(I am currently working the box office shift at a very small, locally-owned movie theater. We are currently in the middle of a showtime, which means we will have virtually no traffic in the lobby for roughly two more hours until the movies end. During these two hours, my manager and I notice the same man exiting his movie several times and entering the bathroom, but think nothing of it. Eventually, another employee goes in to check all the auditoriums and notifies us that the man has fallen asleep. After the movie lets out, we send them back in to make sure he has woken up and left. A few minutes later, they return with a clearly concerned expression on their face.)

Coworker: “The old man left, but he didn’t take his diaper with him.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, what?”

Coworker: “He left his used, dirty diaper on the floor of the auditorium, along with some dirty napkins it looks like he used to clean himself.”

(The coworker ended up having to clean it, and I am still in shock. How can you go to the bathroom so many times and not only take the used diaper back with you instead of throwing it away in a provided trash can, but also leave it on the floor for some poor, underpaid employee to clean up?)

(I work security and my main job is to check bags or folded blankets for prohibited items such as outside food/drink, knives, etc. We can make exceptions for medical reasons. One can also buy food, candy, and drinks inside.)

Me: *after explaining to a group consisting of a young girl and elderly couple that they can’t bring in outside food/drink*

Elderly Man: “This is gluten-free popcorn! It’s the only thing we can eat here!”

Me: “Okay, I can allow that. And the M&Ms?”

Young Girl: *scoffs, rolls eyes, and tosses candy in the trash*

Elderly Man: “Those were gluten-free M&Ms!”

(I give an apologetic smile but otherwise ignore him and move on because we’re swamped with people coming through the line.)

Me: *to the next lady* “Hello! Could I check your blankets, please?

Elderly Man: *appearing next to me* “THOSE ARE GLUTEN-FREE BLANKETS!”

Related:
A Gluten For Punishment, Part 2
A Gluten For Punishment

(Overheard, walking out after a long movie:)

Wife: “As soon as we leave, I need to visit the bank to deposit my check.”

Husband: “But before we do that, I need to visit the bathroom to deposit my urine.”

(We’ve just learned that the theater will be opening over an hour early on Christmas Day, and that due to higher-than-usual ticket sales, due to a certain well-publicized space opera movie, almost the entire staff has had to be scheduled to work despite management promising to try and give people the day off who requested it early. I’ve just found out that, despite being promised that I would get the day off after having worked the past four Christmases, I’ll have to be there at 7:00 in the morning and stay until at least 4:00 in the afternoon. It’s the Friday before Christmas when a guest comes to buy tickets for Christmas day.)

Guest: “I need six tickets to [Space Opera Movie] for Christmas Day before noon. And I only want a showtime where we can all sit together.”

Me: “Unfortunately, all six showtimes before noon are either sold out or nearly sold out, and none have six seats together. Actually…” *checks all the showtimes on my computer* “…the only showtimes with six seats together are after nine pm that day.”

Guest: *blowing up* “It’s Christmas! Add more showtimes!”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, that’s our schedule with added showtimes. They decided to open over an hour early that day to fit in more screenings.”

Guest: “Don’t ruin my Christmas!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but there’s not much I can do. It’s possible they might switch other movies around to make more showtimes, but we probably won’t know for sure until that day.”

Guest: “I just can’t believe this. They know people are going to want to see that movie. They should open even earlier! You know you’re ruining people’s Christmas, right? RIGHT?! JERK!”

(He stormed out complaining and saying he was going to call our corporate office to demand we open even earlier. And he wasn’t the only one that day to complain about Christmas, or to try to tell us we needed to open even earlier just for them. I always love that people like to throw hissy fits about Christmas at the theater and say we’re “ruining” Christmas for them… yet we’re sacrificing our own Christmases for them by showing up and working while they get to spend the day with their families. Please be kind to people who have to work during the holidays, people!)

(We offer small cups of jalapeno slices, and one or two other similar toppings, as an optional free side. Some people like eating them with popcorn or chips. As they are totally free and aren’t something most people ask for, we typically give away maybe two or three tiny cups a day at most and a single large container can supply enough for well over 100 cups. They’re only available on a first-come, first-serve basis for those who ask for them and we don’t tend to buy more until we run out. We’ve just run out, towards the end of a long, slow night. A really nasty-looking customer, maybe in his 50s, comes up to the stand.)

Customer: “Do you have any of those free jalapeño slices?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we just ran out. We’ll probably be getting more in within the next day or two.”

Customer: *blunt* “Well, this is gonna be painful, I can see. Then give me some free nachos.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not authorized to give out free nachos as a replacement for the jalapeños.”

Customer: “Well, you’re out of jalapeños. So, give me the d*** nachos for free. Now.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not allowed to give out a paid food item as a replacement for an optional free item. I could give you one of our other free side options if you’d like.”

Customer: “Don’t make me repeat myself. Nachos. For free. Now. Or else.”

Me: “I really don’t have the authority to give out free items. If you’d like, you can speak to my manager. He might better be able to assist you, as he has more authority than I do when it comes to these sorts of things.”

Customer: *in maybe the darkest tone I’ve ever heard someone speak* “You’ve made your choice. I hope you like sleeping on the streets because I’m about to put you there.”

(He stormed off and I saw him going ballistic at the manager’s desk for several minutes. He ended up getting a free large popcorn, a drink, and free nachos, and our manager even spent fifteen minutes digging through the storeroom to try and find him jalapeños. He tried repeatedly to get me fired. My manager at the time, who was notorious for following “the customer is always right” to a T and screwing over employees to make bully customers happy, obviously didn’t, but it did cause me a lot of trouble and this situation was cited as part of a reason I was denied a raise when I was supposed to be getting one. The real kick to the gut? The customer fell asleep before his movie ended and when I saw him walking out, he not only threw out most of his popcorn, but he hadn’t even touched the nachos. Thankfully, that manager is gone, and our new one has pretty much zero tolerance for people like that customer. He’s also actively fighting to get adequate and fair pay for me and my coworkers who have been at the theater for a long time. So, I’m glad I toughed it out and didn’t let people like that get me down too much.)