(A customer walks in and approaches my colleague.)

Customer: “You’ve stopped the fuel pumps; you’ve done it on purpose.”

Colleague: “No, the pump won’t work because you took it out of the car and tried to put it back in to refuel again.”

Customer: “No, you stopped it on purpose.”

Me: “No, sir. You tried to refuel again from the same pump; it won’t work as we have to authorise it first.”

Customer: *turns to my colleague and calls him a c***, and then threatens to break his legs*

Me: “Are you threatening him, sir?”

Customer: “No, but it would be good if his legs were broken.”

(The customer walked out of the shop. It was my colleague’s first day in the job. Apparently, the customer is always right?)

(I work the night shift at a Midwest-exclusive gas station chain. Tonight one of the newer summer employees, a kid recently graduated from high school, is working until midnight. I’m having him watch the front counter to get more register experience. I notice a holdup in the line, stop the cleaning I’m doing, and walk over. One of the more “interesting” regulars is there.)

Coworker: “…so you want the [Cigarette Brand] light 99s?”

Regular: “Yes. The white box.”

Coworker: “So, these?” *holds up the cigarette box*

Regular: “No! Not the blue ones! The white ones?”

Me: *stepping behind the counter* “What’s up?”

Coworker: “She’s asking for the [Cigarette Brand] Light 99’s… I thought it was this brand, but maybe I was wrong?”

Me: “Funny, we only carry the 99s in two different kinds.” *turns to Regular* “You said [Cigarette Brand] Light 99s?

Regular: “Yes, I don’t see what’s so hard about that!”

(I head over to the cigarette holders, pick up a different box of the same kind my coworker is holding, and show it to the regular.)

Me: “Is this it?”

Regular: “Yes! Finally.”

Me: *to my baffled and slightly angry coworker* “Ring up the rest of these customers. I’ll take it from here.”

(I ring up the regular, and we get through the line of people within a couple of minutes. Afterward, my coworker turns to me.)

Coworker: “I had the right one! It was literally the same one you gave her!”

Me: “Yeah, I know. Welcome to retail.”

(I manage a station for a national grocery chain. I am trying to process a lady’s credit card so she can buy some gas.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but your credit card had been declined.”

Woman: “That’s not right; there is over $50,000 in that account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the card has been declined. I ran it twice.”

Woman: “I demand that you stop pushing the decline button and approve my gas.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you need to contact your bank to see why it declined your card.”

Woman: *in a very loud tone* “I DEMAND THAT YOU PUSH THE APPROVE BUTTON IMMEDIATELY! I HAVE OVER 50K IN THAT ACCOUNT, SO YOU NEED TO PUSH THE APPROVE BUTTON IMMEDIATELY!”

Me: “I’m sorry, there is nothing more I can do.”

Woman: “I’M LATE FOR WORK BECAUSE OF THIS! I’M GOING TO GO TALK TO YOUR BOSS, AND IN APPROXIMATELY 30 MINUTES YOU WILL BE FIRED FOR REJECTING MY 50K CREDIT CARD!”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience.”

Woman: “YOU SHOULD BE IN JAIL FOR REJECTING MY CREDIT CARD!”

(She stormed off and I never saw her again. A regular that knew the woman told me that she’d had her money cut off by her husband because she had been cheating on him.)

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(I’m working at a gas station in the early 90s. California has just recently eliminated leaded gas, so we have three grades of unleaded: regular, plus, and supreme. Even though it’s been MANY years now, I remember this customer like it was yesterday.)

Customer: “I need to get some unleaded gas, but I don’t want plus or supreme.”

Me: “Okay, so you want regular unleaded?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want regular. Regular has lead in it.”

Me: “No, sir, none of our gas has lead it in anymore. The State of California banned all lead in gas last year.”

Customer: “But the sign says, ‘regular.’ Regular has lead in it.”

Me: “It says, ‘regular unleaded.’ Not just, ‘regular.’”

Customer: “I don’t understand; is it regular or unleaded?”

Me: “It’s just regular unleaded.”

Customer: “It can’t be both at the same time!”

Me: “Sir, ‘regular unleaded’ just means it’s the base unleaded gas. Not plus, not supreme, just regular unleaded.”

Customer: “You aren’t making any sense. It can’t be regular and unleaded at the same time. I’m calling the state on you.”

(The customer then got into his car and drove off. A few days later, state inspectors were on site taking fuel samples to make sure we weren’t selling leaded fuel anymore, which we weren’t. I mentioned the customer to the state inspectors. One of them laughed and said they’d been getting a lot of calls like that one.)

(I’m working the first register while my coworker is taking a coffee order.)

Customer: “—and I want it EXTRA, EXTRA, EXTRA hot.”

(We can only heat it so far until the milk boils, so I wander over to see what coworker has written. She’s written, “Milk 100+ degrees)

Me: *whispering* “Hey, do you reckon he wants his coffee hot?”

Coworker: “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?”

Me: *laughs* “But in all seriousness, the milk will boil.”

Coworker: “I know, but it’s what he asked for, so I’ll take it as high as I can without boiling it.”

(I notice she’s written down that he wants five sugars, but I say nothing and go back to my work.)

Customer: “Y’know, this is my second favorite place to buy coffee. If the other place isn’t open I come here. It’s good coffee, but I have to have it really hot and really sweet, or I can’t drink it!”

Coworker: “Well, I got the milk to 95; if I keep going it’ll boil and curdle, so I can’t heat it anymore.”

Customer: “Okay, it’ll do.” *takes it and leaves*

Me: “FIVE SUGARS?!”

Coworker: “Yep.”

Me: “How does he know it’s good coffee if he dumps so much sugar in it?! Although, he probably needs to; sounds like his ‘extra, extra, extra hot’ coffees burned his taste buds off years ago!”