I am in a lovely family-owned restaurant we frequently visit. The restaurant is very good and it is almost impossible to get a table without a reservation. They’re just that good. The service and food are excellent and though it’s not snobbish, it has a nice setting. The owner himself greets you and gets you seated. If he’s not there his daughter and co-owner does the greeting. All regulars know this.

We are sitting near the entrance on a day the young woman greets the guests and we witness the following exchange.

A very snotty-looking young couple walks in, noses up, looking around for a table. The daughter greets them and asks for their reservation. The man looks down his nose at her.

Man: “We don’t need reservations. We are here all the time, and we know the owner. Just seat us already.”

The friendly face of the woman drops. She replies shortly.

Owner’s Daughter: “That’s a lie and you need to leave now.”

The man gets all flustered and puffed:

Man: “How dare y—”

She interrupts him harshly.

Owner’s Daughter: “I’m gonna stop you right now! I am the owner! The co-owner is my dad! One of us is always here and I’ve never seen you here before, nor have I ever heard my dad telling me of anybody just getting a table! Now, out! We don’t serve liars and cheapskates!

The man turned red as a tomato. The regulars around him listening in had started snickering at this point. He stormed out of the door. I really love it when such snobs get stopped right away.

I have just been transferred a customer. I have verified her username, done the two-step procedure to link the online profile to the account, and confirmed on my end that the link is complete.

Me: “Okay, I’ve linked that username to your account, all you need to do is—”

Caller: *Interrupts* “Log out and log back in?”

Me: “Exactly. Let me know when you have logged back in.”

Caller: “Okay, I’m back in.”

Me: “Click ‘My Account’ in the upper right corner and you should now see a link in the dropdown menu that says ‘Invoices and Account Balance’.”

This is the quickest way to have the customer confirm that the manual link is successful, because it only requires clicking one link.

Caller: “No, it’s not there.”

This is unusual because I can see it on her user profile. There is an alternate procedure that we can use to achieve the same result; it just takes longer, and I decide to try that before calling IT to report the issue.

Me: “I’m sorry. Let me try to link you up another way. Can you hold for one minute?”

Caller: “Sure.”

I put her on hold and perform the alternate procedure, then recheck her user profile and see it’s been linked.

Me: *Takes the caller off hold* “Okay, go ahead and log out again and then back in, and let me know when you’re back in.”

Caller: “Okay, I’m in.”

Me: “Click ‘My Account’ in the upper right corner and see if the ‘Invoices and Account Balance’ link is in the dropdown menu.”

Caller: “No, it’s not there.”

Me: “Let me just double-check, it is the [Username] that you’re logging into, correct?”

Caller: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “I am so sorry, it should be there. Let me just ask a couple of questions and then get this reported to our IT team…”

Caller: “Do you think I should try logging out and logging back in instead of just closing the browser tab?”

Me: “…”

Me: “Yes.”

When she actually logged out and back in, it was there.

I’m working the buy counter in the pawn shop when a guy comes in with a TV, putting it on the counter in front of me.

Me: “Hi, what are you looking at doing today?”

Customer: “I bought this TV from you the other day and I want to bring it back.”

Me: “Okay, what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “It’s haunted!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Every time I turn it on, there are ghosts on the screen!”

Me: “I can see why that’s upsetting. Let me grab the manager; I need his permission to do a refund.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t want the money back. I just want to bring the TV back. It’s haunted!”

Me: “Okay… you can leave it here if you want. You sure you don’t want a refund?”

Customer: “No, I just don’t want the TV in my house anymore. The ghosts might get out.”

And true to his word, he just walked off, leaving me with the apparently haunted TV. I don’t get paid enough for ghosts, and I can’t put the TV on the floor if it hasn’t been returned or bought in through the till, so I put it in the back room for the manager to deal with, just in case.

I work in a national call center for repair service. We often get callers who think we’re local, but this one takes the cake.

A man calls in for service. I have to get his information in order to send the tech out. Everything up until the end goes smoothly — specifically meaning he doesn’t seem to be really young, have a hearing problem or a learning disability, or any other reason that could explain what happened next.

Me: “Okay, I just need your city, state, and zip code.”

Customer: “[City].”

Me: “Okay, state and zip?”

Customer: “What? It’s [City]!”

Me: “Got it, [City], and what state is that in?”

Customer: “I live in [City]!”

Me: *Guessing that he thinks we’re local* “Okay, I’m sorry, sir, but this is the national call center in [Town], Texas. I don’t know what state your city is in.”

Customer: “Oh. [State].”

Me: “Great, and what’s your zip?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Your zip code.”

Customer: “How should I know?”

Me: “Well, it’s part of your address.”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you have some mail laying around?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Me: “Okay, well, if you could find some mail and let me know what zip code it says on it, that would be helpful.”

Customer: “Okay, hang on.”

I hear some rustling around.

Customer: “Okay, I’ve got it.”

Me: “Great, if you could just read me the numbers after [State].”

To this day, I have no idea how this guy functioned without knowing his own zip code or possibly even knowing what a zip code was. Had he seriously never had to fill out a form or send a letter?

Related:
Knows Zip About Zip Codes, Part 3
Knows Zip About Zip Codes, Part 2
Knows Zip About Zip Codes

I’m on the last stage of my training for this call centre, which involves me taking calls with my trainer listening in to make sure I’m doing it right. One reason I’ve been hired is that I’m bilingual in French and English, but the trainer on this call is not fluent in French. 

Trainer: “Okay, now I’m going to connect you to the network. Ready for your first call?”

Me: “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

The phone rings immediately. 

Me: “Thank you for calling [Employer], this is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: *With a very thick Quebecois accent* “Sorry, I thought I call the French phone?”

I switch over to French, as I notice that my screen is telling me the call is coming from a part of Quebec notorious for the weirdness of its accent.

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t notice that it was a French call. What can I do for you?”

The caller explains his issue, which I solve for him.

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: “No, that’s great, thanks. Bye!”

I hang up and turn to my trainer.

Me: “How was that?”

Trainer: “Well, since I understood about a tenth of what you said and not a single word the caller said, I’m going to assume you did awesome.”

Me: “Yay!”

Trainer: “I am going to ask the manager to put you on English-only calls during our training shifts, though.”

Me: “Boo…”