My dad’s family is from a very popular US territory island. I’m working at a location in a very small town.

Coworker: “So, you mentioned once that you’re half Spanish on your dad’s side. Right?”

Me: “Yep.”

I get this a lot. I’m probably the only person of that ethnicity in the area.

Coworker: “So, remind me, where was your dad born?”

Me: “[Large City].”

Coworker: “Huh?”

Me: *Slightly louder* “[Large City].”

Coworker: “No, no. Where’s he from?”

I know what she’s getting at, but I play dumb.

Me: *Much louder* “[Large City].”

Coworker: “You mean… he was born in the US? He’s a citizen and everything?”

Me: “Yes and yes. I mean, even if he was born on the island, he’d still be a citizen, since it’s part of the US.”

Coworker: “No, it isn’t.”

Me: “Yes, it is. It’s a US territory, and has been for over 100 years.”

Coworker: “I went to [Territory] and I had to show my passport. It’s not part of the US.”

Me: “I think I know my own family history. Are you sure that’s where you went?”

Coworker: “Yes! I think so. Or maybe not. Maybe it was the Dominican Republic or the Bahamas…”

She wandered off. I texted my parents the story. My dad joked that she was trying to get me deported. Obviously, I don’t work there anymore.

Since I started working remotely, my boss has implemented morning meetings via video chat. Everything he goes over in the meetings is sent out in an email right before, so it’s kind of a waste of time. Still, we met while we worked in the office — without the email sent out — so we meet from home. 

Boss: “Okay! Everybody is here.”

He reads from the email, pausing after each point to allow for questions and comments.

About fifteen minutes into the meeting:

Coworker: “Hey, [Boss], I gotta go. My kids are fighting.”

Boss: “Okay, just finish the email and touch base when you can.”

[Coworker] signs off.

Boss: “Right, so as we were…”

This continues every day for a week and a half; my coworker’s kids always start fighting or someone is at the door or something happens that [Coworker] has to go. [Boss] starts to get suspicious and begins asking different employees about [Coworker]. The next meeting goes as follows:

About fifteen minutes in:

Boss: “So, we should try—”

Coworker: “Hey, [Boss], look, I gotta go. The dog is at the door and—”

Boss: “I didn’t hear a dog.”

Coworker: “Yeah, my mic must have been muted. Look, I gotta go.”

Boss: *Sternly* “[Coworker]. You don’t have a dog, do you?”

Coworker: “Um…”

Boss: “Or kids.”

Coworker: “Well, I—”

Boss: “Sit down.”

He stared at the screen for a while before continuing with the meeting. I knew he wasn’t looking at me and I still wanted to squirm. I don’t know if anything else happened between the two of them, but my coworker hasn’t tried to get out of a meeting since.

The small nonprofit I work for has to close during the health crisis shutdown; however, we still have some online options available. My boss wants to change the home page of our website to better display them. I work full-time on marketing and do the occasional website update, but a coworker does website maintenance primarily.

Boss: “I’d like the website to look like [Similar Nonprofit in a different city]’s.”

Me: “I’m in a bit of a rush to get our online products out; can we try to work with the existing format for now?”

Boss: “Sure, let’s do that.”

The online content is released but it shows up a bit weird.

Boss: “I don’t like how it displays our products. I’ll ask [Our Contracted Website Company] to fix it.”

Me: “They would have to charge us for that and we’re trying to cut down on expenses. [Colleague] knows more about the website, so can you run it by her, instead? I’m a bit swamped marketing the online products.”

Boss: “Will do, thanks.”

A couple of days later, I call my boss to see where we are in general.

Boss: “I phoned [Our Contracted Website Company] and they can help us with the website. They said we can duplicate our existing skin for the new sections? I’m not sure exactly what that means. I’ll forward you the email they sent.”

I skim through the email and see an estimate of $250-500 for the update.

Me: “[Coworker] will be able to do this, and then we’re not paying extra for it.”

Boss: “Okay, can you ask her?”

Why couldn’t you have done that when suggested it two days ago?

My parents raised me to always be polite and address people by “sir” and “ma’am,” if not “Mister” or “Miss”, and this has stuck with me into adulthood. This generally works out in my favor, as I live in an area with a lot of seniors who appreciate the respectful address. Sometimes, though, the strength of habit becomes clear. I am on the phone with a lovely older woman when this happens:

Me: “All right, I’ve gotten that all taken care of for you. Was there anything else I could help you with, ma’am?”

Customer: “Oh, no, [My Name], you’ve been great! And you can just call me [First Name].”

Me: “Yes, ma’—”

I bite my tongue and the customer catches it because I can hear the playful smirk in her voice.

Customer: “You can’t do it, can you?”

Me: *Gritted out* “No, ma’am.”

We shared a laugh and ended the call. Some people have gotten mad at me when I’ve struggled to address them by their first name; it’s nice to have someone who understands!

I have a quite stressful job at quality assurance in our factory. Luckily, we are a great team. One of my coworkers, otherwise a silent, nice guy, is a bit of a walking Wikipedia, and from time to time, he decides to entertain us with bits of trivia he finds interesting. Despite how it sounds, he comes out as the opposite of annoying as those little bits, completely unrelated to our work, are like little tea breaks for our high-strung brains.

One day, I am venting about our cafeteria, which is not good at all. Basically, there is only some sort of chicken, five days a week. My coworker lets me calm down, and after some time, he starts:

Coworker: “[My Name], you know, there are very interesting bugs, called Dermestidae, often called skin beetles or museum beetles. There are about 1,600 species of them and some are considered pests because they eat grain or clothes, but overall, they are very useful, as they get rid of dead organic matter. In the show Bones, they use them to clean the bones of the corpse! And there is one subfamily of them called Thaumaglossa. They are very specialized, as they only eat ootekas — egg containers — of mantids. Really, the only thing they eat is ootekas.”

Me: “Is that so?”

Coworker: “Yes! So, why do you complain about having to eat chicken?”

My colleague was genuinely startled when the whole office exploded into laughter, as he did not realize that our colleagues listened to him. We all agreed that this one took the cake for a surprise ending. The cafeteria is still crap, though.