Getting A Strop About Strep

| PA, USA | Working | March 19, 2014

(I get strep throat twice per year. Despite this, I have never been approved to get my tonsils removed. Every year, it gets so bad that I reach a fever of more than 105°F and my throat nearly swells shut. I’ve been told more than once that if I had waited longer than I did to see a doctor I may have died. This normally happens within 24 hours and I ALWAYS know when it’s coming. One night, when I’m stricken with strep throat, I go to the hospital and insist they give me antibiotics.)

Nurse: “So, you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

Me: “It’s strep. I get it every six months, pretty severely.”

Nurse: “How long have you been feeling your symptoms?”

Me: “Since yesterday.”

Nurse: “Only since yesterday and you came to the ER?”

Me: “Yes. My doctor’s office is closed and I risk dying if I don’t get antibiotics right away.”

Nurse: *in disbelief* “Oookayy. Well, I’m going to do a flu test, so—”

Me: “No, do a strep test. I know its strep. I’m not going to pay for a flu test that’s going to be negative anyway.”

Nurse: “I’ll do the flu test and if it comes back negative I’ll do a strep test.”

Me: “That’s a waste of time. Just do a strep test.”

(She does a flu test on me, and to the surprise of no one, it comes back negative.)

Nurse: “Well, I think you’ll be fine. You’re free to go home.”

Me: “WHAT?! No! May I please speak to another doctor?”

(An actual doctor comes in a few minutes later.)

Doctor: “Hi, honey. How are you doing?” *looks in my throat* “Oh goodness. Sweetie, I don’t mean to offend you but you look terrible. You definitely have strep. I’m not even going to do a test. Do you prefer amoxicillin or penicillin?”

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Laughter Is The Best Medicine

| Dallas, TX, USA | Working | March 18, 2014

(My mother has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I’m in grad school and I decide to skip a few classes to be with her for the week. Fortunately, she makes a full recovery. One of the highlights of the week is a phone conversation with a nurse at the hospital, who needs to get my mother’s medical history.)

Nurse: “Have you ever had heart disease?”

Mother: “No.”

Nurse: “Lung disease?”

Mother: “No.”

Nurse: “Arthritis?”

Mother: “No.”

Nurse: “Psychiatric disorders?”

Mother: “No.”

Nurse: “Cancer?”

Mother: “… Well, not until last Tuesday!”

(The nurse was horrified and kept apologizing, but on our end, no one could stop laughing.)

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XXX-Ray

| Australia | Working | March 11, 2014

(I’m in a hospital waiting to get my X-ray done. Eventually it’s my turn and the X-ray tech is getting me changed in a little cubicle with some folded hospital gowns on the bench.)

Tech: “So I’ll need you to take everything off, including the bra, but you can leave your underwear and socks. Once you’re done just come into the room.”

(The tech starts to leave but quickly turns back.)

Tech: “Oh wait. I mean, put on a gown so it’s open at the back, and then come in!”

(We both laugh and she closes the door. After I get changed I walk in and she gets me seated on the X-ray bed.)

Tech: “Sorry. I know you probably knew what I meant, but you always need to be specific when you get people changed. You’d be surprised how many people come out completely naked!”

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Enough Labor Of Love

| Milford, DE, USA | Related | March 5, 2014

(My dad is telling a story about when my older brother was born, then when I was born. Both discussions happen within minutes of my mother being handed her newborn baby. My dad is fussing over his firstborn child and it’s obvious that new-dad excitement is taking hold.)

Dad: “Hey, you wanna do this again?”

Mom: “Not right now. We are not raising two kids that close in age.”

(A day shy of two years later, I was born and my dad’s grinning and cooing over me while my mom holds me. For the second time; my mother has gone through back labor, which involves multiple pinched nerves in the back during the labor and delivery.)

Dad: “Hey, you wanna do this again?”

Mom: “Are you out of your godd*** mind? I am NOT going through back labor again. I’m getting my f****** tubes tied!”

His Excuse Is A Total Cop Out

| SC, USA | Right | March 4, 2014

(I work for security in a very rural hospital and am dealing with a very unruly patient who isn’t allowed to leave due to medication he has taken.)

Me: “Sir, I just want to make you aware that because of the medications you have taken, for your safety, I need you to go back inside and call a ride to pick you up.”

Patient: “F*** you! I’m an adult! I’ll do what i want!”

Me: “Sir, I understand that you don’t feel well, and I’m trying to be nice to you. So, will you please return to the ER?”

Patient: “F*** YOU!”

(I notify my partner of the incident and the police are called to deal with the individual. As we await the police, the patient comes back to the ER lobby and confronts the very outspoken desk clerk who has no idea what is going on.)

Patient: “WHO SENT THAT RENT-A-COP OUTSIDE TO WATCH ME LIKE A CHILD?!”

Desk Clerk: “Can I help you?”

Patient: “I want to speak to the rent-a-cop who followed me to my vehicle to watch me like I’m some three-year-old! I’ll have him know that I’m very good friends with the owner of his company and I’ve been a security guard for over 10 years!”

Desk Clerk: “Well, sir, wouldn’t that make you a rent-a-cop, too?”

Patient: “That’s not the same!”

(As the patient is leaving, he has one more question.)

Patient: “Hey, man. I would like to apologize for the behavior. It was the meds talking. But I do have a question.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Patient: “Are y’all hiring?”

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