(I’m reading Not Always Right stories when my dad, a store manager at a local gas station chain, walks into my room.)

Dad: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Reading Not Always Right.”

Dad: “What?”

Me: “Reading Not Always Right. You know, bad customer stories? ‘The customer is—’”

Dad: “Oh! I can tell you a lot of those. Actually, I can show you one right now…”

(He pulls out his phone and loads up a picture of a truck parked in his gas station parking lot, ‘parked’ being a relative term. The truck is about three feet away from the pump, turned diagonally, and blocking the pump next to it, too, as well as two parking places.)

Dad: “This is how you park at a gas station, right?”

(I work in a gas station for a popular grocery store.)

Customer: “It’s not reading my card.”

Me: “Okay. It resets itself after a minute of inactivity, so we’re just going to run your information again.”

Customer: “But I just put this all in.”

Me: “Yes, sir. But it resets after a minute. It just needs your rewards card, please?”

Customer: “I don’t understand. I just put this in.”

Me: *ignoring them at this point* “Okay. So there’s your rewards card. It just needs your credit card now.”

Customer: *swipes card, in the opposite direction the little picture says*

Me: “Oh. It looks like it was swiped backwards. I just need the strip facing left.”

Customer: *swipes again and it goes through* “Huh. That’s weird. I did all of that exactly like that last time, too.”

Me: “Well… these machines are old. Sometimes they just don’t cooperate.”

(This happens several times a shift. A customer inserts their debit or credit card into the machine, and the machine starts beeping. The screen says, “Please remove card.” The customer stares blankly at the machine for several seconds then looks at me. Finally…)

Customer: “It says to remove card; what do I do?”

(A customer walks in and approaches my colleague.)

Customer: “You’ve stopped the fuel pumps; you’ve done it on purpose.”

Colleague: “No, the pump won’t work because you took it out of the car and tried to put it back in to refuel again.”

Customer: “No, you stopped it on purpose.”

Me: “No, sir. You tried to refuel again from the same pump; it won’t work as we have to authorise it first.”

Customer: *turns to my colleague and calls him a c***, and then threatens to break his legs*

Me: “Are you threatening him, sir?”

Customer: “No, but it would be good if his legs were broken.”

(The customer walked out of the shop. It was my colleague’s first day in the job. Apparently, the customer is always right?)

(I work the night shift at a Midwest-exclusive gas station chain. Tonight one of the newer summer employees, a kid recently graduated from high school, is working until midnight. I’m having him watch the front counter to get more register experience. I notice a holdup in the line, stop the cleaning I’m doing, and walk over. One of the more “interesting” regulars is there.)

Coworker: “…so you want the [Cigarette Brand] light 99s?”

Regular: “Yes. The white box.”

Coworker: “So, these?” *holds up the cigarette box*

Regular: “No! Not the blue ones! The white ones?”

Me: *stepping behind the counter* “What’s up?”

Coworker: “She’s asking for the [Cigarette Brand] Light 99’s… I thought it was this brand, but maybe I was wrong?”

Me: “Funny, we only carry the 99s in two different kinds.” *turns to Regular* “You said [Cigarette Brand] Light 99s?

Regular: “Yes, I don’t see what’s so hard about that!”

(I head over to the cigarette holders, pick up a different box of the same kind my coworker is holding, and show it to the regular.)

Me: “Is this it?”

Regular: “Yes! Finally.”

Me: *to my baffled and slightly angry coworker* “Ring up the rest of these customers. I’ll take it from here.”

(I ring up the regular, and we get through the line of people within a couple of minutes. Afterward, my coworker turns to me.)

Coworker: “I had the right one! It was literally the same one you gave her!”

Me: “Yeah, I know. Welcome to retail.”