I am sixteen working my first job. A lady in her forties comes through my checkout with a young boy.

Customer: “Can I get everything in bags?”

She has about ten items on the belt, enough that it will fit in one bag. Not hearing she wanted them separate, I pack everything into one bag. It isn’t until she is paying that she notices and begins her outburst.

Customer: “Is everything in the one bag?!”

Me: “Yes, although if you would like me to pack it into two bags, I can easily do so.”

Customer: *Grunts angrily* “I asked for two bags!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. Let me fix that.”

Customer: “No. Don’t worry about it.”

She pays while lecturing me.

Customer: “I’m old. You should think more of your older customers.”

She continues accusing me of wanting her to suffer and saying that I am basically horrible at my job. 

Meanwhile, the kid with her listens to her rant and just looks at me; he looks horrified. I get that some people might have an injury or medical condition and not be able to carry much weight, but she is being truly horrible.

Somehow, I talk back. I am normally very anxious and shy.

Me: “I am sorry, madam, but I was running on autopilot.”

An old couple walks up to my checkout. They pick up a thirty-pack of soft drinks, which is easily double the weight of the lady’s bag, and put it onto the belt.

The lady goes quiet after seeing that and leaves, dragging the kid behind her.

Old Man: “Are you okay, love?”

It takes me a second after the lady leaves to realize I am shaking but I continue serving them.

Me: “Yes, I’m fine. Just so you are aware, your soft drinks can stay in the trolley.”

Old Woman: “We know; we just wanted to make that lady quiet. I feel bad for that poor child.”

My supervisor later told me that the lady complained and said I ignored her and was rude, etc., but the other couple had also returned at some point when I was on break and revealed what had happened.

Related:
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 7
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 6
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 5
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 4
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 3

Usually, when a customer tells me, “I have the change,” I’ll joke with them by saying, “Just don’t make me count out [number] pennies and we’re golden!” Typically, they laugh and say something along the lines of, “Oh, I would never!” or, “How terrible would it be if someone did that?!”

Me: “Your total today is going to be $11.32.”

The customer hands me a $20 bill.

Me: “Out of $20?”

Customer: “Wait, I think I have the change!”

Me: “Perfect! Just don’t make me count out thirty-two pennies and life’s good!”

Customer: “Excuse me? If I want to give you thirty-two pennies, I will, and rightfully so! It’s legal tender!”

Me: “I apologize ma’am. I didn’t mean—”

Customer: “Ask me that again and I’m giving you the entire amount in pennies! You can’t f****** tell people that they can’t pay with f****** legal tender! This is America!”

Me: “Again, I apologize.”

Customer: “Give me my $20 back.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Give. Me. My. Twenty. Dollar. Bill. Back.”

I hand her back the $20.

Customer: “Since you apparently aren’t comfortable counting, I’m just going to use my card. And maybe you should use your brain, little girl.”

I finished the transaction talking to her as little as I possibly could. Thankfully, that was my only “problem customer” of the day!

My company is big on what I call “forced fun.” They will book events on company time so you have to go, or they’ll schedule them on weekends and badger you to attend or dub you “not a team player.”

I can’t stand it, but what I really can’t stand is the people pretending they are having the time of their lives to look good to others.

The worst offender, [Coworker] is the first to volunteer, the first to come up with ideas, and the first to complain when people aren’t doing enough on these ideas of hers. She is like the fun police.

Another one of these events comes up: a guided walk followed by drinks. Thanks to [Coworker], no one is allowed to just go for the drinks after. It’s a double no from me; besides, I want to be home for the kids. I tell [Coworker] it’s a personal matter but she is having none of it. She pushes and pushes and then goes straight to the manager.

Manager: “I understand that you won’t be joining the company outing. Why is that?”

Me: “I have other arrangements, sorry.”

Manager: “I know you have a way to travel, but team bonding is important, and you are part of the team, aren’t you?”

[Coworker] is hanging back, pretending not to listen in.

Me: “Actually, it’s a funeral. I did tell [Coworker] that I had a personal matter, but she wouldn’t listen.”

