(I’m in the middle of explaining insurance coverages to a customer when I get to her roadside service information.)

Me: “…and you also have on here a 24/7 nationwide roadside service that will take care of your towing and any locksmith charges.”

Customer: “What is that?”

Me: “What part, ma’am?”

Customer: “24/7?”

Me: “Oh, that means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

Customer: “Oh, and what does nationwide mean?”

Me: “That means all over the US, in any state.”

Customer: “Does that include Texas?”

Me: “Yes, Texas is part of the United States.”

Me: “Okay, sir, and the bill-to address?”

Customer: “237 Ooh-sah Highway.”

Me: “Would you mind spelling the highway name for me?”

Customer: “It sounds exactly like it’s spelled.”

Me: “O-O-H-S-A?”

Customer: “What? No! Ooh-sah.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Would you mind spelling it for me?”

Customer: “God. Fine. U-S-A. Ooo-sah!”

Me: “Do you mean US Highway [number]?”

Customer: “I know what road I live on! Ooh-sah!”

(Our company is part of a global organization that holds weekend teaching conferences across North America.)

Caller: “Do you ever have programs in Canada, or just in the States?”

Me: “Our territory covers North America. We have programs in the US, Canada, and Bermuda.”

Caller: “Canada isn’t part of North America.”

Me: “Yes it is. Canada is part of North America.”

Caller: “Typical American attitude! Canada is its OWN country!”

(I am a student working in the on-campus bookstore. A customer comes in and approaches me.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need a map of Washington.”

Me: “Washington state or Washington, D.C.?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Do you need a map for Washington state or Washington, D.C.?”

Customer: *confused* “What’s the difference, and what do you mean by D.C.?”

Me: “Well, one is a state above Oregon on the West Coast, and the other—Washington, D.C.—is an area on the East Coast. ‘D.C.’ stands for District of Columbia.”

Customer: “No, not in Colombia! In America!”

Me: “Ma’am, Washington, D.C. is in America. That is what it is called.”

Customer: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about. I just need a map of Washington for my political science class.”

Me: “Ah, then I’ll get you a map of Washington, D.C.”

Customer: “I think you’re wrong. I am going to tell my professor you guys are giving out maps of Colombia!” *walks away looking very annoyed*

(This is during the 2008 primaries. Our library has been set up as an early voting center. We have information sheets to help the voters make their choices.)

Customer: “I just don’t know what I should do. These things are so confusing. Who did you vote for?”

Me: “I didn’t vote.”

Customer: “That’s what’s wrong with you young people today. No ethics.”

Me: “You misunderstand. I didn’t vote because I can’t vote.”

Customer: *shocked* “Oh MY GOD! You’re a FELON? Why would they let a FELON work here?”

Me: “No, ma’am. No. I’m not a citizen.”

Customer: “Oh. You’re just saying that aren’t you?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not a citizen. Would you like to see my green card?”

Customer: “So, you’re from Canada?”

Me: “No, I’m from Europe.”

Customer: “That’s in Canada, isn’t it?”