(Our department store has a rewards program. Customers have praised the rewards program for the discounts it offers, but the only problem is that the customer is the only one who has access to their rewards account, meaning we cashiers can’t look it up on our registers. We can only connect their account to their purchase so that they can get the points for it. They either have to download the store’s app on their phone, look it up online, or print out and show us their coupons on their email to use their rewards. It just takes a matter of preparation in advance. Unfortunately, our store’s competitor has a very similar rewards program that CAN be accessed through their registers, as well as being able to use the coupons from that account. Customers occasionally confuse us for our competitor and ask us, “Do I have any rewards?” despite us not being able to check. Sometimes the customer is cordial about it and will accept a coupon I may have at the register, or annoyed because they “hadn’t planned on stopping in” and hence didn’t think to see if they had any coupons. Regardless, I try to take it in stride and offer as much help as I can so that they can get their discounts now, or tell them how they can save more the next time they come in. An older gentleman approaches my register with some expensive shoes.)

Customer: “Can I give you my rewards number?”

Me: “Absolutely! What’s your phone number?”

Customer: *tells me number* “I should have some rewards there. I want to use them for this.”

Me: “Oh, well, unfortunately, I can’t see what you’ve earned in your rewards account. You can either look it up on your app, the website, or your email.”

Customer: *stares at me* “That’s not right. I did it last time, and you guys were able to do it!”

Me: *confused, before I realize something* “Oh! Do you by any chance mean you did this at [Competitor]?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Unfortunately, we can’t do the same thing they can. Our register just can’t see your rewards account. But I can definitely put the points you earned in this purchase into the account!”

Customer: “But I want my coupon. What can we do so that I can use my coupon right now?”

Me: “Well, you can look it up on the website! May I see your phone?”

(Presumptuous me assumes he has a smartphone connected to our store’s WiFi. Imagine the dumb look on my face when he hands me an old-school flip phone. He stares at me as I laugh nervously and apologize, handing it back.)

Me: “Another option is that you can look it up on your email! Do you have a computer at home with email access?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Cool! So, when you get home, print out the coupon and show it to customer service, as they’ll happily take the discount off today’s purchase. Or, you can always leave your shoes here on hold and buy them with the coupon when you come back.”

Customer: “So, I need my email?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Give me something to write with.”

Me: “Okay, sure!”

(I hand him a piece of paper and a pen and I watch, clueless, as he writes something down. He turns the paper to me and stares.)

Me: “Is this your email?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can I ask what you want me to do with it?”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “I want you to look up my account and use my coupon.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t look it up on my register. It—“ *turns the register to show him* “It doesn’t give me the option.”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “And it’s not a computer, so I can’t look up your email.”

Customer: “But you said I needed my email address to get my coupons!”

Me: “Yes. For you to use at home. On your computer.”

Customer: “So, you can’t get my coupons for me?”

Me: *genuinely apologetic* “No.”

Customer: *scoffs* “Whatever.”

(He purchases his shoes and leaves in a frustrated huff.)

Me: *to myself* “My lips were moving, but all he heard was, ‘blah blah blah.’”

(A customer brings a bunch of things from clearance to my register, but hands me three pairs of shoes first. They’re the same brand, same sizes, and the same type of shoe, but different colors: a bright coral, an off-white, and a simple brown. The coral and white shoes are marked at $6.00 each on their boxes, but the brown shoes have no box nor a tag.)

Customer: *before I can say hello* “What are the prices for these shoes?”

(I take the time to examine them to make sure the box matches the shoe, since I’ve caught customers switching boxes to get a cheaper price, but sure enough, the shoes match the boxes and I ring them up.)

Me: “The coral and white shoes are $6 each. Let me check the brown ones—“

Customer: “They’re $6, right?”

Me: “I can’t say for sure; it doesn’t have a tag or a UPC.”

Customer: “But they’re the same shoes!”

Me: “I know, but they’re different colors, and they might be different prices.”

(I call my coworker from the shoe department over, and she examines the shoes.)

