(I usually drop my younger brother off at his bus stop when I have the chance. On this particular morning, the school bus hasn’t shown up. However, a strange bus sped by a few minutes ago. My brother starts to get worried, thinking it might have been a substitute driver who didn’t recognize the stop, despite the students waiting with backpacks on the sidewalk. When it’s clear that his school bus really isn’t coming, I call the bus service.)

Me: “Hi, my brother’s bus hasn’t arrived yet, and there are several kids waiting. It’s bus [regular number].”

Employee: “Let me check on that.”

(Hold ensues.)

Employee: “You have a substitute bus today: [different number]. The driver said he already made that stop and there was no one there.”

Me: “Wait, did you say [different number]? It drove through without stopping!”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but it’s already on its way to the school. There’s nothing I can do.”

Me: *sighing* “It’s okay; I’ll just drive my brother to school. There are still other kids here, though. I don’t know what they’ll do.”

Employee: “Uh… The bus will be there in five minutes.”

My laptop, which is vital to my schoolwork, has been experiencing charging issues. It will charge to a certain percentage, then stop. This percentage has been decreasing slowly over time, and as the laptop’s maximum charge begins nearing the single digits, I start to fear the worst. I schedule an appointment to have a technician come to my campus and replace the battery. In the call, I am also pushed into replacing the motherboard. I am concerned, but cannot risk losing my laptop, so I agree.

A week later, the technician arrives. He is an older man with glasses and a generally pleasant disposition. I bring him to our school’s library, and boot the machine to demonstrate the issues I am having. He seems to follow along just fine, so I power the machine down and pass it over.

I first begin to grow concerned when, as he removes the case and components, he removes his glasses and lumps the screws haphazardly together in the same pile, making no effort to remember where each one came from. I ask him about it, and he is quick to brush me off. After finally examining the pile — without glasses — he tells me that it does not matter where they go; they are all the same. I am confused, as many of them are clearly different lengths, but I say nothing, figuring he is more of an expert than I am.

More time passes as the technician speaks to me while he works. His progress is very slow, and it takes several hours before the new components are in and the moment of truth has arrived. He presses the power button, and… nothing. The screen is dark. I am panicked, but he assures me that the new board must be bad, and he puts the old board back in. Again, he pays no mind to the screws, and at the end of it several are left over, and he cannot determine where they should go. I am a little upset by this, but at this point I no longer care so long as the machine boots again.

Still nothing. At this point, it is so late that the library is closing, and we must leave to find a new place to work. We are now outdoors, in front of a local cafe. The man, frustrated by the lack of progress, calls another tech support official to help. The next two hours are a maddening string of being put on hold and unhelpful advice intermixed with failed attempts to revive my machine. At the end of it all, the technician gives up and hands my laptop back to me — still broken — telling me that I will have to send it in to be repaired. Frantically, I tell him that I can’t; my classes demand I have access to my computer, and there is no way I can go that long without it without suffering academically. He tells me that waiting for new parts will probably take longer, anyway, and would be much more likely to fail again.

This technician’s “repair” ends with a previously perfectly operational laptop becoming totally unbootable. It no longer responds to any attempts I make to restart it. I now have to send it in and hope that it shows up in one piece. I have long given up hope that any of my data will be recoverable. And I still have a single mystery screw hiding in my pocket.

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 22
Laptop Flop, Part 21
Laptop Flop, Part 20

(The loan officer at the branch I’m at has a bad habit of going on 30-minute “smoke breaks” and not telling anyone. It’s Christmas Eve, and I’m working with him and another teller. It’s a half-day. Due to seniority, I’m in charge, even though he is older than me. This starts before the branch opens.)

Me: “Okay, [Loan Officer], there’s only three of us today, so can you please tell me when you’re going outside to smoke? That way, I can cover your side of the lobby.”

Loan Officer: “Sure! No problem.”

