Fire That Glitch!

, , , , , | Working | January 5, 2018

(I have just gotten a job at a sword shop in the local renaissance fair. This fair is open most of the summer, but the owner of the shop also sells at two other fairs. It’s the end of the day, and I’m just learning how to close out my register.)

Owner: “Next, you compare the total cash in the drawer to what the computer says it should be.”

Me: “They’re the same.”

Owner: “They’re supposed to be the same, but there’s a glitch in the software somewhere that I haven’t been able to fix. How far off is yours?”

Me: “No, they’re the same.” *I point to the numbers and show him that my totals match, right down to the penny*

Owner: “That’s weird. At my other locations they’re usually off by a couple hundred dollars. I wonder if the software company finally got it fixed? I guess we’ll know tomorrow.”

(My totals were never off by more than five cents. Mine was the ONLY register that was always spot-on. After a few rounds of this, he figured out why, and fired the cashiers at his other shops for stealing.)

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Mini Big Lies

, , | Working | January 5, 2018

(I’ve been looking online for a car, and find a MINI Cooper that I LOVE the looks of. I submit a request to have the car moved to my local dealership, I get a phone call shortly after, and eventually meet in person. Here’s a collection of questions I asked and the answers I received.)

Saleswoman: “I see you’re interested in the 2008 MINI Cooper S?”

Me: “Yes! Thanks for calling; I actually have quite a few questions that weren’t addressed on your site.”

Saleswoman: “Okay, shoot.”

Me: “What kind of gas does it take? It looks really sporty, so I’m concerned it needs premium.”

Saleswoman: “Nope, it takes regular.”

(I learn later that was a lie.)

Me: “Okay, great! And what is the mileage like? Google says it’s in the low 20s, which seems low for such a little car.”

Saleswoman: “It actually gets closer to 35.”

(I learn later that was a lie.)

Me: “Great! And what’s in the ‘cold weather package’?”

Saleswoman: “That’s heated seats, heated steering wheel, and a more powerful defroster.”

(I learn later that was a lie.)

Me: “I see that the engine says it requires MINI Synthetic Oil. I normally go to [Popular Store] for oil changes; will they be able to do that?”

Saleswoman: “Oh, sure, no problem.”

(I learn later that was a lie.)

Me: *seeing the phone button on the steering wheel* “How do you use the Bluetooth?”

Saleswoman: “You just hit the button and turn Bluetooth on on your phone, and it’ll sync up. It’s real easy.”

(I learn later that was a lie; the car had the button but didn’t even have Bluetooth installed. Moral of the story: ignore the salespeople.)

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Trying Their Best To Park

, , | Right | January 2, 2018

(I work as a security officer for a local theme park. Occasionally, the parent company will rent out the park after hours to host private events, usually corporate parties for big companies. When this story takes place, I and the other officers are sweeping out the day guests, and we’ve been instructed to be a little more insistent since catering has to set up for a private event an hour after park close. The tables and lights are already set up as we’re waiting on the last guests to exit a ride, when two teenagers approach me. Keep in mind, all of the event guests will be arriving by bus after park close.)

Guest #1: “Where do we go for the special event?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’re part of the event?”

Guest #2: “Yeah! Well, uh, his dad is. And he’s getting us in.”

([Guest #1] then puts on his sunglasses (it’s dark) and crosses his arms like some corporate executive.)

Me: *starting to laugh, thinking it’s a joke* “Are you sure?”

([Guest #2] looks from his friend to me, starting to laugh nervously.)

Guest #2: “Yeah, uh, what’s wrong?”

Me: “Uh, maybe you’re here for [Other Event in Other Park]?”

Guest #1: “Oh, is it in [Other Park]?”

Me: “Well, we have a couple of events going on tonight in different locations. What company is your dad with?”

Guest #1: “Uh…” *looks at friend* “…Microsoft?”

Me: *smiling knowingly* “There’s no event for Microsoft.”

Guest #2: “Oh, well, we’ll just find out where to go somewhere else!”

(They both stormed off, [Guest #1] still wearing his sunglasses. By that point the final guests were getting off the ride and my coworkers all had a good laugh about it. I gotta give props to the two of them for sticking with their ruse to the end, though.)

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No Refunds, No Ifs, No Peanuts

, , , , , | Right | January 1, 2018

(A man calls my coffee shop on a Monday morning.)

Caller: “Yeah, my wife had some problems with an iced coffee.”

Me: “Okay, what happened?”

Caller: “She got one of those peanut butter [blended drinks] and she said it was really watery.”

Me: “Okay, her drink was too watery. What would you like me to do about this?”

Caller: “I want you to replace the drink.”

Me: “Well, I haven’t made any of those today, so I’ll have to pass you–“

Caller: “It was last night. She got it last night.”

Me: “Sir, this store isn’t open on weekends.”

Caller: *click*

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Fifty Reasons To Fire You

, , , , , | Working | January 1, 2018

(I have just started my shift. I do a quick safe check, because I notice that the compulsory daily check hasn’t been done, and I find it’s down $50. I check with my manager and fellow supervisor, who are both about to go home.)

Me: “Has anyone done a safe check or taken change today?”

(Both answer no.)

Me: “The safe is down $50.”

Manager: “Oh, yeah, I know; I took it to buy everyone dinner the other day. I haven’t been to the bank yet.”

(I offered to pay on the day we had dinner but the manager assured us that he had the money. The other supervisor and I look at each other with our eyes wide and both go for our wallets. I find $30 and she finds $20. )

Manager: “What are you two doing? I’ll pay it back by the weekend.”

Me: “You remember we’re due to be audited today or tomorrow?”

(Both of those are my managerial shifts, which would make me directly responsible for any shortfalls.)

Manager: “I just borrowed it; what would they do?”

Me: “What, apart from the instant firing, all of us ending up with police records?”

Manager: “I just borrowed it; it’s not wrong if I intend to pay it back. You’re just overreacting.”

Me: “They won’t see it as borrowing, and you’ve just made us accomplices after the fact.”

(He had also been falsifying records for the past two days. I suspect he would have happily let me take the blame or pay the $50 out of my own pocket when I noticed later that day; he doesn’t particularly like me because I keep pulling him up for doing things like this.)

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