Tech Support Workers Share 17 Funny Stories About Stupid Customers

For those who work in tech support, “technical difficulty” usually refers to the customer:

1. The customer with a trippy understanding of DSL:

Coworker: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need LSD for my son. You have that, right?”

Coworker: “Uh?”

Customer: “You know, that high-speed Internet thing…”

Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “You mean DSL?”

2. This customer whose computer outage was due to Dumbo:

Customer: “Hey, all the computers in the store are down.”

Me: “Yep, I can’t ping your servers or anything. Are you in the computer room?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “What’s on your console?”

Customer: “Hang on, let me get a flashlight.”

Me: “A flashlight? Why do you need a flashlight?”

Customer: “We’re in the middle of a power outage.”

Me: “Umm… sir, the computers won’t work without power.”

Customer: “Are you sure? They fixed it last time.”

Me: “Pretty sure… I’ve been doing this a while. How did you lose power?”

Customer: “An elephant stepped on the transformer.”

Me: “An… elephant?”

Customer: “We’re having a parking lot carnival, and an elephant got away from the handler.”

Me: “Ah, yes, I should have known… Those pesky elephants always causing us these problems.”

Customer: “What? Really?”

Me: “Yeah… Call us back when you get your power restored.”

 

3. This customer whose vocabulary was quite crappy:

Customer:

“Hello Miss Sir,

Please send me new one. My wife’s has defected.

Boris”

Me:

“Dear Boris,

Thanks for contacting us. If your wife’s mp3 player is defective, we will be happy to replace it. Please respond with more details on the problem. If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us.”

Sincerely,
[My Name]”

Customer:

“Hello Miss,

Yes, send new one. My wife’s has defecated.”

 

4. The customer whose DIY computer is missing … everything:

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My computer don’t work.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get the serial number off of your CPU?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “The computer tower.”

Customer: “Huh?”

(I’ll spare you the agony but, I went on for about three more minutes trying to describe the CPU and getting nowhere.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t seem to be expressing myself well today. Can you describe to me all the computer parts on your desk? I’ll tell you which one the number I need is on.”

Customer: “It’s just a keyboard and a screen, like any other computer.”

Me: “Oh, you have a laptop!”

Customer: “A what?”

Me: “A little computer you can take with you. The keyboard and screen fold together with a hinge in the middle, right?”

Customer: “No, I don’t! I don’t know what is wrong with you computer people today. First the sales guy tries to sell me a bunch of sh*t I don’t need in this big box package and now you don’t even know what a computer is! Brand new today and it don’t even work.”

Me: “So… you just bought a keyboard and a monitor?”

Customer: “What’d I need all the rest uh’ that sh*t in the box for? This was way cheaper! I ain’t stupid!”

Me: “…”

 

5. The teacher with a surprisingly rude password:

Me: “Can I help you?”

Teacher: “Yes, I’ve forgotten my password and would like you to retrieve it for me.”

(I do some ID verification stuff.)

Me: “All right, just a moment. Okay, ma’am. Your password is…”

Teacher: *apparently remembering at the last minute* “Oh, no.”

Me: “Piggly… Wiggly… F***er.”

Teacher: *sheepishly* “Yeah… thank you.”

Me: *bursts out laughing*

 

6. This American caller who put the “duh” in Canada:

Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. My name is [My Name], how can I help you?

Customer: *distinct southern accent* “Where am I calling?”

Me: “[Company] technical support. Are you having trouble with your internet, sir?”

Customer: “I know that. I mean, what part of the world?”

Me: “I’m in Canada, sir. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Canada?! You have internet up in Canada?”

Me: “Nope… just got radio, in fact, I had to drive my dog sled into work. There was a horrible accident and I lost two dogs. It’s been a rough day.”

Customer: “Oh… well, I want technical support from a country who actually has it.” *click*

Supervisor: *monitoring calls* “You can’t be serious.”

 

7. This dimensionally-challenged customer:

Me: “Go ahead and check the icons in the bottom right-hand corner of your screen for me.”

Customer: “I have no bottom right.”

Me: “Ma’am, everything has a bottom right.”

 

8. This frustrated worker who decided to have some “loopy” fun:

(I am walking a customer through setting up a fairly complex product.)

