Me: ” I’d like you to measure off three feet of that material for me.”

Clerk: “I can’t do that.”

Me: “Why?”

Clerk: “We can only sell it by the yard.”

(As the clerk is obviously high school age, I try another approach.)

Me: “Okay, then give me one yard of that material.”

Clerk: *cheerfully* “Okay, I can do that!”

(Two employees are at the electronics counter talking to a customer about anime. The particular show they’re talking about is “Case Closed” (aka “Detective Conan”). I have followed the manga and the anime for a long time. Note that I am a female customer, while the employees are male.)

Employee #1: “You have to see this anime! It’s amazing!”

Customer: “What’s it about?”

Employee #2: “It’s about a kid who solves cases. He lives with his uncle and this chick.”

Employee #1: “Yeah! His parents died when he was young and he’s, like, trying to solve their mystery.”

(I am cringing at this point, so I intervene.)

Me: “Are you talking about Case Closed/Detective Conan?”

Employee #2: “Yeah.”

Me: *turns to customer* “Actually, the show is about a teenager who was turned into a child due to an experimental drug given to him by a mysterious syndicate. His real parents are almost never home, so he is taken in by the girl he’s secretly into, and vice versa. Her father happens to be a detective, so he helps her uncle solve mysteries as a private detective. All of this so he can catch the syndicate that transformed him into a child and hopefully get his original body back.”

Customer: “Oh! That sounds intriguing! I’m going to check it out! Have a nice day!”

(The customer walks off and I resume my shopping. I overhear the employees I just talked to.)

Employee #1: “Chicks know anime?”

Employee #2: “Apparently!”

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(At the pharmacy where I work, I do a lot of training of new employees. This day’s trainee is particularly slow on the uptake.)

Me: *to new employee* “Now, when the customer pays in cash and just hands you a bill, you should repeat back to them how much they gave you. For example, when a customer gives you a $20 bill, you say, ‘Out of $20,’ as you make change.”

(This is a technique to help avoid after-the-fact disputes about the denomination of the bills customers hand over.)

New Employee: “Got it.”

(The customer walks up and pays cash, handing him a $20. The new employee says nothing.)

Me: *to new employee* “What are you forgetting?”

New Employee: “Um…”

Me: “Say the amount they gave you.”

New Employee: “Oh, right…”

(The next three customers all pay cash, and as they each fork over a crisp clean $20 bill, the new employee performs flawlessly, verifying that it is indeed “Out of $20” with each transaction. I think he’s finally gotten it down until the fourth customer.)

New Employee: “That will be [price].”

Customer #4: *hands over credit card*

New Employee: “Out of $20!”

Me: *facepalm*

(My boyfriend and I are at a breakfast food restaurant. Our waitress (#1) so far has been decent; the order was right, she got me a different drink because the first was too sweet, etc. As we are finishing, we hear another waitress (#2) yell at her.)

Waitress #2: “Hey [Waitress #1]! What the f*** did you do with my pen? I told you I needed it right back!”

Waitress #1: “If I was done with it, I’d have given it back to you.”

Waitress #2: “Look, lil’ girl—”

(At this point they go into the kitchen, but we can still hear them yelling at each other, peppered with profanities. Waitress #2 comes out and goes to a table Waitress #1 is waiting on. The customers have already gone and left the check holder on the edge of the table. Waitress #2 smacks the bottom of the check holder, flipping it over and causing it to land in a plate of food the customers had left on the table.)

Me: *to my boyfriend* “Oh my God, I can’t believe she just did that! We better go before there’s a real fight!”

Boyfriend: “No, let’s see if our waitress wins. If she does, she gets the better tip!”

(I’ve come in before the store opens with a few other coworkers and a manager. Our task is to do an ‘aisle reset’, which means taking all of the product off of the shelves and moving them to where they are supposed to be. The only place to set the product while transitioning it is on the floor, in the aisle.)

Manager: “Okay, let’s start by taking everything off the shelves!”

Me: “Wouldn’t it be better if we did it in sections? That’s a lot of product; I don’t think we have room to take it all off at once—”

Manager: “No, it will be faster to take everything off all at once. Trust me.”

Me: “Alright, then—you’re the boss.”

(Three hours go by of our four-hour shift. None of the product is back on the shelf yet, but is instead on the aisle floor and taking up a huge amount of space.)

Manager: “D*** it! We’re not gonna get this done in time!”

Coworker: “We’d have it done by now if there was room to move around.”

Me: “It would have worked better if we had done it in sections.”

Manager: “What did you say?!”

Me: “I said, it would have worked better if we had done it in sections.”

Manager: “Well, I wish you had suggested that before we took everything off the shelves!”