And That’s How The Calorie-Counting Crumbles

| Nantucket, MA, USA | Right | July 18, 2017

(I work at a yogurt shop one summer in college. Because so many people are weight-conscious, I quickly became aware of the caloric content of everything we sell.)

Customer: “Hi, do you have anything low calorie?”

Me: “Yes, our vanilla frozen yogurt is non-fat, and has [X] calories in a small, and [Y] in a large. The chocolate is low-fat, and has [A] calories in a small, and [B] in a large.”

Customer: “Great, I’ll take the non-fat vanilla, small.”

Me: “Would you like it in a cup or a cone?”

Customer: “A cup. I don’t want the calories from the cone!”

Me: “Okay.” *takes cup, gets ready to serve yogurt*

Customer: “That’s the NON-fat vanilla, right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The vanilla is non-fat.” *dishes out yogurt*

Me: “Would you like any toppings on that?”

Customer: “Do you have any chocolate sauce?”

Me: “Yes, we have regular chocolate sauce and non-fat chocolate sauce.”

Customer: “How many calories in the non-fat sauce?”

Me: “[N] calories.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll have that.”

Me: *adds sauce*

Customer: “Oh, and put some of that crumbled Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup on it!”

Me: “…”

Frozen Yoghurt For Warm Hearts

, , , , , | Hopeless | June 5, 2017

(I work at a small self-serve frozen yogurt store. One night, a man and his young daughter come in, the daughter clearly excited about getting frozen yogurt. I chat with them, help them out, and everything goes fine until it’s time to pay. He reaches into his wallet to pay, and pulls out a $100 bill. Because $100 bills are so easily faked and because we have so little in our change drawers, our store policy won’t let me accept it.)

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t accept a $100 bill, sir; it’s against our store policy. Do you have another method of payment, like a credit card?”

Customer: “No, this is all I have. Are you sure that you can’t take it?”

(He shows me the entire wallet, which, true to his word, only has $100 bills. By this point, from his accent and the contents of his wallet, it’s clear to me that he and his daughter are foreign tourists out for a late night treat, and as she has been so excited, I don’t have the heart to make her give the yogurt back.)

Me: “In that case, I’ll just let you have the yogurt for free.”

Customer: “Oh! Thank you — but I’ll come back to pay you. I’ll go to the bank and get smaller bills.”

Me: “You don’t have to do that; it’s all right. Have a good night!”

Customer: “No, no, no. I will come back!”

(The two of them start to head out with their yogurt.)

Customer’s Daughter: “Where are we going, Daddy?”

Customer: “To the bank, so that I can pay the lady. Go ahead and eat your yogurt.”

(They leave, and I leave the check open and go back to tending to the store. About fifteen minutes later, I notice a truck pull up in front of the store, and to my surprise, it’s that customer and his daughter!)

Me: “Hello, I see that you are back!”

Customer: “Yes, I went to the bank to get money you can take. Here you are!”

Me: “Oh, thank you!”

(He hands me a $20 to pay. Since I’d left the check open, I was able to give him change and hand it to him.)

Customer: “They closed the exit to here so I had to drive all the way around to the other exit — but I was going to get you your money!”

Me: “Thank you very much for coming back, sir. A lot of people wouldn’t have bothered.”

Customer: “No, thank you for letting us take the yogurt. Have a good night!”

(That girl is lucky to have such a great father!)

He Has Beef With You

| KS, USA | Right | May 11, 2013

(An elderly man walks up to the toppings bar.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Miss?”

Me: “What can I help you with, sir?”

Customer: “Have you got anything with meat in it?”

(This is a frozen yogurt bar. We have various kinds of fruity and sweet yogurts and toppings. No one would usually expect to find meat anywhere.)

Me: “Um, no, sir. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “F****** vegans and vegetarians are taking over the whole f****** world! You haven’t got anything with some beef in it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. That’s actually a kind of unusual request because this is basically dessert stuff.”

Customer: “I’m an American! I ain’t a vegetarian! I eat meat in my dessert because this is America, d*** it!”

(The customer throws his yogurt on the floor, making a huge mess. The next customer jumps out of the way, then resumes getting toppings while I clean.)

Customer #2: “Just when you think you’ve seen it all!”

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Customers Set A Really Low (Yogurt) Bar

| Ontario, Canada | Right | October 8, 2012

(I’m taking my kids to a frozen yogurt bar for the first time. Since the teller is helping another customer, I take a quick look at the signs for instructions, which are very clear and obvious. As we’re picking what we want, the teller comes over to see how we’re doing.)

Teller: “Hi! How are you doing? Do you need any help?”

Me: “No, thanks, I think we’ve got it figured out.”

Teller: “Oh, you’ve been in before?”

Me: “Nope, this is our first time, but the directions are really straight-forward…” *laughing* “…and I read the directions. I know that doesn’t always happen.”

Teller: “No, that’s pretty unusual, actually. Really, really unusual.”

Me: “Yeah, I used to work with the public. Members of the general public are idiots.”

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Don’t Make Me Clean Up This One

| California, USA | Right | March 8, 2012

Customer: “I love the f*** out of yogurt. I would make love to yogurt!”

Me: *awkward laughter*

(The customer picks her yogurt and I ring her up without any issues.)

Customer: “Do y’all have a bathroom I can take this into?”

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