Me: “Welcome to [Smoothie Store]! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Good morning to you! I need the large blueberry please.”

Me: “All right, sir, I’ll get those started for you. What kind of free boost would you like in your smoothies?”

Customer: “You know what my favorite and the best boost of all is?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Jesus.”

Me: “Oh, haha. You would like a Jesus boost?”

Customer: “Why, yes, I like to boost my day with Jesus every day! Are you filled with the light? Have you accepted Christ into your life?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I have. So what boost would you like in your smoothie?”

Customer: “I told you already.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, looks like we’re fresh out of Jesus today.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s too bad. I’ll just have the whey protein, then.”

Customer: “Where are your film cameras?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t carry those anymore, but our digital ones are right over there.”

Customer: “Okay, and where are the film ones?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we stopped carrying film cameras a long time ago.”

Customer: “Is that one film?”

Me: “No, sir. None of the cameras in this store will be film.”

Customer: “But that one is big. See, the film goes right there!”

Me: “That is actually where the batteries go. This camera doesn’t need film because it is a digital camera.”

Customer: “So where does the film go?”

Me: “No film, sir. They store the pictures on an SD card.”

Customer: “Why aren’t you listening? All I want is to buy a film camera!”

Me: “I am very sorry, sir, but we only carry digital cameras. No film cameras.”

Customer: *looks at a camera* “I think I want that one. What kind of film is best to put in it?”

Me: *giving up* “It is actually pretty interesting, they started putting all the film in this tiny little card to protect it from any sort of light. Only machines can develop the film, because the card is so small, so you can only get prints by putting the card in a computer.”

Customer: “Isn’t that amazing! That is so smart, the things they come up with today!”

This story is part of our Bad-Listener Customers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

14 Funny True Stories About Customers Getting Tongue-Tied In The Worst Way! 

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Read the Bad-Listener Customers roundup!

(I am taking calls for a charity.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Charity]. Are you calling this evening to make a donation?”

Caller: “Sure I will, but I want to talk to one of the famous people first.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that isn’t possible. However, if I take your donation, I’m sure that they will be grateful.”

Caller: “Well, what row are you in? Can you wave to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not on TV. I’m in a call center that handles the excess calls from generous people like yourself.”

Caller: “Well, just get up and tap [Celebrity] on the shoulder! I’m sure he wouldn’t mind taking my call!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I’m not in the studio at the moment.”

Caller: “I’ll just call back. I’m sure the next person will know someone famous! You should stop hogging all the famous people!”

This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

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Read the Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

(I’m a cook at a restaurant. A sandwich comes back rung up “No Mayo, allergy”. I call the server back to the kitchen.)

Server: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “So, what’s the guy allergic to? The eggs or the vinegar?”

Server: “What do you mean?”

Me: “That’s what’s in mayonnaise. Eggs and vinegar. If he’s allergic to the eggs, I’m going to need to get rid of two of the things on the sandwich. If it’s the vinegar, I’ll need to get rid of four. If it’s any of the other chemicals or preservatives or whatnot, I’ll have to leave off everything.”

(The server goes and talks to the table, and returns a minute later.)

Server: “He’s not really allergic to anything. He just wanted to make sure that it didn’t have mayo on it.”

This story is part of our roundup about people lying about their health!

Read the next story in this roundup here!

Read the roundup itself here!

(At our store, we have a dish called the Bruschetta (bru-SHET-ta) Chicken Pasta. I am delivering a party their food.)

Me: “So that leaves the Bruschetta Chicken Pasta. Here you go.”

Customer: “I didn’t order no bru-SHET-ta! I ordered a bra-SKET-ta pasta!”

(I turn around and put the item back on the tray, pause, then pick the same bowl up again.)

Me: “Bra-sket-ta chicken pasta. Here you go.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

This story is part of the Choose-Your-Battles roundup!

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Read the Choose-Your-Battles roundup!