Coworker: “That’s weird… I could have sworn there was a tag on these shoes. I’ll go check if it maybe fell off in the clearance section—“

Customer: “It’s $6, right?”

Coworker: “I can’t say. I need to look for the price first.”

(I ring up all the customer’s things while we awkwardly wait. My coworker calls my manager to see if she can look it up at customer service, but since it’s been on clearance for a while we can’t find it anywhere.)

Me: *sighs* “Manager, can I just put the style code in and put it in for $6? They are the same shoe, just different colors.”

Manager: *a little hesitant, but she agrees* “Okay. We did the best we can do, but we’ll have to give it for that price since we can’t find the actual one.”

Customer: *gleeful* “$6?”

Me: “Yeah, since we can’t find the price tag. I’m so sorry for the wait.”

(I realize the customer is short a few bucks to take advantage of a sale, so I let her know, and she quickly leaves the register with her things still on my counter, unpurchased. It’s a slow day and there aren’t any customers, so I didn’t mind waiting a few minutes. My coworker in the shoe department takes the customer’s now empty cart to wheel it away when she stops and pulls something out. It’s the tag for those brown shoes, torn off and left at the bottom. It says it’s on clearance, but for $15.)

Coworker: “Uh, [Manager]?”

Manager: *sees the tag* “Ooh, that stinker!”

Coworker: *to me* “Did she buy the shoes already?”

Me: “No.”

Coworker: “You’re going to have to tell her that we can’t sell her the shoes for that price since we found the tag.” *shakes her head in disappointment* “She knew what she was doing.”

(The customer comes back, and sure enough, that gleeful smile falls when she realizes we found the torn-off tag at the bottom of her cart and we explain that it’s $15.)

Customer: “But they’re the same shoe!”

Manager: “Yes, but they’re different colors, so sometimes they’re different prices.”

Customer: *stares at the shoes forlornly, like she is giving up her firstborn child* “I don’t want them, then.”

(The stupid part in all this was that, had this lady been honest and asked if we could just honor the shoes for the cheaper price, we would have done it. But because she wanted to be sneaky and dishonest about it, she didn’t get it for that price. Lesson learned, hopefully.)

(I work at a small clothing boutique that also sells small gift items. One of our best sellers is key chain pepper spray canisters that are bedazzled. I get many stupid questions about them such as, “Does this actually work?” “Have you tried it before?” “Well, WHY haven’t you tried it?!”.)

Customer: “These little canisters are so cute! I wish they had perfume in it, though.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, that would be cool. It’s always smart to carry pepper spray, though!”

Customer: “Yeah, but I wish it was perfume. Do you have any with perfume, instead?”

Me: “Um… no. Unfortunately not.”

Customer: “Well, can I buy an empty canister from you so I can fill it myself?”

Me: “Oh, we don’t make it here. We are sent all of our items already packaged. I don’t have any empty ones.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine. I’ll just empty it at home and refill it with perfume. My daughter loves spraying my perfume, so I can give her this so she has her own! She just loves sparkles!”  

Me: “I strongly advise you not to do that. You shouldn’t mess around with pepper spray canisters. You also don’t want to take the chance of not getting it all out resulting in your daughter hurting herself.”

Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! You need to learn about your products more! I’m buying this for my daughter right now so she can have a matching perfume with me!”

This story is part of our Fragrance roundup!

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(I work at a popular coffee chain that offers many non-dairy milk options. We always ask customers if they still want whipped cream when ordering a non-dairy milk drink that usually comes with it. I am making the drinks and receive an order for a soy latte that calls for whipped cream on top. I decide to double check with the customer to make sure that’s what they want.)

Me: “Hi! Did you have the soy latte?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Awesome. The recipe calls for whipped cream; did you still want that?”

Customer: “Well, duh! Why wouldn’t I?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I always like to double check when I make drinks with non-dairy milk.” *hands out the drink with whipped cream*

Customer: “There isn’t dairy in this is there?”

Me: “In the whipped cream? Yes. Whipped cream has dairy.”

