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Lost And Losing It

, , , , , | Right | April 3, 2020

(I work at a theme park. I am off-duty and leaving work after a long day. On the way out, I am accosted by a very frightened guest. We have a cabin labeled “Lost Parents” where children who have been separated from their parents are taken when found.)

Guest: “My daughter is missing!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry.”

Guest: “She’s only eight years old. She has blonde hair and is wearing a green shirt and khaki shorts.”

Me: “I haven’t seen her; I’m sorry.”

Guest: “Can you page for her?”

Me: “They don’t usually page for lost children, but you can ask at Guest Services. First you should try Lost Parents.”

Guest: “What’s wrong with you? Do you think this is funny?”

Me: “No, sir. But if your daughter’s been found, then someone will have taken her to Lost Parents.”

Guest: “I’m not lost! My daughter is lost!”

Me: “Yes, well, if you go up that hill and then right at [Ride], you’ll see the cabin on the left. It says, ‘Lost Parents’ on it.”

Guest: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? MY DAUGHTER IS LOST!”

Me: “Would you like for me to walk you to Lost Parents?”

Guest: “No, I want you to find my daughter! I WANT YOU TO PAGE FOR MY DAUGHTER!”

Me: “I’m a food service worker. You have to talk to guest services to have someone paged. But our security guards are pretty vigilant; your daughter is probably waiting for you at Lost Parents.”

Guest: “I AM NOT LOST! MY DAUGHTER IS! You know what? I’M GOING TO REPORT YOU AT GUEST SERVICES WHEN I HAVE THEM PAGE FOR MY DAUGHTER! YOU GO FIND HER!”

(The guest stomps off in the wrong direction.)

Me: “Um… Lost Parents is the other way.”

Guest: *over her shoulder* “I AM NOT LOST!”

(I go to Lost Parents to check on the child and immediately spot her. She looks very frightened, so I get her a drink and sit with her until her parent arrives with the security guards.)

Guest: “You again! You knew where my daughter was the whole time, and you didn’t tell me!”

Security Guard: “She didn’t tell you to try Lost Parents?”

Guest: “I thought she was joking!”

Should Have Declined To Help Her

, , , , | Right | April 1, 2020

(I work in a shaved ice hut in a water park. I have a long line of customers, but no one is waiting for more than about ten minutes. My card reader runs out of paper just as a customer is trying to pay for her order with a credit card.)

Me: “Ma’am, my card reader isn’t working at the moment, so I’m going to try one next door.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(I try the card reader next door, but theirs isn’t working, either, so I go get new paper for my card reader. It’s not the right kind, but I try anyway. I return and swipe the customer’s card, but the card comes back “declined.” Thinking that it’s just because I have the wrong paper, as this has never happened to me before, I hand her the card back.)

Me: “Ma’am, it seems as if my card reader isn’t working. If you just step to the side of the window, I will go get a manager and they will sort this out.”

Customer: *suddenly very irate* “No, this is ridiculous! We aren’t waiting!”

(The customer walks away. The whole thing took a few minutes. I then turn to greet the next customer, who has witnessed everything. She orders and then pulls out a credit card.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot take cards at the moment, as the machine is broken.”

Customer #2: “This is ridiculous! I have been waiting here for twenty-five minutes! You could have told us all in line that your machine is broken so that we don’t waste our time! I’m going to find a manager!”

(With that, she skulks off and finds my manager, who tells her to give payment to my coworker, instead. As soon as she starts telling my coworker her order, she becomes nice and sweet. But, my coworker doesn’t have a till and asks me what to do.)

Me: “Just give them to her for free.”

Coworker: “You sure?”

Me: “Yeah, I just want to get her off my back.”

(My coworker then told the woman that her order is free, and the customer thanked her profusely and walked away. I also later found out that the first customer had her card declined multiple times after dealing with me!)

Has No Notion Of Drinking Your Potion

, , , , , | Right | March 27, 2020

(This was overheard in Diagon Alley at Universal Studios:)

Customer: “Hi! I just need a bottle of water.”

Employee: “Of course!”

(He pulls out a bottle of water. It’s labeled “Gilly Water,” like in the Harry Potter books, since we are in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Gilly Water is just regular water, but it just has a different label.)

Customer: “A regular bottle of water, please.”

Employee: “Ma’am, this is regular water. The label is just different.”

Customer: “I want real water!”

Employee: “I don’t know what else to tell you. This is regular water and you’re holding up the line. You can get a different bottle somewhere else that’s not over here.”

Customer: “Fine!”

(She stormed off to the nearest restaurant. Little did she know, that restaurant also had Gilly Water!)

I, For One, Like Roman Numerals

, , , , , | Learning | March 18, 2020

(On my senior trip to an amusement park, due to the fact it’s a school-related trip, we have to do something educational before having free reign. The last thing we do of our educational part involves a math problem where we’re to only use roman numerals — no 1 or 5, it has to be I or V. We’re also not given a key for keeping the numerals straight, so I decide to use a loophole and scribble my own key “I: one,” “V: five,” and so on since they never said we couldn’t do it that way.)

Staff Member: *looking at my paper, pointing at my key* “What’re those scribbles?”

Me: *jokingly, though I admit my tone may have been unclear* “What? You don’t doodle when you think?”

Staff Member: *leans in* “Don’t be a smarta**.”

(To be honest, it’s probably one of my favorite memories of the trip.)

Driving Lessons For Kids

, , , , , , | Related | March 3, 2020

My wife, my sister-in-law, my young son, my young nephew, and I were at an amusement park that’s geared to the younger set. My nephew is nine months older than my son, but they were both about five or six years old. They were about to get on the bumper cars.

There was a big sign about safety so I yelled out to my son, “[Son], no head-on collisions… so just T-bone [Nephew].” My sister-in-law laughed and then scolded me.