My city’s public transit system has had a rule since mid-2020 that people have to wear masks on the buses and trains. There are signs on each bus and train and at all train stations and the major bus stations, and there are automated announcements played while riding the bus and train explaining this. However, some people argue with the drivers about it. In May 2021, I overheard the most bizarre “reasoning” yet.

Woman: “I don’t need a mask; I’m already blind!”

I was midway down the bus while she was yelling at the driver, so I might have misheard her. She might have actually said, “I’m already black,” though if she was then her skin was light enough that it was not obvious, but neither of those things gives immunity to the contagious illness that caused the health crisis, as far as I’m aware.

Customer: “Why do you take the marrow out of your pork chops?! I can’t believe you do that!”

Me: “Marrow? We don’t take the marrow out. That’s almost impossible to do.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. When I get pork chops from [Competitor], they have the marrow in them. I buy them here, no marrow.”

Me: “I promise you; we don’t remove any marrow.”

Customer: *Pointing to the chop* “Right here. No marrow!”

Me: “Um… we remove that, but that’s not bone marrow.”

Customer: “Then what is it?”

Me: “Um… the spinal cord.”

Customer: “…Am I gonna get sick?”

A routine blood test shows that my levels of TSH — thyroid-stimulating hormone — are high, 4.2 mg/l. Basically, it means that my thyroid isn’t working properly: the normal value ought to be under 4.5. I start seeing an endocrinologist. At 5…

Endocrinologist: “Yes, yes. Nothing to worry about. Let’s just keep it monitored. See you next year.”

Next year, at 6…

Endocrinologist: “Well, well. There’s clearly something going on here, but I’d rather not start medicating as you’re still young. See you next year.”

Next year, at 8…

Endocrinologist: “I don’t like the look of this. If it keeps rising, we’ll have to put you on something. See you next year.”

I get in the family way, and eight months into my pregnancy, I’m examined by an obstetric, an old guard doctor with the manners of a constipated bear. He takes a look at my blood tests.

Obstetric: “Just what are you waiting for before you do something for that thyroid, lady? Your TSH is through the roof!”

Thyroid medication, of course, is prescription-only. I would have so liked to give him my endocrinologist’s number and watch the discussion.

I work for an online gambling firm. Rather than having loads of varying departments, we try to resolve as much as possible with one agent to create a better customer experience to save transferring customers.

On my first day, I am listening in on someone taking the calls. A technical call comes in.

An elderly lady is calling up because her screen is flashing lots of different colours and is making a lot of noise, so she had to turn the sound off. The agent asks what she has been doing, and she starts navigating around the account details as the lady is detailing what she sees on her screen. She describes what sounds like a broken monitor, but it’s only just happened.

It sounds like the lady puts the phone down on a surface for a moment as we can hear her, muffled, in the background. This is when the agent I’m listening in on starts to go white. She taps my hand, and on the screen, she has highlighted the balance of the customer’s account.

It’s £297,000.

Immediately, the agent throws her hand in the air to alert everyone of a big win. People start crowding around the desk. I feel SO pumped.

The lady comes back onto the phone.

Lady: “Sorry, I went to get my glasses.”

Agent: *Very calmly* “I think I have found the problem, but I need you to turn your sound on.”

The sound is duly turned on, the agent hits the speakerphone button on her terminal, and we all hear the sound of party poppers and general celebration sounds. The flashing screen and the sounds were the notification that she had won a progressive jackpot. The agent asks her to sit down.

Agent: *Still calm* “You’ve won £297,000. I have never been so happy to confirm that there is no technical issue.”

The lady is quiet for several seconds before shouting:

Lady: “’Albert, quickly come here! ALBERT, ALBEEEERT!”

A senior agent took the call and arranged to get the funds sent out.

A young, pregnant coworker has a stranger stare disapprovingly at her and then walk up and say:

Customer: “Pregnancy isn’t very becoming on you.”

Coworker: “Well, being a nosey rude b**** isn’t becoming on you, but here we are.”