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The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 15

, , , , , , , , , | Right | December 10, 2023

A customer in her late teens or early twenties and a woman who I assume is her mother are in the store.

Customer: *To her mom* “It gets colder in Europe because it’s further from the sun. I need a thicker jacket.”

Customer’s Mom: “Let’s ask if they have winter jackets.”

Customer: “Oh, Europe has a winter, too?”

Customer’s Mom: “Uh… are you serious, dear?”

Customer: “I thought America invented the seasons, so why would we let Europe have them?”

Customer’s Mom: “Have you been watching the news with your father again?”

Customer: “News? Ugh, so gross.”

The customer comes over to me.

Customer: “I need a jacket for Europe.”

Me: “I can help you with that. Will it just be for casual walking through a city, or are you going to be outdoors a lot?”

Customer: “I’m gonna be drinking!”

Customer’s Mom: “No, dear, you’re not.”

Customer: “Yeah, I am! The legal drinking age is younger there!”

Customer’s Mom: “It might be, but you’re still on a school trip, so they’re not allowing the students who have turned eighteen to drink. I signed the permission slip that said as much.”

Customer: “I’m an adult! They can’t stop me!”

Customer’s Mom: “Maybe, but then they’ll lose their insurance and I’ll be fined, which means you’ll be fined. The places you’re going to will know not to serve alcohol to the American students.”

Customer: “I won’t tell them I’m American. I’m more Amazonian, anyway.”

Customer’s Mom: “No, dear, you’re Arizonian.”

Customer: “Whatever, geology is for mids.”

Customer’s Mom: “Just stop.” 

The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 14
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 13
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 12
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 11
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 10

This Might Be Legal, But It Feels Icky

, , , , | Working | December 10, 2023

I once worked for a property management company whose owner would look for a hotel or motel with a good reputation and buy it. He would then lay off the workers until there was only a skeleton crew of minimum-wage workers, cut as many guest benefits as possible, drastically reduce the maintenance work, and overall spend as little on the place as possible. The reputation would bring guests in for another year or two until the bad reviews on Yelp overtook the good ones. It would get some more guests past that because he’d reduce the price for a stay to undercut all other places in the area.

Once it became so bad that people wouldn’t stay there at any price, he’d sell off the land and use the money he gained to buy two more hotels and motels with good reputations to start the cycle anew.

The hotel the author stayed at in this story would be pretty similar to the ones this guy owned in their final stages. He honestly didn’t care, as long as the amount he spent was as low as he could make it.

Five Nights At Freddy’s Fortress Of Frustration

What Does That Even MEAN?! Part 2

, , , , , | Right | December 10, 2023

I present a diagram I have designed for my client.

Client: “This looks a bit design-heavy.”

My Mind: “Is that a problem… or a compliment?”

What Does That Even MEAN?!

We Picture Them Being Very Disappointed

, , , , | Right | December 10, 2023

I do a lot of contract photography for a university. Despite their desperate need for new stock-type photos of current students, they only ever send me to painfully boring alumni events where I take shots of old people standing around eating in poorly lit rooms. It’s also worth noting that they don’t use anyone else for photography besides me.

Client: “Our new magazine is going to print-check in a week, so send me your best action shots of our students. We’re looking for dramatic angles of ethnically diverse groups who are dressed professionally and have confident expressions.”

Me: “Why would you think that I have anything like that just lying around?”

Client: “Oh, and our alumni event is tomorrow, too! Some of our oldest donors will be there. Maybe you’ll get some useful photos there!”

You Are Under No Obligation To Remain In Our Garden

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: ObjectiveAnalysis0 | December 10, 2023

I was ringing out customers in my store’s outside garden center. There was a lull in activity, and a lady had stopped to ask me a few questions about plants. As I was chatting with her, a little old lady came up behind me and tapped my arm.

Me: “Yes?”

Old Lady: “Are all your ferns this expensive?”

Me: “The price is listed on the tag, but otherwise, yes.”

Old Lady: “None of them are on sale?”

Me: “Our stuff doesn’t go on sale until August.”

Old Lady: *Wringing her hands worriedly* “They’re so expensive! I could get them somewhere else cheaper.”

I assumed she was just making a statement.

Me: “Okay.”

I went back to the customer I had been helping before as we discussed the care of her plant. The old lady stood behind me, still staring with this same worried expression on her face like her cat had just run up a tree.

Lady: *Still wringing her hands* “They’re so expensive…”

Then, it clicked that she was probably looking for a deal.

Me: “Okay.”

She paced back and forth for a while after that in the garden area before going, I assume, to look at the prices of plants before eventually wandering back out.

I’m waiting for the day someone can give me a valid argument as to why, if they can buy something cheaper somewhere else, they don’t just get it there.