(I work at a large and fairly popular movie theater in my area, mostly in the middle of the week and the entire weekend. This particular weekend is the opening of the popular children’s movie “Storks,” and large crowds of parents and their children come to see it. Naturally, this means that the auditoriums showing the film are disaster areas. It’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m working as the lead usher, where I make sure that my team is quickly and properly cleaning the theaters and that trash is being taken care of. We’re cleaning up our largest theater, which holds nearly 500 people at full capacity. There’s popcorn, candy, and trash everywhere, and every trash can is overflowing. I’m forced to call a manager to assist us with cleaning. A large group of people waiting for the next showing has gathered outside, and they are impatient.)

Manager: *over his radio* “Could we get an extra set of hands in this theater? We’re not going to get this done in time.”

Supervisor: *over her radio* “Yeah, I’m on my way now.”

(As my supervisor steps through the doors to the theater, I can hear the guests whining and complaining outside.)

Me: “Don’t we have a hold-out line for this theater? I hate listening to these people.”

Supervisor: “We were supposed to, but no one told the greeter, so he didn’t direct them towards it.”

Me: “Great.”

(We frantically try to finish cleaning the theater. At this point, we’re not as thorough about it as we usually are; we just need to get it done. I finish cleaning my area and head to the trash cans so I can change them. Unfortunately, the guests standing by the doors can see me through the windows. One of them, a middle-aged gentleman, steps into the theater.)

Guest: *yelling* “Are you guys done yet?”

Me: “We’re still trying to finish up in here. I’m so sorry about the wait, sir, but it’s very messy and we’re going as fast as we can.”

Guest: *walking further into the theater and still yelling* “Can’t you go any faster?”

(Before I can respond, my manager walks towards us, looking extremely frustrated.)

Manager: “Sir, if you could please go back outside and wait, we are almost finished in here.”

(The man grumbles and steps back outside, and my manager helps me change out the trash. I start to get a little nervous watching the people outside get more and more frustrated, but we finish after that and begin walking out of the theater. As we step out, the crowd starts clapping and walking into the theater before my ushers, the manager, the supervisor, and I have exited. I frown at everyone as they walk by and listen to them grumble.)

Guest: “They always take so long to clean the theater; it’s so annoying.”

Guest’s Friend: “I know; I wish they would go faster.”

(My ushers and I wait for everybody to enter the theater before moving on to the next one.)

Me: “God, did you see how they clapped for us? That was so frustrating.”

Usher: “It was so messy in there; it was ridiculous.”

Me: “I know. You’d think people would keep it clean so we don’t take so long and make everyone angry.”

(An hour and a half later, we returned to the theater to find it just as messy as it was earlier. People never learn.)

(This is when the big, all-in-one, self-serve, “freestyle” soda dispensers are still a relatively new concept. I work at the concession stand in a movie theater where this exact interaction takes place multiple times a day.)

Me: “Here’s your cup for your drink.”

Customer #1: “We get the drinks ourselves?”

Me: *gestures across the lobby* “Yes, it’s self-serve at the freestyles, right over there.”

Customer #1: *looking around, confused* “What’s a ‘freestyle’?”

Me: *smiling politely* “The big red machines over in the corner.”

Customer #1: *smiles gratefully and laughs a little* “Okay, thanks!”

(I never get irritated at repeatedly answering that same question with that same answer, because I had never heard of a “freestyle” until I started working here, so I have sympathy for the customers’ confusion. But for everyone’s benefit, I decide to start cutting to the chase, while also hopefully still getting a smile or chuckle out of our customers. This happens with the very first customer I try my new tactic on.)

Me: “Here’s your cup for your drink.”

Customer #2: “We get the drinks ourselves?”

Me: *gestures to freestyles while smiling brightly* “Yep! At the big red machines over there.”

(The customer suddenly scowls at me and emits an irritated laugh.)

Customer #2: “So, you think I’m just some stupid b**** you have to dumb it down for? GOD!”

(The customer stormed off, muttering about how rude I was and how stupid I must have thought she was. I went back to the old spiel after that.)

(We have one coworker at the theater who is a deadweight. He always comes in late and does very little work. I’m in the lobby when I notice one of the auditoriums is letting out.)

Me: *to the manager* “Hey, I’m going to go clean the auditorium.”

