(One of our regular customers is a magician, and tends to have various novelty items.)
Me: *to a coworker* “Hey, check out what [Customer] just gave me.”
(I hand him what appears to be a one-inch, handmade wooden stool inside a plastic medicine vial.)
Coworker: “What the h*** is that?”
Me: “A ‘stool sample.'”
Coworker: *groans*
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(A projector has broken down. Everyone is being very cool about it, as we are offering free passes to anyone who is inconvenienced by the matter, but the uncommonly understanding nature of the people worries me since I know it’ll come back to bite me later on. At about 9:00 pm, we have to cancel a screening of a family film at 10:45 pm, as a result, to make room for another film that’s just opened and proving to be an unexpectedly huge hit, but as it’s a school night we don’t worry, since no tickets are sold. As soon as 10:45 hits, a sudden massive group enters, with a very frazzled-looking woman and about a dozen children who range between five and ten years old.)
Customer: “I need tickets for [Family Film].”
Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but there was an issue with the projector, and it requires a replacement part, so we actually had to cancel that show time. If you’d like, our managers are offering passes for people whose shows had to be canceled, so you could come to another show time for free.”
Customer: *instantly bursting into a fit* “Are you f****** kidding me? I just drove two hours to get here! I have all my friends’ kids, you p***k! I can’t believe this! This happens every time I come! Every f****** week! You are just doing this to f*** with me!”
(Please note, it’s been well over a year since something like this has happened. Definitely not “every bleeping week.”)
Me: “I’m really sorry. If you’d like, you could go to the manager’s desk to get free passes.”
Customer: “You’re such an incompetent f****** jerk! What? Are you too stupid to do your job?! How f****** hard can it be to fix a projector?”
(The part of the massive, near car-sized, cinema-quality projector that has broken down costs well over $5,000 to replace and requires either a specialist or at very least someone who is overly familiar with the projectors to fix. It’s not just replacing a bulb or something relatively simple like that.)
Me: “Again, I’m sorry. Please go to the manager’s desk, as I unfortunately really can’t do much.”
Customer: “I want your f****** name! I hope you like the streets, boy! Because that’s where you’ll be sleeping! I’ll have your f****** job! Here you are, embarrassing me not only in front of my kids, but everyone’s kids! F****** worthless piece of s***!”
Me: “Please go to the manager’s desk.”
(She did not. She stood there berating me for nearly five minutes and repeatedly bringing up our website on her phone to show that we had a scheduled show time as some form of “proof,” even though I’d repeatedly told her we’d had to cancel the show time. She then went to get a manager and tried for nearly twenty minutes to get me fired, and eventually made her way out with not only the passes, but popcorn and drink vouchers that our managers gave her just to shut her up. Everyone for the rest of the night pointed out the irony of her saying we “embarrassed” her when she allegedly drove a group of schoolchildren two hours, ensuring they wouldn’t be home till at least 2:30 am on a SCHOOL NIGHT, and began to swear and threaten to have an employee fired over something he had absolutely no control over.)
(We’ve just gotten special limited edition promotional tubs which cost $1 more than our standard large popcorn. I’m helping a man and his girlfriend who are buying a large popcorn.)
Customer: “How much more would it be to get one of the tubs?”
Me: “They’re one dollar more than the standard large popcorn.”
Customer: “How much more do you get?”
Me: “They’re basically the same size as our regular large popcorn; they’re just a limited edition promotional item supplied to us by [Film Studio].”
Customer: “Bah, no thanks. Not worth it.”
(He wanders away. A few minutes later, his girlfriend walks back.)
Customer’s Girlfriend: *trying to hand me a dollar* “Gimme one of the tubs.”
Me: “Sure thing, that’ll be [total that’s significantly more than $1].”
(She doesn’t say a word and just walks away. About ten minutes later, she comes back.)
Customer’s Girlfriend: *trying again to hand me a dollar; fuming* “I’m giving you a dollar. Give me one of the tubs. I don’t know how you idiots go from $1 for the tub to that ridiculous price you told me before, but I’m only giving you a dollar. Give me the d*** tub.”
Me: “I’m sorry if there’s been any confusion, ma’am. The tubs were never $1.”
Customer’s Girlfriend: *turning bright red* “My boyfriend said the tubs were $1.”
Me: “Oh, I understand. They’re not $1. They’re $1 more than the large popcorn he bought.”
Customer’s Girlfriend: “So here’s your $1. Give me a tub of popcorn.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but he already bought a large popcorn. I can’t give you a tub for $1.”
Customer’s Girlfriend: “So?”
Me: “So I’d have to charge you the full price if you wanted a tub of popcorn.”
Customer’s Girlfriend: *scoffs, sarcastic sigh* “What stupid logic did you have to follow to get that idea?”
Me: “Because he already purchased a large popcorn?”
Customer’s Girlfriend: “So?!”
Me: “I can’t sell a full-priced tub for only $1.”
Customer’s Girlfriend: “But you said it was only $1!”
