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Customers Can Be Racist, Ageist, Homophobic, And Transphobic, And Some Can Be All Of Them

, , , , | Right | June 3, 2019

(I’m wiping down tables and cleaning the lobby. My coworker is African American and very tall. He’s working the registers. I’m short and about eight months pregnant, and I look high-school age.)

Customer: “Sir, can you get someone to help me? I don’t trust you with my order.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I can take your order.”

Customer: “No, you can’t. Your ‘kind’ rarely have a high school education. You’ll steal my identity!”

Coworker: *sigh* “[My Name], can you come handle this transaction?”

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I will not have a high school dropout whore handle my information, either! Get me someone else!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not in high school, and I’m quite happily married. How may I help you?”

(She ignores me and looks around, seeing my manager in the back. My manager is Hispanic, transgender from male to female, and from the back she doesn’t look like it with her gorgeous long hair.)

Customer: “Get me your manager! That manager right there! She should be able to help me! She obviously has her life together!”

Manager: *in an obviously male voice* “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Abominations! Abominations, all of you! Get me your highest manager, right now! I demand I have a decent person who can take my order!”

(My GM has seen everything on the security monitors, and my manager goes and explains everything to him.)

Manager: “Ma’am, he’ll be out shortly.”

General Manager: *with a “gay” accent* “How can I help you, darling?”

Customer: *running out, pushing me over in the process* “Abominations! Every one of you! Abominations!”

(I went into premature labor, thanks to her, and had a healthy baby girl! I found out later that the same woman was arrested the same day in my fast food restaurant; she came in while my GM was giving the police officers her information for attacking me.)

The Lack Of Signing Is A Bad Sign

, , , , | Right | May 31, 2019

(I work in a kitchen and bath showroom. Our computer systems are a bit old school but work fine. Because they are old, I have to manually enter cards. Most people aren’t fazed by this at all. Some people… don’t get it.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that will be $160.45. You are putting half down for the deposit, so let’s do an even $80. Will that be check or card?”

Customer: “Card. But where do I swipe? All you have is the signature pad!”

Me: “I have to manually enter the card. Just hand it over.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Do I swipe on the signature pad? I don’t see a spot…”

Me: “Hand the card to me. I have to type it into the system.” *gesturing towards the screen that is set up for entering cards*

Customer: “Is it a tap machine? My card doesn’t do the tap. I have to swipe it or use the chip.”

Me: “I enter it myself. I put the number in. I put all the information in. If you would hand me your card, I will type in the number, security code, zip, and your name. Once I enter it, I will charge your card.”

Customer: “Your coworker doesn’t have a machine, either. How do I pay?”

Me: “Hand me the card.”

(The customer finally hands me her card, and she seems baffled when I enter it and complete the payment.)

Customer: *trying to sign on the signature pad* “This isn’t working, either!”

Me: “Oh, the system doesn’t allow for signatures until the product arrives and the rest of the payment is received. Since we have to order and this was just a deposit, you don’t sign.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why it isn’t lighting up. Is it broken?”

Me: “You don’t have to sign. Not until your order gets here.”

Customer: “Where am I supposed to sign if your pad is broken?”

Me: “You don’t have to sign.”

Customer: “Oh. See you when my order gets here!”

(Yeah. Can’t wait.)

Please Address All Complaints To Mother Nature

, , , , | Right | May 30, 2019

(I work in a cute little cafe that has a patio. Because it is spring, we’ve opened all the doors and rolled up the garage-style doors around the patio. I have two female tourists show up and sit on the patio. It’s not that hot out — to me, a local — but they are fanning themselves and splashing water on their necks. I’m wearing a long-sleeved shirt and jeans.)

Me: “Ladies, is everything okay?”

Lady #1: “Is it always so hot here?”

Me: “Oh, it’s about 82 today. It’s just spring here.”

Lady #2: “This is just spring?!

Me: “Yes, ma’am. This is pretty normal for April. It gets over a hundred in the summer! Can I offer you more ice water or some iced tea? That might help cool you down a bit.”

Lady #1: “You should really do something about this heat!”

Me: “Would you like some gelato? We make it in house. It’s nice and cold!”

Lady #2: “I expect it for free! We could get heat stroke.”

Me: “All I can offer for free is ice water. The gelato is only $3, though!”

Lady #2: “You should offer it for free. This heat is unbearable.”

Lady #1: “You really should do something about it!”

Me: “I can offer you a seat inside, but the windows and doors are open, so there isn’t that much of a difference in temperature.”

Lady #1: “You should have better customer service! You are letting two customers be miserable!”

Me: “I’m sorry you are uncomfortable. The coffee shop across the street has air conditioning if—“

Lady #1: “So you are just sending me away?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I was just offering a suggestion.”

