(I receive a call from a customer who lives in the continental United States.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [shipping company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to make a ground shipment and the website won’t let me!”

(This company disables ground shipping if your account is late. I check the customer’s account and it is current.)

Me: “When did this start?”

Customer: “Do you think it could have anything with the shipment going to Hawaii?”

Me: “That’s probably it…”

Guest: “So, where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from Missouri.”

Guest: “Really?! My wife has some family up there! It’s in Ohio, right?”

Me: *speechless*

Guest: “Oh, wait. That’s a state, isn’t it?”

(Oklahoma has been getting a few earthquakes lately and apparently not everyone is used to them yet.)

Me: “911, where is your emergency?”

Caller: “Yeah, um, I’d like to report that my house just shook.”

Me: “Yes, sir, that was an earthquake. Is anyone injured?”

Caller: “Oh! Is THAT what that was? Nevermind!”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company], this is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Do you speak English?”

Me: “Yes, I do. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Are you in Ermurica?”

Me: “Yes, I am in America.”

Caller: “You don’t sound like you’re an Ermurican. You sure you’re not in some Middle Eastern country like Australia?”

(Note: I am a caucasian male from Minnesota and I speak like one.)

Me: “No, I am in Minnesota, sir, speaking English. Is there an issue with your cable, or do you have–”

Caller: “Minnesota?! How is that Ermurican?” *hangs up*

(I work for a very well-known cruise line in Florida. More likely than not, the crew members are not from the US. The people in the terminal on the other hand, are usually locals.)

Me: “Welcome to [Cruise Line], how are you today?”

Customer: *turning to wife* “Honey, she’s foreign.”

(He then turns back to me, flashes a huge smile, and starts speaking in incredibly slow English.)

Customer: “Hello!” *glances at my name tag* “My! I’ve never heard of a country called ‘Guestlogistics’! Where is that?”

Me: “Sir, that’s my position here at the terminal. I’m actually from around here.”

Customer: “Is that in Europe?”

Me: “No, I’m from [Next Town Over].”

Customer: *blank stare* “Okay… anyway, we’re all here to check in.”