Customer: “Next or back?”

Me: “Next.”

Customer: “Okay, now next or back?”

Me: “We do not need to change any of the default settings, so we will be hitting next on the next seven or eight screens in a row. Let me know when another option, other than next or back, appears.”

Customer: *obviously not getting it* “Okay, now do I hit next or back?”

Me: “Hit next, and also hit next on the following five or six pages until there is no more next button.”

Customer: “Okay, I clicked next. Now do I hit next or back?”

(At this point I am going insane and decide to have a little fun.)

Me: “Click back.”

Customer: “Okay, now next or back?”

Me: “Click next.”

Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

Me: “Click back.”

Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

Me: “Click next.”

Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

Me: “Click back.”

(This goes on for a few minutes until the customer realises what’s going on. Or so I thought…)

Customer: “I think it’s broken; it keeps looping through the same pages!”

 

9. This employee who took air gapping his computers literally:

(The office downstairs sometimes calls up to us for tech support. They’re not too great with computers.)

Guy: *from downstairs* “I think one of the computers has a virus.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

Guy: “The one in the middle of the office.”

(This seems strange, as I remember that they don’t have any computers in the middle of the room.)

Me: “Have you moved the computers recently?”

Guy: “Yeah, we put it in the middle of the office so the other computers wouldn’t catch the virus!”

(I went downstairs and a disconnected desktop stands in all its glory in the middle of the room. It didn’t have a virus.)

 

10. This caller whose brain was permanently offline:

Customer: “I bought a computer from you guys not three weeks ago, and my Internet isn’t working.”

Me: “Well, the computer itself seems to be operating perfectly.”

Customer: “It is not working perfectly. I cannot get on the Internet. ”

Me: “I understand that; I just mean while the Internet itself isn’t working, your computer is functioning properly.”

Customer: “My computer is worthless without Internet.”

(Company policy is to direct her to her ISP for further assistance. So I try to get that info from her so I can give her a proper phone number.)

Customer: “Why don’t you just fix it?”

Me: “I’ve run out of things we can try.”

Customer: “What is the ISP going to do?”

Me: “They’ll walk you through a few things, or at least tell you if there is an outage or other problem in your area.”

Customer: “I bought this computer from you, and you should be the ones fixing it.”

Me: “It’s not the computer; it’s the Internet. Unfortunately, we’re not your Internet provider. There’s really nothing more I can do for you.”

Customer: “How much do you charge for Internet?”

Me: “We do not sell Internet.”

Customer: “Then who do I buy my Internet from?”

Me: “I don’t know. [Large Company], perhaps?”

Customer: “I suppose I should order some Internet.”

Me: “You haven’t even signed up for it yet?!”

Customer: “I wanted to do it on the Internet.”

11. This customer who made *headdesk* necessary:

Me: “Hello, technical support, how can I help?”

Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with my computer. Can you tell me?”

Me: “Well… can you explain what’s wrong?”

Customer: “Your job is to tell me what’s wrong.”

Me: “Yes, but unless you help me I can’t tell you what is wrong.”

Customer: “Why? Can’t you guess what’s wrong?”

(I have decided at this point whatever is wrong will be something stupid.)

Me: “Okay, maybe you can’t turn your computer on because it hasn’t got any power.”

Customer: *angrily* “DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID?”

(Suddenly, the customer calms down.)

Customer: “Sorry, you were wrong. It’s plugged in and the light is green. Can you guess what’s wrong? It’s still black on the screen.”

Me: “Well, is your screen on?”

Customer: “Yes, I just said it was. It’s just black!”

Me: “Right-click.”

Customer: “Hey, it worked… oh, it was a screensaver. Couldn’t you have guessed it was that at the start?”

Me: *thud thud thud*

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: “Guess.”

 

12. This car owner whose fear of hacking might not be that unfounded:

Me: “Can I help you?”

Caller: “My car won’t start.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “My car won’t start. It ran fine earlier but since I’ve visited your site it won’t turn over.”

Me: “Uh… is your computer attached to your car? Draining the battery?”

Caller: “No, the computer is in the house.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see how visiting a web site, let alone ours, could affect the operation of your car.”

Caller: “I thought this was tech support?”

Me: “That’s correct. We are not car mechanics, however.”

