOULD LIKE TO HELP YOU!”
(She is not placated, and I don’t even think she heard me. Repeat. No results. She’s still screaming. Lukewarm pizza broke this woman, and it’s our fault.)
Customer: “I’M A F***ING PAYING CUSTOMER. I JUST WANT TO BE F***ING SATISFIED. SSSSAAAAATTTTISSSSFFFYYYYY MEEEEEEEEEE!”
