The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
Guest: “So, where are you from?”
Me: “I’m from Missouri.”
Guest: “Really?! My wife has some family up there! It’s in Ohio, right?”
Me: *speechless*
Guest: “Oh, wait. That’s a state, isn’t it?”
Guest: “So, where are you from?”
Me: “I’m from Missouri.”
Guest: “Really?! My wife has some family up there! It’s in Ohio, right?”
Me: *speechless*
Guest: “Oh, wait. That’s a state, isn’t it?”
(Oklahoma has been getting a few earthquakes lately and apparently not everyone is used to them yet.)
Me: “911, where is your emergency?”
Caller: “Yeah, um, I’d like to report that my house just shook.”
Me: “Yes, sir, that was an earthquake. Is anyone injured?”
Caller: “Oh! Is THAT what that was? Nevermind!”
Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company], this is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”
Caller: “Do you speak English?”
Me: “Yes, I do. How can I help you?”
Caller: “Are you in Ermurica?”
Me: “Yes, I am in America.”
Caller: “You don’t sound like you’re an Ermurican. You sure you’re not in some Middle Eastern country like Australia?”
(Note: I am a caucasian male from Minnesota and I speak like one.)
Me: “No, I am in Minnesota, sir, speaking English. Is there an issue with your cable, or do you have–”
Caller: “Minnesota?! How is that Ermurican?” *hangs up*
(I work for a very well-known cruise line in Florida. More likely than not, the crew members are not from the US. The people in the terminal on the other hand, are usually locals.)
Me: “Welcome to [Cruise Line], how are you today?”
Customer: *turning to wife* “Honey, she’s foreign.”
(He then turns back to me, flashes a huge smile, and starts speaking in incredibly slow English.)
Customer: “Hello!” *glances at my name tag* “My! I’ve never heard of a country called ‘Guestlogistics’! Where is that?”
Me: “Sir, that’s my position here at the terminal. I’m actually from around here.”
Customer: “Is that in Europe?”
Me: “No, I’m from [Next Town Over].”
Customer: *blank stare* “Okay… anyway, we’re all here to check in.”
(I manage a tourist center that welcomes people coming into New Mexico. An obviously American tourist comes into the center.)
Tourist: *in broken Spanish* “Excuse me! I think you all forgot something.”
Me: *in English* “Yes, how can I help you?”
Tourist: *more broken Spanish* “Nobody was checking for passports when we crossed the border here.”
Me: “Passports?”
Tourist: “We are in Mexico now, after all.”
Me: “This is New Mexico, sir. You don’t need a passport to–”
Tourist: “What’s to stop illegal immigrants from coming into the United States if they don’t check our passports coming into New Mexico?”
Me: “Sir, New Mexico is part of the United States.”
Tourist: “Now you’re just lying to me.”