(I go into the electronics store a few times a month and get to know most of the staff. I’m wheelchair-bound, and my beard is iron grey and white, so I’m pretty distinctive. A few days ago they hired a bunch of new people for the holidays. Since I’ve been looking for a new PC game, I am going through their display when one of these very young employees approaches:)

Employee: “Looking for a game for your grandson?”

Me: “I’m sorry?” *just blown away by the question*

Employee: “You know, video games? Computer games?”

Me: “Oh!” *catching on that due to my age he was under the impression that I was too old to know video games* “No, I don’t know much about them things. Can you explain them?”

Employee: “Well, people play these games on these machines.”

Me: “Oh! Like the ones with the typewriters hooked up to the TVs?”

Employee: “Yes! Exactly! They use the computer and these things called programs.”

(This actually goes on for a good five minutes, with him explaining to an old cripple all about these new-fangled contraptions called PCs. Unfortunately for me, but fortunate for the employee, a manager starts overhearing the conversation and comes over to investigate. I see her walk up behind this clueless employee, silently dying with laughter, and she has to wipe away tears before she lets her be presence known.)

Manager: “Um, why are you talking to him like he is clueless as to what computers and games are? He makes half the backgrounds, screensavers, and custom content for most of the games we carry. He is the last person you ever want to treat like that.”

Employee: “You can’t be serious. I mean isn’t he a little too… you know… to know much about games?”

Me: “You mean, I’m too old to know much about games?” *I fill in the blanks for him* “I’m too old to know much about skins, meshes, animations, and the like?”

Employee: “Um, well, I just saw you looking there, and I didn’t know.”

Manager: “Maybe you’ve learned a bit of a lesson in preconceived notions and jumping to conclusions, and hopefully a little about discrimination of age.”

Employee: “Well… I’ve got to take care of something…”

(And away he ran! The second he was far enough away the manager burst out laughing again and asked how long I was going to keep the kid on the hook. I told her just a couple of more minutes because I was having too much fun with him. That kid will never hear the end of his gaffe and I may immortalize it in my next DLC. I’ll just leave his name out of it.)

(My keyboard has some keys that don’t work, and my computer is running slow. I take it into the store so their tech crew can fix it. Keep in mind that I specifically say the SHIFT key does not work. Only CAPS LOCK works.)

Employee: “I think I’ve got all your details down! I just need your password.”

Me: “It’s ‘HELLO’ in all caps, then ‘world’ in all lowercase. ‘HELLOworld.’”

(I tell him again about the SHIFT key.)

Employee: “Got it! Well, we should have the problem diagnosed by tonight.”

(I cross my fingers that it’s a software issue, as a new keyboard is $150, and head home. Not 30 minutes later I receive this call:)

Employee #2: “Hello, I think we have the wrong password. Can you please repeat it?”

Me: “’HELLO’ in all caps, ‘world’ in all lowercase.”

Employee #2: “I’m sorry, but your computer isn’t accepting that. Could it be a different password?”

Me: “Are you using the SHIFT key?”

Employee #2: “Yes?”

Me: “It doesn’t work. Use the CAPS LOCK key.”

Employee #2: “That worked. I’ll look at your—” *pauses* “—keyboard… issue… now.” *click*

(I run a private computer store associated with a larger company. We see a lot of customers each day with issues using their cell phones. Many have changed something on the device that they were not aware of, and it requires us to scroll through a number of different settings on the device to troubleshoot. This happens while I am helping a lady who appears to be in her 60s.)

Customer: “Do you by chance have a water fountain?”

Me: “No, but will a bottle of water do?”

(I keep water in our refrigerator for personal use; I usually buy bulk packs of mini bottles. I get a bottle of water from the back room, hand it to her, and bend over to the counter to look closely at the phone settings once again. She starts drinking from the bottle, standing directly opposite me, and basically right on top of me as I check her phone. She then gets some water down the wrong pipe, and does the biggest cough and spit take you have ever seen, showering me, the counter, and her phone. I take it all in stride, clean up what I can with a roll of paper towels we keep behind the counter, and get her taken care of the best I can, and she leaves.)

Coworker: “You have got the be the most composed person I have ever seen! She was shooting water out her nose, even! If it would have been me, I would have told her I had to go home and take a shower after that!”

(I didn’t really need to hear that part. Bonus points: she never said she was sorry!)

Related:
H2-Woah, Part 3
H2-Woah, Part 2
H2-Woah

(My first job in IT, around 1993, was in a small PC shop that did not have any field support for our clients but I did help out clients over the phone in order for me to decide whether or not they should bring in their equipment.)

Me: “Good day. Thank you for calling [Shop]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

Client: “I just bought this game and the music sounds extremely garbled.”

(It is one of the early Command and Conquer games.)

Me: “It should not sound like that. Have you tried reconnecting the speakers?”

Client: “Yes, I have done that and it still sounds like s***. But my other discs all sound fine.”

Me: “Would you be able to bring in your computer so that we can diagnose it on site?”

Client: “Unfortunately, I cannot as I don’t have a car and only ride bikes.”

(I remember that the client has signed up for our monthly newsletter.)

Me: “I see that you have signed up for our monthly newsletter and notice that your home address is on my way home as I live nearby. I am knocking off in about 15 minutes and can be at your home in another 10 minutes, so I can be there in 25 minutes. How does that sound?”

Client: “That sounds good.”

(I then knock off and get to the client’s house. He shows me to his study and he reproduces the steps that he had followed earlier. But the ‘device’ that he is playing the ‘computer game’ on is definitely not a computer. It is a hi-fi with a CD player.)

Client: “I heard from a friend that the music on the disc was awesome. Not scratchy and irritating like this.”

Me: “Well, sir, what you are actually listening to is actual computer data. Your hi-fi won’t be able to read the data properly and it is therefore spewing out this rubbish.”

Client: “Well, how do we then fix it?”

Me: “You would need to get a computer to play this disc.”

Client: “What the heck is a computer?”

(I work in a computer store in a department where we sell computer parts. We assist customers in picking out parts and sometimes assist with actually putting the computer together as well. Assisting a customer with a complete build is a long process, and often takes a few hours — sometimes a few hours on multiple days. I have been working with this one customer for two hours at this point, and until now he has been completely normal. We have parts for nearly the entire build picked out, and the only thing left is a wireless card, because he wants his desktop to have wi-fi.)

Customer: “Have you ever been a model?”

Me: “No, not really—”

Customer: “You should be a model.”

Me: “Haha. I’m not interested in—”

Customer: “I’m an artist.”

(I don’t respond. This customer has quickly been getting creepier. For some reason, he changes his entire way of speaking when this exchange begins. He starts speaking more nasally, and elongating the vowels in words. Plus, he cuts me off when I respond to him.)

Customer: “I’m an artist. You should let me draw you.”

Me: “Sir, I’m really not interested–”

Customer: “I can pay you 50 dollars to come to my studio. I have clothes for you, but you wouldn’t have to wear any.”

(While he’s saying this, a coworker, also a woman, happens to come across us and addresses him.)

Coworker: “Sir—”

Customer: “Ugh, I don’t want YOU. Whatever.”

(He turned and left in a huff. He didn’t buy anything, of course.)