Customer: “Are you trying to kill me?! I’m deathly allergic! Take it off!”

Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll just remake it for you. If you’re deathly allergic I don’t want to take any chances.”

Customer: “No! I don’t have time for that! Just give it to me! I’ll scrape it off!”

(Guess who received a customer complaint later that day?)

(My dad owns a typesetting and editing business in the 1980s and operates from a home office. He professionally prints stationery, wedding invitations, magazines… basically anything that is on paper, he can do. Since the only other house phone is in my playroom, I am trained from the age of three to take calls politely, put people on hold, and walk to my dad’s office to tell him he has a phone call. At the age of five, I am trained to help out after school, and can do extremely basic things, like get a file and tell clients how much they owe on their specific projects. Long term clients know the reason I answer the phone after three rings, and they know that I will help them if I can. This guy, however, even though he has talked to me face to face on several occasions — I remember that he’s loud and overbearing, which to my five-year-old self is translated to “scary” — and he’s taken my family out for dinner several times to talk about business ventures he’s pursuing, he still can’t accept my “receptionist” role, nor can he understand “family-home-based business,” so my dad usually meets the client at his office. This is the most memorable call from him:)

Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for calling [Business]. I’m [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Longtime Client: “UGH!” *mumbling to someone else* “It’s that dumb little girl again.” *back to me* “I’m getting so sick of this s*** from you little people. Don’t you have anything else to do? Go play with your f****** toys or something.”

Me: “Sir! If you would like to talk to my dad, who ow—“

Longtime Client: “YOUR DADDY? UGH. NO.”

Me: “Okay, goodbye, then. Have a—“

Longtime Client: “NO! No, no, no! I want to talk to [Dad]!”

Me: “Okay. I will go get my dad, then.”

Longtime Client: “NOO! I WANT TO TALK TO [DAD]! ARE YOU DEAF, YOU ST—“

(I place the call on hold, with the client still ranting, and walk into my dad’s office thirty feet away.)

Dad: “Who’s that?”

Me: “[Longtime Client]!”

Dad: “WHAT?!”

Me: “The scary man!”

(I had not previously let my opinion on him be known. I am internally berating myself for saying that…)

Dad: “Um… Yeah, actually, he is, isn’t he?” *picks up phone* “Hel—“

Longtime Client: *apparently arguing with someone away from the phone* “AND IF THAT STUPID LITTLE GIRL HAD GOTTEN ME A HOLD OF [DAD] INSTEAD OF HER STUPID DAAAAAADDY, MAYBE—“

Dad: “OKAY, ONE D*** THING! I may be her dad, but I’m not stupid. I heard everything you said, and my daughter was unfailingly polite. You do not treat my daughter like that under any circumstances, ever!”

(My dad quietly shoos me out of his office and closes the door before he proceeds to rip into the guy completely. I remember looking up the word “unfailingly” later on that day. After he finishes, my dad comes to talk to me about my phone etiquette:)

Dad: “You okay?”

Me: *sniffily* “Yeah, that guy’s scary. Do we have to go to dinner with him again now that you have his work done?”

Dad: “No, never, honey. He’s not a client anymore. But you know what? When people say, ‘No, not your dad; get [Dad],’ you say, ‘Okay, [Dad] will be with you in just a moment,’ or, ‘Okay, I’ll go get [Dad],’ before you hit the hold key, okay?”

Me: “Okay. And I’m glad we don’t have to see him again.”

Dad: “So am I! I’m sorry he was scary and mean to you.” *hugs me*

(Years later, I found out that not only did the ex-client not pay my dad for the order that had just been completed that day, but he also wrote a bad check on the previous order, and had a habit of skipping the bill whenever he’d take us out. My parents took the client to court to recoup their expenses, and got a lot more than they were hoping for: the judge awarded them attorney’s fees in addition to the payments from the previously unpaid jobs, and our attorney asked my dad for 450 printed wedding invitations, insisting that that was more than enough to cover all the court expenses!)