Lady #2: “Unbelievable! We are going to leave!”

(And they did. And they went right to the coffee shop across the street that I’d suggested. I’m not sure what I was supposed to do. Turn down the weather?)

Someone Made Your Dream(boat) Come True

, , , , , , , , | Hopeless | May 25, 2019

In 1973 or ‘74, when I was five or six years old, my family and I lived in Phoenix. We had very little in the way of money or material things, but we were a happy little family for the most part. My brother was just a baby, and my sister and I spent our days playing outside in the Arizona sunshine. That year was a particularly lean one for us. We drove up to Flagstaff to cut our own Christmas tree, free of charge back then, I think, and made our decorations from egg cartons and glitter. It must have been a hard time for my mother and stepfather, but I can’t remember really wanting for much; we were always fed and clothed.

I can still remember sitting down at the kitchen table to write my annual letter to Santa. I told him that we didn’t have much, and that I knew he was very busy, but that I had a few small requests for him. My sister loved to read, and I asked him if he could bring her some books and something for my baby brother. We pretty much lived on tuna and macaroni those days and I asked Santa for a ham or turkey as a special treat for our family’s Christmas dinner. I closed my letter with a special request, stating, “If you have room in your sleigh, I would love a Barbie Dream Boat.” I was obsessed with Barbies, and the Dream Boat was all the Barbie rage that Christmas. I sealed the letter in an envelope, gave it to my mother, and really didn’t think much more about it since Mom had told me that kids didn’t always get what they wanted from Santa, seeing as how he was a very busy man with lots of children on his list.

A few days before the “big day,” we went out shopping with the little money we had. We bought gifts for our family and I remember how sad my mom looked while we shopped that day. Looking back, I know that her melancholy was due to not being able to give her children the fantastic holiday that all children desire. I was sad for her.

We returned home from our excursion and piled into the house, removing our coats and falling back into whatever activities were abandoned earlier in the day. Minutes later, I remember hearing bells and a hearty, “Ho, Ho, Ho!” from the front yard of our run-down little house. My sister and I ran out onto the front porch to see our stepfather walking toward the house, arms full of brightly-wrapped presents. Much to our delight, there were more on the tailgate of our old Willys Jeep, including a big ham. He told us that Santa had just been there, saying that he had made a special early trip to our humble home. He explained that the bells we had heard were from Santa’s sleigh and that we had just missed seeing him fly away with his reindeer. We were all very excited, me especially, happy in the knowledge that Mr. Claus had read my letter.

Christmas morning was delightful! Santa had filled my entire list, complete with a set of Winnie-the-Pooh books for my sister and a Mickey Mouse blanket for my baby brother. There were gloves for all of us, and big marker sets for my sister and me. The biggest present of all was for me, and you never saw such a happy little girl when I finally took off the wrapping. It was the Barbie Dream Boat I had asked for! It was a happy Christmas, indeed!

I got many hours of fun playtime out of that cardboard and plastic boat, and we all enjoyed the presents that “Santa” had brought us. We filled our tummies with ham and had a wonderful day. For many years to come, I was a firm believer in Santa Claus, even though he never again gave me exactly the items on my wish list. After all, he was a very busy man with lots of children’s dreams to fulfill.

Many years later, my mother and stepfather sat my sister and me down on the couch and said that they had something to tell us. They reminded us of that Christmas, which we still remembered well. We were 12 and 14 by that time, and our belief in Santa was fading fast, if not completely gone. They told us of a postal worker in Phoenix who picked one child’s letter each year, and that the letter he picked that year was mine. He had told my parents that my letter touched his heart because I had put myself last on the list, thinking of my family before asking for myself. They had prearranged a time for him to drop off the goodies, and staged it so that it would seem as if Santa had really been there. I have to admit I was just a little crushed to find out that it wasn’t really St. Nick who had paid us a visit that year, but I knew in my adolescent mind that it just couldn’t have been.

It warms my heart to this day to share that story, and to think about the way that postal worker made our holiday a happy one. I often wish that I knew his name so that I could thank him personally, but I’m sure he knows how much it meant to all of us.

Glad You Got That Off Your Chest

, , , , , | Friendly | May 22, 2019

(I’m at a church for a school band concert. This occurs in the bathroom as I’m washing my hands.)

Pre-Teen Girl: “Grandma, there’s a boy in the girl’s bathroom.”

(I’m dressed quite masculine for the event, in an all-black button-down and bow tie, but my face and other key areas are prominently feminine. However, this happens quite often, so I’m not surprised.)

Grandma: *loudly* “THAT’S NOT A BOY! IT HAS TITS!”

(I almost hit my head, I laughed so hard. Finally, someone has figured it out.)