While waiting in line at the store, I overhear this conversation.

Cashier: “Everyone’s always thinking I’m fifteen! It’s so awful! How old do you think I am?”

Customer: *Awkwardly* “Nineteen?”

Cashier: “Yes! I’m so happy you got it right!”

Customer: “Sure.”

The transaction finishes. I step up.

Cashier: “Hey, sweetie! Are you waiting on your mom?”

Me: “I’m thirty.”

The transaction finishes in awkward but blissful silence.

I get a call from a customer saying she can’t use her debit card. We offer overdraft privilege, a set amount of money that someone can overdraft and we still pay it, and while she is overdrawn by a few dollars, she indeed does have enough overdraft privilege to cover her purchase. After looking further, I see it’s only partial, meaning we don’t authorize debit card transactions, only automatic bill pays and checks.

Me: “After looking further into your account, I see that you only have partial privileges and can not use a debit card while overdrafted.”

Customer: “I’m supposed to have full privilege.”

Me: “Not a problem. I’d be happy to update it to full so you—”

The customer cuts me off, screaming, and I don’t get a single word of it besides “f***” a few times and rapid honking of a car horn.

Me: “Ma’am, in order to complete your request, I will have to ask you to stop using profanity.”

Customer: “YOU, F****** [RACIAL SLUR]!”

Me: “Oooookay, hanging up now.” *Click*

I checked the notes on her account and saw at least twenty calls from that SAME DAY that all said some variation of, “Employee hung up due to customer using racial slurs.” Wow.

When I’m at work, I frequently keep a mug of soup on my desk. My favorite kind is a creamy potato-leek combination. When sitting in a mug, it looks identical to coffee with cream. However, it smells nothing like coffee, of course.

I have a coworker who, in spite of frequent talkings-to by management, feels entitled to help himself to what others have. On the day in question, the office coffee machine is broken and my coworker has been grumbling about it near my desk.

I’m working on a report when he approaches me and looks down into my mug. Before I can say a word, he picks up my mug and takes a huge swallow. Then, he spits soup all over the floor.

Coworker: “THAT ISN’T COFFEE!”

Me: *Appalled* “I never said it was coffee! Who just picks up someone else’s cup and starts drinking? What is wrong with you, [Coworker]?!”

Coworker: “I wanted coffee! I need my coffee! Why did you trick me like that? How do you know I’m not allergic to whatever that is?”

I am beyond fed up.

Me: “Well, I hope you are! Maybe that will teach you not to steal someone else’s things!”

The coworker actually went to HR to complain about me “trying to kill him.” When they heard the entire story, he received a three-day suspension. I wish I could say that he learned his lesson, but when he returned, he still helped himself to other people’s things — just never mine again.

I’ve worked in a British supermarket for around five years now. One time, a customer comes in with her teen daughter to pick up her shopping. I work in the home shopping department, where you order online and go to the store to pick it up, so I go down to meet her to give her her shopping.

As soon as I arrive, she immediately begins to tell me:

Customer: “I’ve waited twenty-five f****** minutes for my shopping. Where the h*** is it?!”

Me: *Politely* “Can you please not swear? There are children around.”

The customer continued to swear at me, and when the security guard came over to assess the situation, she swore at him, too! After we told her that we weren’t allowed to load her car, as she wasn’t disabled or otherwise unable to do so herself, she and her daughter stormed out of the shop. She didn’t even take her shopping!

Dear readers,

Today is National Grammar Day! As editors, we’d like to think that grammar is of the utmost importance. We can admit that it’s not vital in all situations – not everyone knows how to use a semicolon and that’s okay – but there are some circumstances where you’ve just got to be clear!

We’ve assembled twelve stories from our archives about times when people’s grammar was hilariously ungood! Enjoying!

Grammar Is Going Down – How is it that kids always mess up their grammar in the worst possible way?

Grammar Is Not Their Calling – Hits from the comments: “This man has the infallible logic of a five-year-old, and I mean that as a compliment.”

Country Grammar – People say English lacks a plural form of “you”. But we have “y’all,” “youse,” and, “yinz”! What more do y’all need?

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