(This is when I was working at a certain home improvement store in a rural area of Edmonton. A lady walks up carrying a bag of manure.)

Lady: “Can you tell me the price of this item, please?”

Me: “Sure thing. It comes up to $6.50, ma’am.”

Lady: “$6.50? Hmm…I don’t suppose you can call [competitor store] and see how much they sell it for, can you?”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am.”

(I call up our competitor, and it turns out they sell the same product for $6.49.)

Me: “They have it on sale for $6.49, ma’am.”

Lady: “$6.49! Would you be able to make a price match?”

Me: “Uh… you want me to lower the price from $6.50 to $6.49?”

Lady: “Yes, that’s right. Is that a problem?”

Me: “Well, uh…”

(She wants it lowered by a CENT? The store policy doesn’t let me lower it unless it’s a dollar difference, or by special request of the currently absent manager.)

Me: “Erm… well, policy is that we can’t lower the price unless the difference is at least a dollar.”

Lady: “What!? That’s crazy! I demand you lower the price for me, or I’m taking this straight to management!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s really no need to do that. It’s company policy, there’s nothing really I can do.”

Lady: “FINE!” *throws down the bag* “I’m leaving and going to [competitor store]!”

Me: “…Have a nice day.”

(I’d like to point out that the nearest competitor store is about twenty minutes away. She’d have paid more in gas getting there than she would have if she just bought it here.)

This story is part of the Cheapskate Customers roundup!

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(I was a toll-free operator. If a caller asked for something and there was ANY difference in the listing from what was requested, we were required to notify the caller and get approval from the caller before providing the number.)

Caller: “I would like [insurance company] in Delaware.”

Me: “I have a listing for [insurance company,] but I have it listed out of New Hampshire. Would that be acceptable?”

Caller: “New Hampshire? Where the h*** is New Hampshire?”

Me: “It’s in New England.”

Caller: “New England?! I don’t want any New England! I need a number in the United States!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, then. I don’t have any listed.”

This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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Old Customer: “Do you have fixative?”

Coworker #1: “I’m not aware of a product by that name. What do you want it to do?”

Old Customer: “Get me someone else who knows the inventory!”

Coworker #2: “Sir, can I help you?”

Old Customer: “Yeah, I want some fixative.”

Coworker #2: “We don’t have a product by that name, but if you describe it, we can get it for you.”

Old Customer: “I buy fixative in here ALL THE TIME.”

Coworker #2: “What does the product look like?”

Old Customer: “This is ridiculous. You should know your inventory well enough to READ MY MIND!”

Related:
(Telepathic) Help Wanted

(I work at a library where people can come in to use the computer if they need to.)

Lady: “Excuse me. Could you help me? I’m having trouble with the computer.”

Me: “Sure, what’s the problem?”

Lady: “I can’t log on. It’s not taking my card.”

Me: “Huh, that’s weird. My computer says everything is okay. Let me go check.”

Lady: “I don’t know why it never works for me. The first time it came in it worked but every time after that it hasn’t! You guys always have problems with your computers. You should get that fixed as soon as possible!”

Me: “Alright then, let me see what you’re doing. Where’s your card?”

Lady: “It’s in the computer!”

Me: “What do you mean it’s in the computer?”

Lady: “There, in the computer! I put it in but it won’t log me on!” *points to the computer*

(I see it sticking out of where it obviously does NOT belong and take it out.)

Me: “No. That’s not how you log on. You see the numbers on the back of the card? Enter that into the computer, then your pin, and click log on.”

Lady: *looks at me confused* “Did you guys change this because that’s how it worked for me last time!”

Me: “No, that’s how it has always been. In fact, if you had looked at the screen, you would have seen that it tells you exactly what to do.”

Lady: “Don’t take that tone with me, young lady! Just log me on!”

(I logged her on to the computer, but since she was a b**ch to me, I kicked her off early.)

This story is part of our Libraries roundup!

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(As with most customers, once you’ve told them to “right-click” on something one time, they can’t help but ask you about it every few seconds…this was a special instance.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, I need you to click on the icon for me.”

Customer: “Right-click or left click?”

Me: “By default, always left-click, unless I say otherwise.”

Customer: “Alright.”

(5 minutes later…)

Me: “Okay, go ahead, and click on that button for me.”

Customer: “Right-click or left click?”

Me: “By default, always left-click, unless I say otherwise.”

(5 more minutes later…)

Me: “Can you click on that icon for me ma’am?”

Customer: “Right-click or left click?”

Me: “By default, always left-click, unless I say otherwise.”

Customer: “You already said that like three times!”