(It’s about three days before Christmas, and an elderly couple is trying to find gifts for their granddaughters. At this point, we’ve run out of some of the product on the sales floor, so I’m filling in girls’ clothes. I’m stocking the shelves, in my store uniform, with two PDA devices with the store logo clipped to my belt!)

Husband: “Why don’t we ask this young lady here for help?”

Wife: “Leave her alone, [Husband]! I don’t think she works here.”

Husband: “But she’s wearing red like the rest of them!”

Wife: “It’s Christmas time! Loads of people are wearing red!”

Me: “Hi, there! I do, in fact, work here! Can I help—”

(I don’t think they hear me.)

Husband: “But she has one of those electric gadgets.”

Wife: “[Husband], don’t you know all the kids carry those fancy phones around?”

Me: “Hello! Can I help you find anything?”

Husband: “See, I told you she works here! We’re looking for matching pajamas for two little girls.”

Me: “Sure, I can show you what we’ve got. What sizes do you need?”

Wife: “Oh, god, [Husband]! I forgot to ask the girls’ sizes!”

Me: “Can you tell me how old they are? With kids’ pajamas, it’s usually pretty easy to estimate the proper size.”

(We found lovely princess pajamas!)

(It is the first day of Hanukkah, which fell a little before Christmas. I am planning a Hannukah get-together that afternoon and I go a little overboard and decorate the house. From my front door, a giant, glittery menorah and a giant sign that reads “dreidel, dreidel, dreidel” are clearly visible and Hannukah music is playing. I’m also wearing a goofy headband with bouncing blue dreidel antennae. The doorbell rings. Expecting a guest, I answer; it is a package delivery service.)

Me: *signing for the package* “Thank you so much. Happy Holidays!”

Delivery Worker: “You’re welcome. Have a very Merry Christmas.”

Me: “I appreciate the sentiment, but I actually don’t celebrate.”

Delivery Worker: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?!”

Me: *dreidel headband bounces silently*

(The store is really busy around Christmas time, and there is a large line on both of the store’s tills.)

Customer: *poking head through door* “Do you guys sell [very specialised item]?”

Manager: *whilst serving customers* “Sorry, sir, we don’t sell those, unfortunately.”

Customer: *shouting* “It seems like shopkeepers these days are very quick to tell you to f*** off.” *storms out*

(I am out shopping with my mom. At the front of the store is the seasonal display. Because Christmas is over, they have pulled all the Christmas stuff off the seasonal display.)

Mom: “NOOOOO!”

Me: “What?”

Mom: “That!”

(I look over and see that the seasonal display is now full of Valentine’s Day stuff.)

Mom: “It’s not right! It’s the day after Christmas!”

(It’s the final week leading up to Christmas, and I am suffering from a terrible case of what I call “Christmas brain.” I have a lot going on both at work and in my personal life, and I’m not getting enough sleep on top of chronic illness. So I’m starting to jumble things in my head a little. Fortunately, the other workers in my small store sympathize and we all have some fun with it. We are running a sale in which 100 different products are being offered at 25% off.)

Me: *to a customer* “And as you shop, keep in mind that we have select items on sale for 100% off! Wait…”

(Everyone within earshot starts laughing, including me.)

Customer: “What a great deal!”

Manager: “[My Name], you’re fired.”

Me: “Okay, so really, there are a hundred things for 25% off. If you have any questions, please ask one of my coworkers. I have to go clean out my locker because I’ve just been fired.”

(I put my head on my manager’s shoulder and he gave me a friendly pat. I love my job.)

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