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A Member To Remember

, , , , | Right | December 8, 2018

(I am the only one working the ticket counter on a very slow weekday evening at a movie theater. I get a phone call from an elderly woman who does not know how to use the Internet, and needs me to look up tomorrow’s show times and read them to her over the phone. I’ve switched my monitor to read her tomorrow’s movies and times when a woman storms into our lobby and comes directly up to me.)

Customer: “Get off the phone!”

Me: *to the guest on the phone* “I… Er, excuse me one moment, ma’am—”

Customer: “I said, off the phone! One ticket for [Movie], next showing.”

Elderly Woman: “Wait. I just need to know one more thing: will your show times be the same on Thursday?”

Me: “Our movie times change daily. I’m sorry, ma’am, I need to put you on hold for—”

Customer: “I am a guild member! Get off the phone and serve the customer in front of you!”

(She reaches over the counter and presses the button on the phone to hang it up.)

Me: *somewhat flustered, as I’ve never had a customer this rude before* “You said [Movie]? The next showing? Where would you like to sit?”

Customer:Ugh, I hate this new assigned seating. I will be complaining to your bosses about this.”

(She jabs the screen selecting a seat, at least.)

Me: *staying polite and as pleasant as possible* “You said you were a guild member; could I see your card for the discount, please?”

Customer: *literally throws the card in my face with a flick of her wrist, so it smacks into my cheek* “Hurry up. The movie will start soon. My ticket will be free, too. Run the card. I don’t pay for movies; I’m a member.”

(I retrieve the card from the counter, and run the card so she can get her discount. The ticket and receipt print out, and I offer them both to her.)

Me: “Your ticket, ma’am.”

Customer: “It’s about time!”

(She snatches both from my hand, and storms off. It’s not until moments later I realize my register is still set for tickets for the next day, because of the phone call I was taking. She will end up having to sit in the theater for an hour before the movie starts, IF she manages to find the correct theatre, which she must do because she doesn’t come back out again during my shift. I do enjoy the little bit of unintentional Karma, though. I also realize moments later that I have forgotten to give her her guild card back. I flag down my manager and tell him what happened.)

Me: “So, that woman who came in earlier threw this at my face, and I was so shocked I forgot to give it back to her.”

Manager: “What? She threw it at you? Actually?”

Me: “Yeah. Bounced off my face and everything.”

Manager: “Well. We’ll just put this in the lost in found for her, then.” *dumps the card into the nearest trash can* “After all, we definitely want to keep her as a customer.” *rolls his eyes angrily*

Rage Against The Machine Is For Little Old Ladies

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2018

(I’m standing in line to buy a gift card from the ticket counter at a movie theater. There is only an older lady in front of me, while the cashier is serving another customer, as all the other patrons are using the ticket machines nearby. The lady, thinking to find a kindred soul, looks at me with a frown.)

Customer: “Ugh, machines. Nowadays everything has to be with machines!”

Me: “Well, they’re really practical for—”

Customer: “No! I don’t like using them!”

Me: “But they’re practical—”

Customer: “No!” *grumbles some more*

Me: “They’re practical for the people who can use them.”

(It’s her turn to the counter then, and I hear her grumble to the cashier. It takes some time, but eventually it’s my turn. While I wait for him to process the transaction, I comment on the old lady.)

Me: “It’s such a great thing that there are still people we can talk to!”

Cashier: “Yeah, I’ve been working in retail for a long time. I don’t question things anymore.”

Me: “I don’t think she realizes that she’d have to wait much longer if there weren’t machines.”

Telling Employees What They Want Is Rewarding

, , | Right | December 3, 2018

(I’m the customer in this. It’s late in the evening and I’m at the movie theater with my sister. I approach the counter to get some snacks before the movie starts.)

Me: “Hi! I’d like two [menu items], one with [Soda #1], one with [Soda #2], and both with salted popcorn, please.”

Employee: “Oh, my god! [Coworker], she’s the first to actually straight up tell me what she wants!”

Me: “Uhm…”

(The employee grabs one of the chocolate bars from the display (not just any kind, but the expensive brand chocolate, too!) and slams it on the counter.)

Employee: “Here, you get chocolate for that.”

Me: *baffled* “Thank you…”

(I honestly just ordered as I always did but her reaction made me think about what kind of things she must have been dealing with all day.)

Their Understanding Is Limper Than The Grab Machine’s Grip

, , , , , | Right | December 1, 2018

(I am working at the box office of a local movie theater for the summer. We have several games — animal cranes, car racing, stacker, etc. — set up in the lobby.)

Customer: “Hi. The crane game ate my quarters; can I have my money back?”

(Thinking it is just a normal malfunction, I say, “Sure, here you go,” and write up a slip. I sit there reading a book until the lady comes back, this time with a child in tow.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I tried it again and it did the same thing. The machine is broken.”

Me: “Okay, here’s another refund; maybe try one of our other machines.”

(The customer comes back not even five minutes later, very frustrated and at this point basically dragging the poor kid behind her.)

Customer: “That machine is broken, too!”

Me: *suddenly getting suspicious, asks a question before giving her the third refund* “What exactly is the machine doing that you’d consider it broken?”

Customer: “Every time my kid pushes the button, the crane goes down, but the prongs aren’t strong enough to grip anything!”

Me: *completely dumbfounded at this point* “The machines aren’t broken; they’re designed that way so that it becomes quite hard or impossible to win. Every single one is like that.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me that game is rigged?!

Me: “Um… yeah?”

(She just looked at me for a second, then stormed off muttering about how she’d never play one of “those stupid games” ever again and how we should be fined for knowingly putting a rigged game in our lobby.)

Puns Are Literally S***

, , , | Right | November 20, 2018

(One of our regular customers is a magician, and tends to have various novelty items.)

Me: *to a coworker* “Hey, check out what [Customer] just gave me.”

(I hand him what appears to be a one-inch, handmade wooden stool inside a plastic medicine vial.)

Coworker: “What the h*** is that?”

Me: “A ‘stool sample.'”

Coworker: *groans*


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