(I have purchased a product online. After testing it for about ten minutes it stops working. I contact the company via email and receive the following response:)

Email: “Your e-mail has been received and will be reviewed by our support staff. We are currently receiving a higher than normal volume of requests due to the holiday rush. We will do our best to reply to you within 2-3 business days!

Please note that our offices will be closed on December 24th to December 26th for the holidays. All requests sent during this time period will be reviewed by our support staff once our offices re-open on December 27. We appreciate your patience and understanding. We wish you a safe and happy holiday!”

(I sent the email on March 23…)

(It’s a few days before Christmas, and it’s one of our VP’s birthdays. We all hear an announcement over the PA system that there is breakfast in our lunch room to celebrate the birthday and holidays. As I’ve already eaten, I remain at my desk. Multiple coworkers have already asked me why I’m not going, and I’ve told them I already ate. Most of them just keep walking, satisfied with my answer, but not this one.)

Coworker: “[My Name] let’s go! There’s food!”

Me: “But I already ate breakfast.”

Coworker: “So? Overeating! That’s the [company] way!”

(As far as I know, I am the only Jewish employee at my location. It is two weeks before Christmas, and I’m cleaning out the dressing rooms when a coworker rushes up.)

Coworker: “[My Name]! I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Me: “What’s up?”

Coworker: “I need you to cover my shift on Christmas Eve! I waited too long to schedule my break so I NEED someone to cover for me.”

Me: “Sorry, no can do.”

Coworker: “Why not? You covered for me on Easter!”

Me: “I know, but I can’t do Christmas because—”

Coworker: “But you’re Jewish. Ugh, why are you people always so selfish?”

(For a minute I just stare at her; she seems to realize that she has just crossed a line, and her face turns bright red.)

Me: *coolly* “My dad’s family is Christian, so I spend Christmas with them because it’s one of the only times I get to see my grandparents. And even if I didn’t, I would go home anyway because my mom’s birthday is the 26th. I’ve already booked my flight, and I asked for the week off months ago.”

(She mumbles about finding someone else and rushes away. I don’t know if she found somebody to cover her on Christmas. What I do know is that I will NOT be covering her Easter shift next year. I have plenty of other coworkers who would appreciate the chance to spend the holiday with their kids.)

(It is the week before Christmas, so nearly every business is playing Christmas carols, including the cafe that I’m in. Apart from me, the only other people in there are the two workers behind the counter.)

Carol: “…holy infant so tender and mild.”

Worker #1: *mumbling to herself, but still loud enough for me and the other worker to hear* “Just like a chicken wing.”

Me & Worker #2: *glance at each other in total silence, then both lose it*

Worker #1: *looking between the two of us* “What?”

(It’s not that I don’t like my brother-in-law; it’s just that I find him very difficult. Despite being in his 30s, he acts like a child; he is selfish and irritating, and he won’t make conversation unless it is about him or something he likes. My wife invites her sister and her husband around for Christmas, along with some more family. They turn up late, and he immediately makes himself comfortable, feet up on the sofa, and logs into our Wi-Fi.  After half an hour, he hasn’t spoken to anyone; he’s just been staring at his phone. I look at my wife who wordlessly motions me not to say anything. Then…)

Brother-In-Law: “What’s wrong with the Wi-Fi?”

Me: “Hmm?”

Brother-In-Law: “I can’t get on.”

Me: “Oh, really?” *my wife shoots me a dirty look*

Brother-In-Law: *whining* “I was just about to level up.”

Me: “Oh, it does that sometimes; it might come back on in a bit.”

(He finally put away his phone and actually joined in a conversation. But not before moaning about how much better his Internet speed was, and how we should sort it out. He actually tried to get his wife to leave, on Christmas Day, as he was getting bored. She told him to shut up and deal with it. Now, every time they come over, the Wi-Fi has the same mysterious problem. I don’t think he will ever work it out!)