(I work at the front booth charging entry and parking fees to park visitors. Most of these visitors are tourists from Chicago. The entry fee is different for in-state and out-of-state license plates on the vehicles.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [State Park]. Do you have a Michigan license plate or an out-of-state license plate?”

Customer: “No. No, I don’t have that.”

Me: “Are you from Michigan or out-of-state? What is the state on your license plate?”

(Suddenly, the customer screams loudly and throws his hands up in the air as if he were terrified.)

Customer: “My ID! You need to see my ID? I have ID!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t need to see your ID. I just want to know where you are from.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “What state are you from?”

Customer: “Chicago. The state of Chicago.”

(As employees exit the train they are divided and reboarded to a new train based on their destination. At this point, we determine where they are traveling and forward them there. A train has just arrived from USA and is making it’s first stop in Canada.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, what is your final destination today?”

Customer: “Canada.”

Me: “Where in Canada will you be traveling?”

Customer: “Ontario, Canada.”

Me: “What is the final stop in Canada you will be going to today?”

Customer: “Ontario.”

Me: “Ontario is a province, like New York State or Florida. Where in the province of Ontario are you going?”

Customer: “Canada, but you obviously don’t know as well as I do. I’ll just talk to someone else!”

Me: “Have a good day!”

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(I am a cave tour guide. I’m talking about one of the cave’s rooms when a tourist raises her hand.)

Tourist: “Where are we right now?”

Me: “I believe we are north of where we came in, ma’am, but I can’t be sure because of all the twists and turns down here.”

Tourist: “No, no, I want to know where we are right now!”

Me: *confused as to what she wants* “Um, near the highway? We’re in [City]?”

Tourist: “No! What state are we in?”

(The entire group stares in amazement.)

Me: “We are in Texas, ma’am.”

Tourist: “Good. I thought we were in South Dakota or some s*** like that! Carry on.”

Me: “Thank you, have a nice day.”

Customer: “That’s an interesting accent. Where are you from?”

Me: “South Africa.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

Me: “In Africa.”

Customer: “Where’s Africa?”

This story is part of the South Africa Roundup!

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(The majority of the customers coming into this shop are from off of the cruise ships and mainly American.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Um, yes…could you tell me where I am?”

Me: “Yup, you’re in Canada.”

Customer: “And where is Canada?”

Me: “Um, well, if you look at a map, it’s that large country on top of your country.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(She looked baffled by this new piece of information and slowly turned around and walked away.)