Manager: “Okay, then. Hey, [Coworker]! You go in and help him.

Me: *under my breath* “G**d*** it!”

(We both go into the auditorium, and instead of picking up trash or sweeping, my coworker just follows me around making farting noises.)

Coworker: *makes a farting sound* “Ew, [My Name]! You’re nasty.”

Me: “Really? You’re doing this? How old are you? Twenty or ten?”

Coworker: “What are you talking about? I’m not doing anything.” *makes another farting sound* “Dude! What did you eat?”

Me: *sigh*

(This goes on the entire time. I finally get done with the auditorium, and then I go up to the manager.)

Me: “The next time you want to send [Coworker] to help me clean auditoriums, please do me a favor and don’t.”

(He eventually left to work at a grocery store around the corner. I heard he only lasted a couple of months.)

(I’ve just printed out the cinema tickets for a woman and her son, who is 10 or 11 years old. There is a growing line behind her.)

Me: “Here you are, miss. I hope you enjoy the film!”

Woman: “Are you gay?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “Are you gay?“

Me: “That’s really none of your business.”

Woman: “When it comes to my son, it is!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but what has being gay got to do with your son?”

Woman: *now hugging her son so tightly I wonder if he can breathe* “You might make him gay, too!”

Me: “Even if that was possible, I don’t see how that would be an issue. Now, if you could please stand aside, there are others waiting to be served.”

Woman: *quite literally dropping her son and ripping up the tickets I just gave her* “Get me someone else, like this young lady. I don’t want some [slur] giving me [slur] tickets!”

Me: *turning to my colleague — who is actually gay — who has been trying to serve her line without bursting into tears* “I’ll get a manager down. Are you okay with being alone until I get back?”

(My coworker nods, so I turn back to the woman.)

Me: “I’ll be back in a minute.”

(I can hear her screaming obscenities the entire time I’m in the back, and my manager asks about the noise as I enter his office. We both head back to find the son stood behind the counter, crying and hugging my colleague with quite a visible red mark on his face. My colleague is screaming at the top of her lungs along with the woman, who is being held back by several of the customers; it looks like she’s trying to mount the counter.)

Woman: *noticing me* “YOU [SLUR]! YOU DIRTY F****** [SLUR]! You did it! I’LL KILL YOU!”

Colleague: “Take him in the back. I think he’s bleeding.”

(My manager takes the boy into the back, as he is indeed bleeding down his neck. The woman is now being dragged out of the building as I call the police.)

Colleague: “No, one of the customers has already called.”

Me: “What happened?”

Colleague: “My girlfriend brought me my lunch, and she just turned on her. I thought she was going get physical, and I… I lost it. I told her to forget the tickets and get out, or I’d drag her out while phoning the police.”

Me: “But what about her son?”

Colleague: “She grabbed him by the ear and tried pulling him out. He started screaming and she full-on slapped him! That’s when the other customers stepped in. The boy ran straight to me.”

Me: “I thought the whole point of this was to protect him.”

(My colleague just shrugged. The police and paramedics arrived to find the son sitting with my colleague and her girlfriend in the back, watching one of the recent films that was pulled. He went off to the hospital to have stitches while we gave statements to the officers. About two weeks later, the son’s father came in and apologised for his ex-wife’s behaviour. They had divorced a few years back, and she had had visitation rights with the son that day. She was previously deemed unfit to be a parent due to severe psychological issues that emerged during her pregnancy, but they had believed her to be improving. We didn’t hear anything else after that, and hope they’re all doing well.)

(A person walks in, wanders past the box office and concession, and moves straight to the self-serve soda fountain. He pulls a cup from a very popular fast-food chain out of his backpack and fills it.)

Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to pay for that.”

Customer: “Why? I bought this here, and you’re supposed to get free refills!”

Me: “Sir, I really don’t think you bought that here.”

(He storms up to me and thrusts the cup in my face.)

Customer: “Here! You happy?! I bought this here!”

Me: “Yeah, sir… I’m sorry, but I don’t think our company logo is an M comprised of two golden arches.”

Customer: *defeated* “How much will it be?”

(He leaves. A coworker who witnessed the entire ordeal speaks up.)

Coworker: “Did he really just try to pass off a fast food cup as one of ours… to your face?”

Me: “Yes… Yes, he did.”