(I am working the first window of the drive-thru taking people’s money. Our store has a policy that if you don’t get a receipt or if you are not offered a receipt, then your order is free. A man comes up to my window and shoves a wad of bills and change into my hand and immediately drives off to the next window. I don’t think much of it, because the guy had exact change. A short time later, my manager comes up to me.)

Manager: “A customer is insisting on getting their food for free. He says that you didn’t give him his receipt nor ask him if he wanted one.”

(I explain to my manager what happened, and then go and talk to the customer.)

Me: “Sir, you didn’t give me a chance to offer you a receipt or to complete the transaction. As soon as you gave me your money, you sped off.”

Customer: “That’s NOT what the sign says! It’s not my fault you’re slow! I was not given a receipt, correct? You did not ask me if I wanted a receipt, correct? Therefore, I get my food for free!”

(My manager decides not to argue with the man and refunds his money. A few days later, a man places an order and I am pretty sure it is the same customer. Sure enough, I immediately recognize him when he pulls up to my window. Again, he shoves a wad of bills and change at me. However, I don’t reach out to take it just yet.)

Me: “Good evening, sir! Would you like your receipt today?”

Customer: “D*** it! You recognized me, didn’t you?”

(I’m working the front counter. A customer comes inside carrying one of our large cups of soda. She pushes past several other customers who are waiting in line and slams the cup down onto the counter.)

Customer: “I just came through the drive-thru and they f***ed up my order yet again! It’s not that hard, so I don’t know why you idiots can’t handle it.”

Me: “Sorry about that. What were you missing?”

Customer: “Nothing! It’s my drink! I ordered a large Diet Coke with the ice on the bottom.”

(She rips the lid off of the cup. As one would expect from any soda currently obeying the laws of physics, the ice is floating on the top.)

Customer: “What does that look like to you?!”

Me: “Well, it looks like the ice is floating on the top.”

Customer: “Exactly! You’re going to dump this out and remake it, with the ice on the bottom this time!”

Me: “I’m not sure that’s possible. Ice floats, ma’am. I can’t make it stay on the bottom of the cup.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? Just put the ice in the bottom of the cup.”

Me: “But when I fill it with soda, the ice is going to float up to the top anyway. It’s just how it works.”

Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Just make it work.”

Me: “I’m sorry, maybe I’m just not understanding you. If you could just show me over at the self-serve drink station, I can tell everyone else how to do it properly next time.”

(The customer storms over to the station and empties her cup. She proceeds to fill the cup with ice, casting me smug looks over her shoulder, and then dispenses soda into the cup. When it is full, she looks down at the cup in disbelief. The customer dumps out her soda and makes another attempt. After three or four tries, she finally caps the cup again and walks out of the store, avoiding eye contact with me.)

(Note: We are a very small vet clinic and have no office manager. We do have a clinic cat which stays at the counter during the day and he has been jokingly called our office manager.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Good afternoon! I’d like to make an appointment today for my dog’s vaccines.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re completely booked for today. We’re looking at some time late this week or early next week.”

(Suddenly, the heretofore nice caller goes completely ballistic. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs.)

Caller: “LISTEN, I WANT AN APPOINTMENT NOW! How dare you talk to me in that tone! You make me an appointment for today, right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re booked for today.”

Caller: “You are such a liar! I have never been treated like this before! You are the most rude person I have EVER talked to! I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED. I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR OFFICE MANAGER, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “We don’t have an office manager here, sir. I can have you speak to the owner, though.”

Caller: “Don’t you lie to me! I’LL HAVE YOUR A** FIRED. PUT ME ON RIGHT NOW!”

(This goes on for a few minutes. I try to calm him down and have him speak to the owner, but he keeps screaming. I look up to see our clinic cat watching me and I get an idea.)

Me: “Sir, you’re right. We do have an office manager, but he wasn’t in yet so I had to tell you we didn’t have one.”

(He keeps ranting, and I put the phone near our cat. Note that he’s yelling loud enough for me to hear. The man continues to scream over the phone for a couple of minutes before he pauses.)

Caller: “You’re going to tell that to your employee, right?!”

Clinic Cat: “Meow?”

Caller: *hangs up*

Caller: “I would like free shipping for this product.”

Me: “We’re sorry, but we don’t have any free shipping deals today.”

Caller: “I want free shipping.”

Me: “There is no free shipping, so I really can’t give you free shipping.”

Caller: “I don’t want the product, then.”

(I decide to try another approach.)

Me: “How about I add $6.99 to your order and then give you free shipping? Would that be okay?”

Caller: “That would be great! Thank you so much! Thanks for the great customer service!”

Me: “Okay, sir. You go have a good day.”

Caller: “Thank you! Thanks for the free shipping!”

(A mother with two young children enters the store. Upset because she can’t ride in the car-shaped cart, the little girl sits on the floor and throws a fit.)

Mother: “Come on, honey. We don’t have all day.”

Daughter: *continues to pout*

Mother: *exasperated* “Seriously, come on or I’ll leave you here!”

Daughter: *continues to pout*

Me: *to the daughter* “You know what we do with kids who aren’t with their parents? We put them to work… hard work! We will make you go get carts. It is no fun…” *a coworker getting carts comes inside, so I turn to him* “Just ask him!”

Coworker: “My mom left me here five years ago!”

Daughter: *darts up and runs to her mother*

Mother: *to us* “Thank You!”