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Whales And Dolphins And Snakes, Oh My!

, , , , , | Right | May 12, 2020

These are multiple accounts of working at a waterpark, zoo, and theme park as a caricature artist.

Guest #1: “That’s where the whale is at, right? He lives there.”

I see he’s pointing to our central fresh-water lake where we have the ski show.

Me: *Pause* “No.”

Guest #2: *To her son* “See, snakes don’t have genders like worms, and they don’t have any bones.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, snakes are mostly just a spine and a lot of ribs.”

Guest #2: “Oh, I think I know what I’m talking about, honey.”

Child: “I like dolphins!”

Me: “Why do you like dolphins?”

Child: “Because they eat other dolphins!”

A guest motions to the flamingo.

Guest #3: *To their child* “Look, it’s a flamingo!”

The guest points at me.

Guest #3: “Look, it’s an artist!”

A Long-Lost Little Brother!

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 28, 2020

I’m visiting a certain rodent-themed amusement park with my boyfriend and his family. Everyone in my group is an adult, but we love the place. Because of disabilities, I use crutches to walk. Mine are bright blue.

While waiting in line for their pirate-themed ride, we notice the family behind us. One of them is a small boy, about seven or eight, who also has blue crutches. Our groups chat a bit, and I mention to the boy that we must be twins because our crutches match.

Coincidentally, our groups pass each other a couple of times later that day. Each time, the boy shouts at the top of his lungs, “Hey, Twin!”

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This Story Has Ups And Downs But A Happy Ending

, , , , , | Right | April 27, 2020

I am working at the gift shop at a ride known for its intensity. One of our less popular items is a stuffed bear mascot. A tall, intimidating-looking man walks in and begins to stare at the bear display before sighing loudly and grabbing a bear and an outfit for the bear and taking it to the register.

Me: “Will that be all, sir?”

Guest: *nods* “Yeah…”

Me: “Who’s the lucky kid getting this bear?”

Guest: “My daughter. It was part of a dare to get her to go on [intense ride] by herself.”

Right as he says this, a nauseated-looking teenage girl stumbles out of the ride exit and up to the tall man.

Guest’s Daughter: “I did it, Dad. Can I have a [Bear Mascot] now?”

Guest: “Yep. A deal’s a deal.”

He gives her the bear, and her eyes instantly light up, and she smiles like a kid on Christmas morning.

Guest’s Daughter: *squeals* “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

The man laughed and left with his daughter, who was holding her new bear close. It made my day!

Happiest Place On Earth… As Long As You Stick With Grandma

, , , , | Working | April 27, 2020

(I’m at a theme park with my younger cousins, grandma, and aunt. My aunt has sent my cousins and me to get in line for a ride since my grandma walks slowly. After this ride, my aunt is going to take my cousins back to the pool and says it’s okay for me to stay in the park and meet up with a friend who is also there.

There’s a long line but I can tell we are going to get on the ride before my aunt and grandma get there, but she texts me to just go on the ride. When we get off, my grandma and aunt are waiting near the exit, which is still inside the ride. They have a cast member with them, who explains that since my grandma needs assistance she can always just ask a cast member to go through the disabled line.

As my aunt and grandma get on, my aunt tells me it’s okay to leave my cousins to wait, and the cast member clearly hears this. They are more than old enough to be alone without me.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll see you two later.”

Cast Member: “No, you’re not leaving.”

Me: “What?”

(I think she’s going to say something about my cousins being too young.)

Cast Member: “You know, it’s really not nice to just leave your grandma. She’s paying for you to be here and you need to spend time with her.”

(I stay because I’m incredibly obedient, but tears start to well up because I’m embarrassed and also mad that she is implying I’m not a good granddaughter. My aunt and grandma exit the ride and see me still standing there.)

Aunt: *confused* “Don’t you want to go meet your friend?”

Me: “Thanks, bye.”

(I love that theme park but I don’t know where that attendant got off thinking she knew my relationship with my grandma, or that she could contradict what my aunt had said I could do.)

Dan’s About To Move To Albuquerque

, , , , , , | Working | April 18, 2020

(My husband and I go to Disneyworld to celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary and paying off our house. This is about a month after “Weird” Al Yankovic released a new album with a song titled “Skipper Dan.” For those not familiar with the song, it’s about a failed actor working the Jungle Cruise Ride at Disneyland.

We get in line at said attraction. As we are waiting for the next free boat to come up, I glance at the nametag of the cast member helping load the boat. Lo and behold, the nametag says “Dan.”)

Me: “Is your name really Dan?”

(He nods sadly.)

Me: “Have people been asking about the Weird Al song?” 

(He nods sadly again.)

Me: “You poor b******.” 

(He smiles with another sad nod. We get on the next boat and our enthusiastic ride operator goes through his opening spiel…)

Operator: “…and on the deck is our own Skipper Dan of Weird Al fame. Hi, Skipper Dan!” 

(Skipper Dan slumped his shoulders and waved. I don’t know if that was an act or not, but know that all us working stiffs are with you, Skipper Dan. Salute.)

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