(I work part-time in a supermarket deli/bakery combo where we also make sandwiches to order for customers. We offer basic options like turkey and swiss, but also allow customers to choose any meat and cheese from the deli to be sliced up, which thankfully not many take advantage of since it can slow things down during lunch rush. I’m currently serving a guy who is clearly far, far more important than he appears, judging by how rude and condescending he’s treating me and my coworkers.)

Customer: “I want [Very Specific Flavor and Brands of Turkey and Ham offered by our competitor].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t carry those. But we do have—”

Customer: *contorts his face in disgust and throws up a hand to silence me* “No, I’m not interested in excuses. I’ll just have plain turkey and ham, then, I guess—” *heavy, soul-scraping sigh* “—in a wrap.”

Me: “No problem.” *I pull out one of our wraps*

Customer: “WAIT! Is THAT how big your wraps are?”

Me: “Yes, sir, this is what we offer.”

(Mind you, these are restaurant-sized 12 inch wraps. They ain’t puny, and the price is always less than six bucks after tax. I’ve had more than one customer tell me half is almost too much of a meal on its own given that we’re also instructed to pack them to “overflowing” unless the customer tells us otherwise.)

Customer: *annoyed look at the woman he’s with* “So small for the price! I’ll have a sub then, I guess.”

(As I’m making the sandwich, he continues to complain to his companion about how awful our company is for being “inconsistent” (again, citing us not carrying a brand only our competitor carries) and how he has “no time for excuses.” The cherry on top comes when he drops this line however…)

Customer: “Well, I’m being more careful about what I eat these days. More responsible and thoughtful. I owe it to the environment. I never eat anything that once had bones.”

(I finished making his HAM and TURKEY sandwich without comment. I have never had an issue with anyone who decides to be vegan or vegetarian for any reason, but I have to wonder… what kind of freaky Guillermo del Toro horror universe do you live in where pigs and turkeys don’t have bones?)

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(At the car insurer I work for, sometimes the rate that we offer for renewal will be higher than our own price on a price comparison website. However, as long as all the details are the same we will match our own prices. That last sentence is key.)

Me: “Good Morning. Welcome to [Insurer], How can I help?”

Customer: “Hi, yes, I’ve received my renewal and gone onto that Meerkat site and the price you’re offering me there is less than half the price as the one on my renewal.”

Me: “I can certainly check that for you, and if you have used all of the exact same information I can match our own price.”

(I perform the usual security checks and get the reference numbers for both their current policy and quote.)

Me: “So, can you confirm for me that all the information you put into the quote is the exact same as on your renewal?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, so looking here I see that your occupation is different, your mileage is lower, your excess is different, and you haven’t included the accident you were in last year.”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t think any of that was important… Do they affect the price?”

(I’m the customer here, checking out my purchases:)

Me: *hands cashier cash after everything is rung up and starts walking away*

Cashier: “Ma’am, your change!”

Me: “Oh! Sorry, thanks!” *starts walking away again*

Cashier: “Ma’am, your purchases!”

Me: “Sorry again. Thank you!”

(I didn’t forget anything else, but there were about 10 other people who witnessed this.)

(The frozen yogurt shop I work at is in a plaza, next door to a chicken-themed restaurant. I am working one afternoon when a man rushes in and straight up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: *hurriedly* “Hi, I placed an order with you. I hope it’s ready—”

(I panic a little, as I was not informed of any order, nor did I see one in the freezer, and he sounds a bit desperate. I am about to reply when the man suddenly starts looking all around.)

Customer: “Oh, this isn’t the chicken place.”

Me: *relieved* “No… it isn’t.”

Customer: “Okay, sorry.”

(He leaves to go next door, and I am left wondering how he confused a bright, vibrant frozen yogurt shop with an under-lit, drab chicken place. I guess he was really in a hurry! I hope his order was ready!)

(I’m working the concession stand at our movie theater. We have a display of candy. A man who appears to be in his mid-40s, who has just purchased a ticket, walks up to the display, takes about $30 worth of candy, smiles at me, then simply walks away.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. Did you pay for those already?”

(The customer turns, dumbfounded, and presents me his ticket receipt. I look at it.)

Me: “Sir, this is a receipt for a ticket.”

Customer: “Yeah. No duh! The guy who sold me this said I could get candy from you.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I can sell you candy here, but you actually have to pay for the candy. It’s not free.”

Customer: *immediately becoming irate* “You’re f****** kidding me, right?! He said you’d give me candy!”

(I turn to my coworker selling tickets nearby and signal him over.)

Me: “Hey, the customer is saying that you implied he could get candy for free?”

Coworker: “No, I didn’t. I told him he could buy candy from you at concession!”

Customer: *screaming* “Yeah, exactly! You didn’t tell me I had to pay! You f****** lied to me!”

Coworker: “I said he could sell you candy. That implies you’d pay for the candy.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t!”

Coworker: “The word ‘sell’ implies that you’d pay him for the candy.”

Customer: “NO… IT… DOESN’T! I want this for free because you NEVER said I’d have to pay for it!”

Me: “Sir, the candy is all clearly priced. Nowhere is there anything that implies you can have it for free.”

Customer: “Fine!”

(He throws the candy onto the counter in front of me and storms off.)

Me: “I’ve never seen anything quite like that.”

Coworker: “Oh, that happens about once a week here, usually on weekends.”

Me: “You’re kidding?!”

Coworker: “Sadly not.”

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