Caller: “My phone went off and won’t go back on! And now, it’s threatening to arrest me or something!”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s threatening… to arrest you?”

Caller: “Yes! It says I’m being charged with battery!”

(I’ve been working for quite a while, so my voice is scratchy. Near the end of my shift, an old man comes to the counter.)

Customer: “Hm. You’re losing your voice there, eh?”

Me: “Haha. A little bit, I suppose.”

Customer: “Well, that’s the end of the world for a woman.”

Me: “Ha ha…” *confused as to where he’s going with this*

Customer: “HAHAHA, YOU CAN’T YELL AT ME!” *does a victory dance*

(I am a female working drive-thru with a male coworker. We are both able to speak to the customer.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [shop name]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a [coffee drink] and [sandwich], thanks.”

(At this point, I am busy starting work on the sandwich, so my hands aren’t free to hit the button to respond to the customer.)

Male Coworker: “Alright, that will be [price] at the window, please.”

Customer: “What? You sure went through puberty in a hurry!”

(A customer comes to me with two giant bags of dog food. I ring them through.)

Customer: “You must think I have a bunch of dogs huh?”

Me: “Um, yeah. Sure.”

Customer: “Nope! The in-laws are in town!”

(We run a camp for dogs to play. We often let the owners know of bad dog behavior.)

Customer: “How did our dog do today?”

Me: “Well, sir, he did a lot of humping today.”

Customer: “Just like his dad.”

Customer’s Wife: “Oh my God.”

This story is part of our Even-Crazier-Pet-Owners roundup!

Read the next Even-Crazier-Pet-Owners roundup story!

Read the Even-Crazier-Pet-Owners roundup!

This story is part of the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

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