(A customer walks up to the counter and stares at the produce.)

Customer: “Don’t you have any vegetarian sausages?”

Me: “This is a meat counter; we only have meat. We should have some prepacked, though.”

Customer: “But I want to buy from here. Why don’t you sell them?”

Me: “We only have meat on the meat counter, I’m afraid. Is there anything else you would like?”

Customer: “Do you have tofu burgers here?”

Me: “…”

This story is part of our Vegetarian roundup!

Read the next Vegetarian roundup themed story.

Read the Vegetarian roundup!

Customer: “Hey, somebody painted the wall outside the branch I use!”

Me: “Yes, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, now I don’t know my PIN number!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what that has to do with the wall being painted.”

Customer: “I wrote my PIN number on the wall beside the ATM! NOW what am I supposed to do?!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I’m looking for that book by the guy with the hair.”

Me: “The… guy with the hair?”

Customer: “Yeah. I saw it on TV this morning. It has a red cover, I think…”

Me: “What was it about?”

Customer: “Ummm… I think it was about losing weight?”

Me: *making an intuitive leap* “Was it The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution by Dr. Phil McGraw?”

Customer: “That’s it!”

This story is part of our Customers With Super-Vague Requests roundup!

Read the next story in this roundup!

Read the Super-Vague Requests roundup!

Man: “Oh, miss! I notice your shirt says the ‘[Company] Steam Train.’ You work there?”

Me: “…yes?”

Man: “So there are, like… trains?”

Me: “Of course…”

Man: “So why are you at [Store]? Shouldn’t you be doing your job? There are no trains here!”

Me: “Sir, it’s called a lunch break.”

Man: “Oh…” *radiates a healthy scarlet color*

This story is part of our customer treating staff less-than-human roundup!

Read the next story in this roundup!

Read the customer treating staff less-than-human roundup!

This story is included in our Lunch Break story roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the story roundup? Click here!

(Some customers at our restaurant try to get a free meal by placing some hair in their food and then blaming the chef and refusing to pay for the meal.)

Customer: “Waiter!”

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “There’s a hair in my food.”

Me: “That isn’t possible, unless it was your hair.”

Customer: “It isn’t!”

Me: “Who else’s hair could it be?”

Customer: “Your chef’s.”

(I walk into the kitchen and return to the table with our chef.)

Me: “Take off your chef’s hat.”

(Chef takes off his hat, he is revealed to be bald.)

Chef: *to the customer* “You were saying something about my hair being in your food?”

This story is part of the Lying-Customers-Getting-Caught roundup!

Read the next Lying-Customers-Getting-Caught roundup story!

Read the Lying-Customers-Getting-Caught roundup!