I am on vacation in a VW van with my dog. He is a 110-pound collie. I drive up to a motel office and go inside.
Me: “Do you take dogs?”
Clerk: “How big is he?”
Me: “That’s him standing in the window of my van.”
He actually looks as big as a person sitting in a middle seat.
Clerk: “Yes, we will let him stay.”
How big does a dog have to be before he is turned down at this place?
The vet that I take my dog to also offers boarding. I call to get him in because I’m going to be out of town.
Me: “I’d like to board my dog the ninth through the thirteenth.”
Receptionist: “We’ve got space then. I’ll go ahead and put him down.”
I know she meant she’d write it down on the schedule, but maybe don’t use the phrase “put him down” while working at a vet’s office.
In my first week as a manager, I get a complaint about one of the contractors working for me. Apparently, he smells like he hasn’t washed in weeks. Other comments have been made about his lack of handwashing and overuse of deodorant spray.
I think long and hard about how to approach it. It’s not an easy subject; I don’t know what cultural or personal issues I might be stepping on. Eventually, I decide on an honest but fair approach. I get him in first thing Monday morning and check that he is okay and understands why I asked him here.
Me: “The bottom line is that you need to wash daily and apply some sort of antiperspirant or deodorant that works for you and everyone around you.”
Worker: “I do!”
Me: “Honestly, you’ve been here for thirty minutes and I can smell that’s not the case. I need you to make this change or we are going to have to lose you.”
He folds his arms in defiance.
Me: “Listen, we can deal with it here or we will have to escalate it. But it needs to be dealt with now.”
Worker: “Are we finished?”
Me: “Yes, you can go.”
I was being kind when I said I could tell he hadn’t washed. My office stank of body odor and I could see his clothes were dirty from the week before. Being a contractor, he was getting paid more than I was. We even have showers on-site! I decide to call the agency we use to manage him. I explained why we spoke and that I expected them to follow up and have the matter sorted within the week.
A week later, I got the same complaints. I invited him to a meeting with me and a representative from the agency. He didn’t show up that day. I rescheduled and he called off sick.
We fired him on the spot; being agency work, there is no notice period and no pay other than the hours he worked.
He claimed unfair dismissal (doesn’t exist for contractors), claimed I made things up (everything was documented), and claimed racial discrimination (no evidence was given, as there wasn’t any).
He then tried to apply directly for his old position. Of course, that didn’t work. His last act of defiance was to write me a list of accusations and vague threats. After he showed it to his agency, they fired him, too.
I’m away for work. I’ve been on the go since 2:00 am and it’s now 6:00 pm. I’m ready for a drink, so I head to my hotel’s bar.
Me: “Can I get a whisky and Coke, please?”
Employee #1: “We only have beer.”
Me: “I can see the whisky from here.”
Employee #1: “That’s…” *reads the label* “…vodka. You want vodka?”
Me: “No, next to it, the whisky.”
She moves the wrong way.
Employee #1: “This is also vodka.”
Me: “No the other way, the [Brand].”
She can’t find it, despite it being right in front of her face. Another staff member comes over.
Employee #2: “What’s wrong?”
Employee #1: “He keeps saying he wants whisky but pointing to vodka.”
Me: “No, I want a whisky, any whisky. With Coke. Please.”
Employee #2: “I don’t think we have whisky.”
Me: *Groans* “Is there a manager I can speak to?”
Employee #1: “I can’t deal. You put up with him.”
She storms off while we wait for a manager.
Manager: “Is there a problem?”
Me: “Only that you employ bar staff that don’t know what whisky is. All I want is a whisky and Coke. Both of your staff tell me you don’t have any.”
Manager: “How much have you had to drink with us?”
Me: “Nothing. All I want is a drink. It’s been a very long day, and I can see the bottle, which apparently doesn’t exist.”
Manager: “What’s wrong with the [Brand]?”
Employee #2: “Err, nothing. Is that whisky?”
Manager & Me: “Yes!”
I eventually got my drink, which was at least comped. I found a pub down the road and went there for the rest of my stay. Never before or since have I seen such clueless staff behind a bar.
We have been looking to move to a specific area in a specific city. Houses rarely go up for sale, so we signed up with every estate agent that works in the area to get notifications as soon as a house came up for sale.
One house was emailed to me that I swear we saw a long while ago; it was hard to forget. It was way overpriced and an absolute tip. It was grubby and outdated and had several DIY “improvements” that made no sense.
Of course, every estate agent then emailed me to let me know it was for sale. I replied to each of them that this house wasn’t for us. But the emails kept coming, every other day, for weeks.
I was deleting them at first. When I read them, I realised they were all from one estate agent, one of the first I had told I wasn’t interested.
Eventually, he rang me.
Estate Agent #1: “Hi! [Long spiel]. Just checking you got my emails about the property for sale.”
Me: “Oh, yes, I did, actually. I thought I responded that I wasn’t interested.”
Estate Agent #1: “Are you sure? Properties don’t go up for sale very often and this is a big property.”
Me: “I know, but it’s way over our budget and I think we will wait.”
He followed up with a push to go see the house even though we couldn’t afford it. He kept harping on and on about the house with really specific details of what was spent on it and improvements. I just said yes to get him off the phone. I called back the next day to cancel, and luckily, I spoke to a different associate.
Me: “I’m ringing to cancel a viewing on [Property]. It’s [My Name].”
Estate Agent #2: “That’s odd; we don’t have you booked in. Who did you speak to?”
Me: “It was [Estate Agent #1].”
Estate Agent #2: “That makes sense. [Estate Agent #1] no longer works here.”
Me: “Oh, okay. Well, I’m happy to receive property updates, just not on that property.”
Estate Agent #2: “Yes, not a problem. That property is no longer represented by us.”
Me: “O… kay? Good, then, I think.”
When the agent responds, it almost sounds like they’re reading from a script.
Estate Agent #2: “It was a conflict of interests, and we cannot represent a property where one of our employees may have an active stake or controlling interest.”
Me: “Ah, that explains the insistence, and probably the price.”
That was the last time I saw that property advertised, and we did find another one eventually, in better condition and price.
