(I am pregnant, and though I have gotten past morning sickness for the most part, I am still not a morning person. My boyfriend has also discovered how to use my cravings to his advantage. My boyfriend’s alarm goes off, and he gently shakes me while hitting the snooze button.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, it’s time to get up.”

(I ignore him. A few minutes later, the alarm goes off again, and he hits snooze.)

Boyfriend: “C’mon, let’s get up. We’ve got things to do today.”

(I roll over and ignore him. A few minutes later, the alarm goes off again.)

Boyfriend: *quietly in my ear* “Cheese fries.”

Me: *stomach growls loudly, I open one eye* “Mmph.”

Boyfriend: “If you get up, I’ll get you some cheese fries. Just for you.”

Me: *sitting up* “Mmph. With bacon?”

(At home, my significant other is playing a medieval-style video game. I’ve just gotten out of the shower and am walking back to our bedroom to finish getting dressed when he updates me on what’s happening in his game.)

Significant Other: “Hey, baby, I just f***** the princess!”

Me: *laughing* “That’s awesome, hun. Want to do it again?”

Significant Other: “Nah, I don’t think I can get back to that part of the game again, because it’s story-based.”

Me: “Uh… Babe…”

Significant Other: “What?”

Me: *raises eyebrow, looks down at towel covering me, looks back at oblivious fool*

Significant Other: “Oh. Well, then…” *races me to the bedroom*

(My anatomy and physiology class has started cadaver dissections, and although the professor is on hand to help or answer questions, he tries to let us do as much of it as possible. When a student accidentally nicks his palm with the scalpel, the professor ducks out of the lab to help him disinfect and bandage it, and since I have to change my gloves anyway, I take the opportunity to text my boyfriend.)

Me: “Warning: unsupervised undergrads with scalpels.”

Boyfriend: “It’s important to stab someone first to establish superiority.”

Me: “Nah, [Classmate] managed to stab himself with no help from me, which is why we’re currently unsupervised. My superiority is already established by my ability to properly wield the tools of dissection. I rule as Queen.”

Boyfriend: “Enjoy your reign of the land of corpses, and for any potential mutineers, threaten that they shall share the fate of the unwilling subjects of evisceration!”

Me: “The dissection cadavers donated their bodies to science, though; they’re not unwilling.”

Boyfriend: “Oh. Well, enjoy your stint as the queen of the dead things, then! Stir-fry tonight?”

(This counts as normal for us. He may be The One.)

(My boyfriend and I are texting about a stupid way he injured himself. As we’re saying goodbye, because he has to leave, I say:)

Me: “I love you, too, idiotic boyfriend.”

Boyfriend: “I will always be like this.”

Me: “You won’t stay an idiotic boyfriend forever.”

Boyfriend: “You’re right; I’ll evolve.”

Me: “Into?”

Boyfriend: “From idiotic boyfriend into idiotic husband.”

Me: “I was thinking corpse, but husband is good, too.”

This story is part of our Valentine’s Day 2023 roundup!

Read the next Valentine’s Day 2023 roundup story!

Read the Valentine’s Day 2023 roundup!

(I’m talking with my girlfriend online. She tells me she is taking her sister in for some medical tests and asks me what I’m doing.)

Me: “I’m watching Criminal Minds and drinking whiskey.”

Girlfriend: “That sounds good, except for the Criminal Minds and the whiskey.”