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Got Some Bones To Pick With Your Request

, , | Right | May 31, 2017

(I work part-time in a supermarket deli/bakery combo where we also make sandwiches to order for customers. We offer basic options like turkey and swiss, but also allow customers to choose any meat and cheese from the deli to be sliced up, which thankfully not many take advantage of since it can slow things down during lunch rush. I’m currently serving a guy who is clearly far, far more important than he appears, judging by how rude and condescending he’s treating me and my coworkers.)

Customer: “I want [Very Specific Flavor and Brands of Turkey and Ham offered by our competitor].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t carry those. But we do have—”

Customer: *contorts his face in disgust and throws up a hand to silence me* “No, I’m not interested in excuses. I’ll just have plain turkey and ham, then, I guess—” *heavy, soul-scraping sigh* “—in a wrap.”

Me: “No problem.” *I pull out one of our wraps*

Customer: “WAIT! Is THAT how big your wraps are?”

Me: “Yes, sir, this is what we offer.”

(Mind you, these are restaurant-sized 12 inch wraps. They ain’t puny, and the price is always less than six bucks after tax. I’ve had more than one customer tell me half is almost too much of a meal on its own given that we’re also instructed to pack them to “overflowing” unless the customer tells us otherwise.)

Customer: *annoyed look at the woman he’s with* “So small for the price! I’ll have a sub then, I guess.”

(As I’m making the sandwich, he continues to complain to his companion about how awful our company is for being “inconsistent” (again, citing us not carrying a brand only our competitor carries) and how he has “no time for excuses.” The cherry on top comes when he drops this line however…)

Customer: “Well, I’m being more careful about what I eat these days. More responsible and thoughtful. I owe it to the environment. I never eat anything that once had bones.”

(I finished making his HAM and TURKEY sandwich without comment. I have never had an issue with anyone who decides to be vegan or vegetarian for any reason, but I have to wonder… what kind of freaky Guillermo del Toro horror universe do you live in where pigs and turkeys don’t have bones?)

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