Manager: “I am so sorry. Yes, of course. I will have a word with [Coworker]; we don’t treat team members this way. I’m sorry for your loss.”

He left, taking [Coworker] with him. The funeral went well. I didn’t tell anyone it was for our pet goldfish, though. [Coworker] didn’t bother me as much but was still a tyrant to others.

This story is part of our Best Of May 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of May 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of May 2021 roundup!

Sadly, my dad has recently given up the ghost due to the current health crisis. Since my family lives in a region that doesn’t allow people from other areas of Italy to enter without a work or health-related reason, his side of family cannot come and participate in the traditional mourning ritual, but we still try to fulfill his funerary wishes to be buried by Catholic rite. To that end, my mom calls up the priest of the parish where my dad used to go in life.

Priest: “Hello and good day, parochial office of [Parish]. How may we help you?”

Mom: “Father [Priest]… my poor husband, Mr. [Dad], has died. I was wondering if you were available to give him the funeral blessings, despite this horrid situation.”

Priest: “My condolences, Mrs. [Mom]. May God rest his soul, given what he’s gone through. I’m available, but I think that, given how things are going, something outside of the church might be better.”

Mom: “That’s understandable, but how would it work?”

Priest: “I don’t think your husband would’ve wanted to have a lot of pomp during his last journey to God. I’m of the idea that I shall come to your house, read a passage, and then have his sons and his daughter read a poem related to him before the hearse comes to bring him to the cemetery.”

My mom is rather taken aback; my dad was a bit crude in his manners, but he did explicitly request a solemn funeral, incense, and specific passages read.

Mom: “Seriously?”

Priest: “Yes, I’m sure that’s what he would’ve wanted anyway.”

Mom: *Upset* “No, that’s not what he would’ve wanted at all!”

Priest: “Eh, I mean, a full ceremony definitely doesn’t suit his personality. I think that reading poetry from his children would be more fitting than just reading a few impersonal passages. Besides, right now, it’s not possible to do a full funeral, so his requests are sadly moot. You can always have that proper funeral at a later date.”

Mom: *Very upset* “I know how things are! We would be just me, my family, and you! If it’s really not possible to use the church, our garden will be fine. I just want to satisfy his request to read his favourite passages and have some incense spread.”

Priest: “I still think the poetry is the best option. Reading the Holy Bible in a garden really isn’t very appropriate, anyway. Just hold off until things are better to read those passages.”

Mom: *Holding back tears* “We have nothing more to discuss, goodbye!”

And with that, my mom hung up and started crying quite a bit. Later that day, my brother and I did manage to find a priest that was willing to conduct a proper-as-possible funeral. Seriously, what kind of priest refuses to read the Bible for a ceremony?

One of the office guys is pretty full of himself. His parents are friends of the top director so he landed himself a do-nothing job. He often gets odd tasks from the director — deliver this, fetch this, take photos of this, etc. — and genuinely believes he is in some sort of special, critical role, “essential for the business.”

The director, however, is not the only one to call the shots. His wasteful ways and favours catch up to him and the owner eventually steps in and sacks him. This leaves Mr. Full-Of-Himself office guy in a difficult position. The owner appoints a new director who is not shy about calling him out.

Director: “So, what do you do?”

Office Guy: “I work on [Project #1], [Project #2], and [Project #3].”

Director: “Yes, but doing what?”

Office Guy: “I designed the website and I managed the customer relations; without me, [Project #1] wouldn’t have gone through.”

Director: “But we employ a company to do our websites and have customer managers to deal with the projects. No, from next week, help the admin team.”

Office Guy: “I’m not doing — ugh — ‘admin.’”

Director: “I don’t see you adding any other value right now.”

[Office Guy] did start work with the admin team, but from what I heard, he refused to do most of the work and spent most of the day drinking coffee. The director had many chats with him, until, one day, [Office Guy] handed in his notice — we think he was pushed — and landed another do-nothing job, this time working with his parents. Online, he is listed as a “director,” which made me laugh as he told us he was answering phones and calling customers.