Caller: “Look, I hear about web sites hacking into people’s lives all the time. I see no reason why they couldn’t hack cars or anything else they wanted.”

Me: “Are you kidding?”

Caller: “No! My car worked fine earlier! I went to your site and now it won’t start. Why are you hacking me?!”

Me: “We aren’t. You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”

Caller: “F*** YOU! GET OUT OF MY CAR, YOU–”

Me: *click*

 

13. This uncooperative caller whose call was “magically” resolved:

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. My name is [My Name]. What can I help you with today?

Customer: “I’ll tell you how you can help, fix my d*** computer!”

Me: “So, what is the problem with the computer today?”

Customer: “It’s broken. Fix it.”

Me: “Okay, but how is it broken?”

Customer: “I don’t know; just fix it.”

Me: “Is it not turning on, or is it not booting up?”

Customer: “I don’t know about computers. Just fix the problem already!”

(This proceeds for almost 15 minutes back and forth. Finally, I decide to have some fun. I ask the customer to hold on for a second. I start shuffling some papers and opening and closing my desk drawer quite loudly.)

Customer: “What was all that noise?”

Me: “I think I found something we can use to fix this issue.”

Customer: “Good, so get started on it.”

Me: “Okay… Now, I’m holding in front of me a crystal ball… I’m picturing the issue with the computer… The computer is broken, and I’ve found a solution…”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager. That is very rude!”

Me: “Sure thing, but wait… I see something else… I see this call ending, now!” *click*

(Thank goodness it was one am and nobody listened in on that call, or I’d have been fired.)

 

14. The young customer who didn’t understand the basics of theft:

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Young Customer: “My wireless connection isn’t working. Can you take a look at it?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I get his laptop set-up and test the wireless. It picks up the store wireless with no problem.)

Me: “Well, pal, it looks like your laptop is working just fine. It’s possible that it could be your router that’s the problem.”

Young Customer: “I don’t have a router. I was just using a neighbor’s. They left and all the other signals are weak or locked.”

Me: “Then there is not a lot I can do for you, pal.”

Young Customer: “Can’t you sell me a new wireless card so I can get a better signal?”

Me: “Yeah, sure, but that’s illegal. It’s considered theft of services to use someone’s connection without their permission.”

Young Customer: “No, it’s not. If they didn’t want people using it, they would lock it.”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it is illegal. If I was to steal your car because you left it unlocked and got caught, I would still go to jail.”

Young Customer: “That’s different.”

Me: *sigh* “Sure it is. You have a nice day.”

Young Customer: *storms off*

 

15. The tech support caller who didn’t get the concept of timezones:

Customer: “How much longer is your department open today?”

Me: “Two hours.”

Customer: “Oh… uhm, you on Mountain Time, then?”

Me: “No, we’re on Pacific.”

Customer: “I’m in Mountain time, so in reality, you’re only there another hour.”

Me: “Sir, seriously, we’re here another two hours regardless of what time zone you’re in.”

 

16. This man who was technologically lost without his wife:

(An older customer calls in for tech support with his satellite receiver.)

Me: “Okay, your signal strength is pretty good.”

Customer: “Right.”

Me: “Let’s just verify all your channels are coming in.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Can you please put it on channel 400?”

Customer: “No problem, hold on.” *dials 4-0-0 into the telephone*

Customer’s Wife: “Give me that!”

(She gets control of the phone.)

Customer’s Wife: *laughing* “So sorry, he’s such an idiot!”

 

17. And finally, this caller who somehow managed to FUBAR PEBCAK:

Caller: “Hi, I want to use my roommate’s computer but it’s not working.”

Me: “Could you describe the problem?”

Caller: “Well, there’s a sign next to it that says, ‘In case of error, PEBCAK.’ Could you explain it?”

Me: *tries not to laugh* “It’s short for, ‘Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard.’”

Caller: “Oh! I get it! Hold on…”

(I hear a loud cracking sound and some faint swearing.)

Caller: “It’s still not working!”

Me: “Er… What did you do?”

Caller: “I took away the wooden bit under the keyboard… Now it’s right over the chair!”

(I actually head-desked after that.)

 

Have you ever dealt with technologically-challenged customers? Share your story or leave a comment below!