I work at a gas station. We rent out trailers, and as a result, some people seem to think we rent out other things, as well. I’ve been asked about rental cars or even rental boats; we have neither. This is by far the weirdest question about rental items I’ve ever had — at least, I think she wanted to rent one.

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have horses?”

Me: “…horses?”

Customer: “Yes, horses!”

Me: “As in betting on horse races? Because no, we don’t have betting here.”

Customer: “No! Horses!”

Me: “No, we don’t have horses, either.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, thank you!” *Leaves*

My two sons just had a big quarrel with each other. I don’t know the details, but they have been all fire and brimstone with each other. It’s gone on for a week now, which has made family dinners very awkward, as they can’t be in the same room without a shouting match occurring within five minutes.

Eventually, I lose my patience with those two and throw both of them out of the house with an order to never return until they’ve made up. So, two grumbling teenagers sit themselves at the bench in the garden, pointedly not looking at each other and practically oozing rage.

They’re like that for pretty much an entire hour, doing nothing but sitting beside each other and saying absolutely nothing.

Then, suddenly, they both get up at the same time and come back in.

Me: “Have the two of you stopped quarrelling?”

Son #1: “Yup, Mum.”

Son #2: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “You’ve made up?”

Son #1: “Yeah. I realised it was just childish.”

Son #2: “I don’t even remember why we were arguing.”

Son #1: “Yeah, me, too.”

Me: “Did either of you apologise to each other?”

Son #1: “No point.”

Son #2: “Nothing to forgive.”

Indeed, they were best of friends once again after that hour in the garden — all without saying a word to the other. I still don’t know why they were quarrelling in the first place.

I work in a beauty shop, and I’m Romani and Native American. 

Customer: “Where are you from, dear?”

Me: “Oh, I’m from here. My mother was Native, and my father was Romani.”

Customer: “What’s Romani?”

Me: “Gypsies.”

Customer: “Oh, can you read my palm?”

Me: *Laughs* “No, I don’t know how to.”

Customer: “Come on, I’m sure you’re good at it!”

Me: “I’m really not.”

Customer: “What if I paid you extra?”

Me: “I don’t think my boss would be too happy about that.”

Boss: “She wouldn’t be.”

But the customer kept insisting, so I finally gave in, telling her it was no charge. I made up some stuff, found the guardian angel line, and asked about her deceased relatives. She left happy and gave me a tip! My boss laughed and told me to keep the extra tip, saying it was a funny experience.

I’m working as a student representative for my university at a really large university fair for graduating high school students. My job is to talk to prospective students, promote my school, and answer questions about my program. When we aren’t occupied with a visitor, we are supposed to reach out to the people standing outside of our booth and try to draw them in. I’m currently free and I spot a group of three guys standing close to me, so I go to them and start my pitch.

Me: “Hi, are any of you interested in studying for [University]?”

Guy #1: “Nah, I want to study [program we don’t offer] at [Other University].”

Me: “That’s fair, and you?”

I turn to the next guy.

Guy #2: “I don’t want to continue studying.”

I’m starting to sense that I’m not going to get anywhere with them, but I turn to the third guy anyway.

Me: “And you, what do you want to do when you graduate?”

The guy looks me in the eyes.

Guy #3: *Deadpan* “Burn down buildings.”

I have absolutely no idea what to say, so I just blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind. 

Me: “I… don’t think you need further education for that.”

It is about 2015 or 2016. I am a licensed insurance producer for one of the major US insurance companies and I take calls from people who are dissatisfied with their policies and/or the service they’ve received from a customer service representative.

In my position, I only speak with those who already have vehicle policies, and I have access to their full profiles and history.

My current caller has a less-than-stellar driving history, so he’s paying more than average for his policy and has recently been in an accident that caused minor damage to another vehicle, for which we have paid.

Me: “Thanks for holding, Mr. [Caller]. My name is [My Name]. May I ask why you’ve requested to speak with a supervisor today?”

Caller: “I own an auto body shop and my guys said there’s $20,000 damage to my car which you are refusing to pay, and my girlfriend and I were injured and you won’t pay our medical bills. I’m a doctor and I know that we’ll both suffer for years. You all need to get your act together and pay what you owe me. That’s what you can do for me, and I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer again.”

Me: “As my CSR has already explained, the policy you purchased only covers damage and injury to others that you cause. There is no coverage for your vehicle or for injuries to you or any passengers in your car, so you are not entitled to any payment from us. I can quote the cost of adding coverage for any future incidents, but it won’t change the payout for any accident that’s already happened.”

Caller: “I paid good money, and lots of it, for my policy and you are so wrong. I’m a lawyer and I’ll sue. It’ll cost you big time. We’ll see who’s right. I don’t care how long it takes; I have loads of money — millions of dollars — and I won’t give up, so you might as well just pay me now and make it easy on yourselves.”

Me: “Since you are now threatening legal action, I can no longer discuss your situation; you’ll need to speak with a member of our legal team. Would you like to take that contact information, or would you prefer to be transferred now?”

Caller: “I worked in the insurance industry for years and I’m a tenured professor at the local college and teach insurance classes. I wrote the test you took to get your insurance license, and the state insurance people even call me for advice when they run into cases like mine. I know my rights and you’re going to fix this for me!”

Me: “Is [phone number] a good call back number for you?”

Caller: “Yes. Yes, it is. Finally, I seem to be getting through to you how ridiculous you’ve all been. I’ve already verified my address; that’s where you can send the check.”

Me: “I’ve noted in the call history of your policy that you’ve expressed your intent to take legal action, so any further communications will be through our attorneys. I’m disconnecting now; thanks for calling.”

This business owner/doctor/lawyer/millionaire/insurance professional/college professor/bag of hot air was just short of his twenty-first birthday and the insured vehicle was a 1990s era low-end Honda. I don’t know if he ever actually tried to sue.