(We open the branch at nine am. Not even thirty minutes later, I see him disappear out the back door. Twenty minutes later…)

Customer #1: “Hi, I’m here to see [Loan Officer], please.”

Me: “He’s not available right now. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer #1: “No, I’ll wait for him.”

(He walks back inside five minutes later, saving me the need to go get him. However, this happens again. And again. And again. By 11:30, I’m pissed. He’s been outside four times, and I can’t even get away to use the bathroom.)

Customer #2: “Hey, is [Loan Officer] available?”

Me: “Oh, I thought he was at his desk.”

Customer #2: “Nope!”

Teller: “Guess again! He’s outside.”

Me: *in my calmest voice* “If you’d like to have a seat in the lobby, sir, I’ll get [Loan Officer] for you.”

(I have had it. I exit the teller line, walk down the back hallway, and stick my head out the door. He’s playing on his phone, with his ear-buds in.)

Me: “[Loan Officer]!”

Loan Officer: *jumps* “I was taking a smoke break!”

Me: “We only have a half-hour left to work today, so get your behind inside right now and stay there! Got it?!“

Loan Officer: *defeated* “Fine.”

(We’ve just gotten a new district manager, and he is traveling to the different branches in the area to learn the “flow” of how we operate. He’s started at my branch, and is standing with me at my window. I’m talking to a customer about our accounts.)

Me: “…so, we’d love to have you as a customer! Are you interested in talking to [Banker] about opening an account?”

Customer: “Sure! You guys are always nice when I come in to cash my checks, and I’ve got some time.”

Me: “Great! Please have a seat in the waiting area, and I’ll grab [Banker] for you.”

(As she goes to sit down, I see [Banker] weaving his way through the line of customers in the lobby. He does this at least once a day — when it gets busy, he goes somewhere unknown and hides from customers.)

Me: *waves at him* “Hey, [Banker]. Can you come over here for a minute?”

(He waves me off and continues walking. All of a sudden, I hear a big, booming voice from the back of my window.)

District Manager: *at full volume* “[Banker]! GET OVER HERE!”

(He stops, pivots, and comes running over to my window.)

Banker: “[District Manager]! What can I do for you?”

District Manager: “[My Name] has been talking to the customer in the waiting area about opening an account. Take care of that.”

Banker: “Absolutely! Thank you, [My Name], for sending me more accounts!” *heads over to the waiting area*

District Manager: “I’d say we make a good team! Well done, [My Name].” *high-fives me*

(I’m struggling with finances a bit. I have the MOST basic Internet service from the local cable company. They’re losing customers at a fairly fast rate, so it’s pretty well known that if you call and ask for a discount, even temporarily, they’ll give it to you in order to keep you as a customer. So, I call them up.)

Customer Service Representative #1: “[Cable Company], how can I help you?”

Me: “I’d like to see if I can lower my rate at all.”

Customer Service Representative #1: “Let me take a look… NOPE! That’s the best we can do for you.”

Me: “Really? You can’t even lower it a little for a short period of time?”

Customer Service Representative #1: “NOPE… That’s the best rate we have.”

(I’ve done this before, so I know they have a “customer retention” department specifically set up to keep customers who may be thinking of cancelling.)

Me: “Okay. Can you transfer me to the customer retention department?”

Customer Service Representative #1: “Sir, all of our employees are interested in retaining customers.”

Me: “Right. I get that. But I also know you have a specific department that is willing to work with customers in order to keep them as customers. Can you please transfer me?”

(This goes back and forth for twenty minutes or so. Finally…)

Customer Service Representative #1: “Fine! Please hold.”

Customer Service Representative #2: “Hello. I understand you wish to disconnect your service.”

Me: “No! I was calling to ask if I might be able to save a little money on the bill.”

Customer Service Representative #2: “Oh! Sure! I can lower your bill by $20 a month for one year. How’s that sound?”

Me: “Perfect. Thank you.”