For seventeen years, starting in the mid-1980s, I worked in adult education. Among other things, I taught people how to use computers.

One evening, I received a phone call at home.

Me: “[My Name] talking.”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I don’t think you remember me, but I took one of your classes a year and a half ago. My uncle recently bought a computer and he has a problem.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you there. I suggest your uncle contact the place where he bought the computer, or if it is a software problem, the company making that software.”

I had already learned that if you help someone with a computer problem, anything going wrong with that computer from then on would most likely be considered your problem. On top of that, I could not see how the caller thought it was appropriate to call me in a situation like that.

This was the exact moment I decided to get an unlisted phone number.

I work for an online gambling firm. Rather than having loads of varying departments, we try to resolve as much as possible with one agent to create a better customer experience to save transferring customers.

On my first day, I am listening in on someone taking the calls. A technical call comes in.

An elderly lady is calling up because her screen is flashing lots of different colours and is making a lot of noise, so she had to turn the sound off. The agent asks what she has been doing, and she starts navigating around the account details as the lady is detailing what she sees on her screen. She describes what sounds like a broken monitor, but it’s only just happened.

It sounds like the lady puts the phone down on a surface for a moment as we can hear her, muffled, in the background. This is when the agent I’m listening in on starts to go white. She taps my hand, and on the screen, she has highlighted the balance of the customer’s account.

It’s £297,000.

Immediately, the agent throws her hand in the air to alert everyone of a big win. People start crowding around the desk. I feel SO pumped.

The lady comes back onto the phone.

Lady: “Sorry, I went to get my glasses.”

Agent: *Very calmly* “I think I have found the problem, but I need you to turn your sound on.”

The sound is duly turned on, the agent hits the speakerphone button on her terminal, and we all hear the sound of party poppers and general celebration sounds. The flashing screen and the sounds were the notification that she had won a progressive jackpot. The agent asks her to sit down.

Agent: *Still calm* “You’ve won £297,000. I have never been so happy to confirm that there is no technical issue.”

The lady is quiet for several seconds before shouting:

Lady: “’Albert, quickly come here! ALBERT, ALBEEEERT!”

A senior agent took the call and arranged to get the funds sent out.

This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of August 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of August 2021 roundup!

For those who work in tech support, “technical difficulty” usually refers to the customer:

1. The customer with a trippy understanding of DSL:

Coworker: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need LSD for my son. You have that, right?”

Coworker: “Uh?”

Customer: “You know, that high-speed Internet thing…”

Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “You mean DSL?”

(more…)

Dear readers,

We hoped that putting together our first roundup about stupid tech support calls would be enough to indicate just how many calls like this those poor call center employees receive. Sadly, as we reviewed our archive we realized we were barely scratching the surface.

We’ve rounded up another ten tales of technologically thick-headed callers who should not be allowed anywhere near technology, let alone a tech-support line! Enjoy!

And They Wonder Why We Charge By The Hour – It definitely isn’t good, genius!

It’s No Net Loss – We think this customer may be living under a rock.

The Phone Is On, But No One’s Home – Silence my phone with the power of your miiiind!

(more…)

Dear readers,

Tech support can be a blessing to those of us who get easily confused with how fast technology is changing and modernizing. We understand that not everyone can understand the increasing complexity of the computers and software that we use, but we trust the tech support operative to know how to get us where we need to be.

And then there are those in the following roundup of ten tech support horror stories that will leave you scratching your head and feeling very sorry for the operative!

Perhaps He Would Prefer An Abacus – Maybe they should stick to counting on their fingers and toes.

It’s Going To Be A Long Day – Technically correct, but not technically competent.

Error 404: Brain Not Found – You have to actually, you know, read the words.

(more…)