Me: “Ma’am, I said it was $1 more than the large popcorn he was buying when he asked me how much more it cost.”
Customer’s Girlfriend: “I don’t care!”
(This goes on for some time. She doesn’t understand that I can’t just give her a promotional item — from a studio that’s know to be very controlling and micro-manages how their products are handled in theaters, no less — that costs nearly $10 for $1, and she seems to think that the fact they bought a large popcorn means they can get a second full-priced popcorn for only $1. She eventually storms off, only for her boyfriend to return a few minutes later.)
Customer: *seeming sad and defeated* “Uh, sorry about that. If I buy a tub, and she says anything, can you just say you gave in and only charged me a dollar? She’s not gonna shut up until she thinks she’s ‘won.’”
Me: “Sure.”
(He paid the full price, but thankfully I was on break when their theater let out. From what I gather, she actually laughed at the concession staff on duty, being sure to make eye contact with each one while she did it. Thank god I haven’t seen them again. Poor guy.)
(I work at a self-serve movie theatre, and as everybody knows, concessions can be pricey since theaters typically only make a few cents per ticket. Because of this, I get a lot of guests that make outraged comments about our prices, though we always offer the opportunity to sign up for a loyalty card to get them 10% off of each order. One day, a particularly bold guest is asking about the prices of concessions items.)
Guest: “How much is the popcorn?”
Me: “It’s [amount] for the regular with taxes, and fifty cents between each size. The drinks are the same.”
Guest: “Wow, that’s not too bad.”
(She walks around for a bit, then starts taking out different bags of popcorn from the warmers and inspecting each one closely and putting them back in. When this happens, we typically have to throw them away to prevent cross-contamination. She then approaches the concessions counter, earning the usual talk from my coworker.)
Guest: “Can I have a fresh one?”
Coworker: “Actually, since we’ve just opened, all of the popcorn in the warmers and the popper were made at the same time, just a few minutes ago. The ones from the warmers are probably better since they’re kept hotter than the popcorn in the popper.”
Guest: “I’m pretty sure that’s from last night. Give me a fresh one.”
(Rather than arguing, she makes her a fresh one, and the guest comes over to my cash.)
Me: “Hi! Do you have a loyalty card with us? It’ll give you 10% off your purchase.”
Guest: “Yes, I do!”
Me: *scans card* “That’ll be [total], please.”
Guest: “What? I thought you said it was [significantly smaller amount]!”
Me: “I’m sorry, I believe I said it was [correct amount]. If you’d like to switch this for a smaller size, I can definitely do that for you.”
Guest: “No, I’ll take this one. Are you sure you can’t make it cheaper?”
Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”
Guest: *suggestively* “I think you can.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t. That’ll be [total].”
(She then glared at me, but proceeded to pay, anyway. During the movie, I noticed that she came out with a half-empty bag and walked right into the manager’s office — not even lower employees are allowed in without permission — while the door was closing behind a manager, to complain that the popcorn was burnt and that she wanted a new one, and also that the cashiers need to be better trained. My manager came out and told me all of this, and said that her popcorn wasn’t even burnt! Some people are so desperate for free stuff.)
(I’ve sold a ticket to a man for a 5:00 pm show time. A few minutes later, I see him out of the corner of my eye entering the theater. It’s not even 1:00 pm yet. There’s an earlier showing of the movie already playing, plus a 2:30 pm showing before the one he bought his ticket for. I call a manager who goes into the theater and comes out with the man. I hear the following exchange.)
Manager: “I understand you bought a ticket to the five o’clock show time. If you’d like to see the rest of the current show time, I’ll have to ask you to exchange your ticket for it or buy a ticket to get in.”
Customer: “But this one is already playing!”
Manager: “I understand, sir.”
Customer: “Why can’t I just go see this one?”
Manager: “Because you didn’t buy a ticket to this show time.”
Customer: “But I bought a ticket to the five o’clock show time! So I should be able to watch the end of this.”
Manager: “That’s not how that works, sir.”
Customer: “Why not?”
Manager: “Sir, you bought a ticket for a specific show time. You need to go to that show time.”
Customer: *acting like he’s the smartest guy in the world* “But I just figured I’d watch the end of this one, and then I could also see the two-thirty show time and the five o’clock show time!”
Manager: *taken aback* “Sir, you essentially just told me you’re paying for one show time, but seeing three movies.”
Customer: *proud* “Yup!”
Manager: “Sir, that’s basically stealing.”
Customer: “How so?”
Manager: “You’re viewing two shows without paying for them!”
Customer: “But how is it stealing? I’m not taking them home.”
Manager: “You’re using a paid service without paying for it.”
Customer: “But it can’t be stealing if I’m not taking the movie home!”
Manager: “Seriously? You’re acquiring and using a service without paying for it. What else would you call it besides stealing of services?”
Customer: *beaming* “Being a smart customer who knows his rights!”
Manager: “Speaking of rights, you know I have the right to kick you out, right?”
Customer: *suddenly bolting towards the exit door* “I’ll be back at five!”
